I watch in amusement as they continue to plan the details of a wedding that probably won’t even happen. After a good ten minutes of discussion, in which Tyler gives his opinion and Paris does her best to avoid being dragged into, Mum narrows her eyes at me. “What are your thoughts, Luke? You’re being awfully quiet over there.”
“Why bother with marriage? If you love each other, you don’t need a piece of paper to declare that love.”
Mum frowns. “You used to be all for marriage.”
I lean back in my chair and rake my fingers through my hair. This is the last thing I want to be discussing. “That was before I was screwed over.”
“What does screwed over mean?” Sean asks.
I give him my full attention. “It means that someone does something to you that is very bad.”
“So you probably wouldn’t be their friend anymore?” he asks.
“Absolutely not. And you would do everything you could to stop anyone else ever doing that thing to you,” I say.
“Luke.” Mum’s voice holds a warning.
“What?” I ask her. “He needs to know this stuff for when he gets older. No way am I ever letting anyone mess with him.”
Sadness flickers in her eyes. “Sometimes we can’t stop our kids being hurt. But the last thing we should do is teach them to close themselves off to life.”
“I don’t buy that bullshit. There’s a lot I can do to stop my child being hurt by other people. Number one is to teach him how to avoid being played by scheming bitches.” I shove my chair back and stand. “Sean will never be screwed over by a woman if I have anything to do with it.”
I stalk out of the room, needing some space to breathe. Thinking about my son going through any of the shit I’ve been through causes intense anger in me. I head out to the back deck to get some fresh air.
“Luke,” Callie calls after me as she follows.
I don’t wait for her, but rather, keep moving down the stairs. This isn’t something she can help me with.
“Luke!” Her tone grows more insistent, so I finally stop and face her when I reach the bottom of the stairs. She catches up and says, “Are you okay?”
I blow out a long breath. “You know I don’t like talking about my marriage, but Mum’s always pushing me to fucking talk about it.”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I think you need to. You’re so full of anger and resentment. You need to find a way to get that out so you can move on.”
Every muscle in my body swarms with anger and tension. It punches through me and all I want to do is find a way to smash it out of me. “Talking doesn’t fix anything, Callie. This anger sits in my gut every minute of every day. It’s not going anywhere, no matter how much I talk about it.”
“And it won’t. Not until you decide to let it go. You’re stuck and you’re holding onto it.”
My chest pumps hard with fury. “You think I want this?”
“I think you have every reason to be angry. I don’t think you want it, but I do think you want to cling to that anger with Jolene because it’s all you have. Anger, resentment and hurt. You’ve walked away from her physically, but you’re still with her emotionally. Until you can find a way to surrender those emotions, you’ll stay in this ugly place.” She moves closer and places her hand on my cheek. “I hate seeing you in this pain, Luke. I want you to be happy again.”
Her words sit between us. I listen to everything she says, but I fight against letting it in. She’s right. I don’t want to let my anger go. If I do that, Jolene wins, and no fucking way will that woman win. She’s fucked me over enough. I refuse to give her another inch.
I enclose her hand in mine and kiss it while I try to get myself under control. “Don’t misunderstand my emotions, Callie. I might be angry with Jolene, but that doesn’t mean I’m stuck. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years and I’m moving forward. With you.”
She contemplates that. When she speaks, there’s sadness in her words. “You are stuck, Luke. I can see that.” She lets my hand go and makes her way back inside.
My heart beats a little faster in my chest. She’s never walked away from a conversation before. As much as I wanted some space and a minute to myself, I didn’t want her to leave.
Fuck.
25
Callie
“So what happened after that?” Avery asks on Sunday night when we’re out celebrating. The music in the club almost drowns out our conversation but I can just hear her. It’s busy; if I didn’t know better I’d think it was a Saturday night.
“He spent about half an hour outside by himself. The rest of us sat around the dining table listening to his mother talk about her man. When he finally came in, it was really awkward between us for a while. Like, I’m talking a couple of hours. Everyone left, including Paris. Sean had a sleep while Luke and I sat on the couch watching TV in silence.”
She pulls a face. “Oh, God, it sounds awful.”