“I swear that woman doesn’t understand the concept of ‘private’,” I mutter with a shake of my head.
He looks up at me from across the desk. Frowning, he says, “You didn’t want me to know?” I understand his confusion. I’ve never hidden anything from him before, but this is different.
“It’s not that, Ty. The police told me not to tell anyone. I only told Mum because I needed to ask her for help.”
“Ah, and if she’s told me, who else has she told?” He grasps where I’m coming from. Our mother has loose lips a lot of the time, but I had hoped she would be more discerning with who she shared this information.
I nod. “Yeah. Hopefully, she hasn’t spread this across town.”
“So, this is a fucked-up situation. Have you spoken to the lawyer yet?”
It’s been two days since I spoke to both Mum and the lawyer, and I still haven’t heard much back from him yet. Nodding, I say, “He’s working on it.”
“And, shit, you had to fake it with Jolene? That must have sucked. Knowing you’re sitting across the table from a murderer who also happens to be the mother of your child.”
He doesn’t know the half of it. My brother is only two years younger than me, and yet some days that gap feels like a decade or more. Tyler still fucks around with his friends and hasn’t yet learnt the reality of responsibilities. I hope he draws this phase of his life out for years, because once you burden yourself with the mess of life, there’s no turning back.
“I don’t know what to feel anymore, Ty.” I’m honest with him, more honest than I’ve been in a long time, even with myself. I think it’s having Callie in my life now, because having her by my side will impact my son’s life significantly, and I can’t stop thinking about where life will lead me now.
“Why? I thought you’d worked through a lot of this already.”
“When I look at Jolene now, all I see are lies and betrayal. I’m disgusted that I fell for all that. And at the same time, she’s the mother of my child, and I have this connection with her that I’ll always have.”
“Do you still love her?” There’s no judgement in his question, unlike when my mother asked me this same question. It’s one of the many things I love about my brother; he’s always on my side.
I give him the most honest answer I have. “I think I fell out of love with Jolene a long time ago. We existed in a loveless marriage for a while there. And since she went to prison, I’ve moved through every emotion under the sun. I resented her for a long time, even when I thought she was innocent. I felt like my life had been ripped from me, all because of her. I felt guilty as hell over that, because what kind of husband feels resentment towards a wife who was wrongfully punished? And then when I discovered she really was guilty, I hated her. I’ve spent a long time living in that hate.” I take a breath. “I never wanted Sean to grow up without both parents together—I never wanted what you and I had for my son. I worked my ass off and let a lot of shit slide between Jolene and me to give him that life. And yet, she screwed it up anyway.”
“I’m sorry, Luke. I mean, I know we’ve talked about all this before, and I’ve thought about how it’s affected your life, but I don’t think I ever considered how conflicting it must be for you. To me, on the outside looking in, it seemed clear-cut. First, she was innocent, and then she was guilty. But, it’s not as simple as all that, is it?”
I shake my head. “Nothing ever is, Ty.”
“So, when do you think you’ll get back out there and date again?”
“I haven’t contemplated dating because that’s a whole new world for not only me but for Sean, too. And it wouldn’t have been fair to whomever I dated. Waiting around for a guy to sort out his relationship with his wife would hardly be something a woman would rate on her bucket list.” I pause for a moment and meet his gaze. “I’ve started seeing Callie.”
He whistles low and hits me with a smile. “It’s about time you two got it together.”
“Well, she wants to stay just friends until I’ve got the divorce happening, so we’re taking it slow for a while.”
“She’s gonna give you some hell, big brother,” he says with a grin. At my frown, he adds, “You have to admit you two set each other off sometimes. She’s always arguing with you.”
“Well, we’ve had one date, and she didn’t argue with me once. I think we’ve moved past that.”
He laughs. “You’re kidding yourself. Women don’t change that easily.” Pulling his wallet out, he says, “I’ll put fifty down on that.”
“You’re on.” This will be the easiest money I’ve ever taken from him.
* * *