She touches my shoulder and scrunches her eyes like we’re sharing good news together.
I forget to drink my tea until the room turns it cold.
? ? ?
I can’t concentrate on painting. I’m too busy dancing.
CHAPTER FIFTY
That’s ridiculous.” Jamie can’t believe my news. He looks almost as stunned as I feel.
“But not in a bad way, right? In a good way?” I press. I feel like I’m going to explode all over the room into a trillion tiny pieces of pure joy.
“In an amazing way,” he clarifies. “Wait. Does this mean you’re staying in California?”
The laughter erupting from my throat sounds so euphoric I don’t recognize it as mine. “I think so. I mean, I haven’t gotten accepted into Brightwood yet, but I’d have a job. And a place to sleep.” Delirium envelops my mind. I’d be independent. I’d have my own life.
In California.
With Jamie.
He can’t stop shaking his head and smiling.
“I mean, Hiroshi still might say no, so I probably shouldn’t get too excited.”
“He’s not going to say no,” Jamie interjects. “Are you kidding? I think that guy wants to adopt you.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s ridiculous.” Not that I would have any objections to Hiroshi and Mayumi adopting me, if it weren’t such a completely ridiculous thought.
Still, working at their café and remaining a part of their lives is more than good enough. It’s a dream.
Suddenly Jamie’s arms are wrapped around me. His mouth is pressed into my hair, and I can feel the warmth of his breath. It makes my skin tingle and my stomach flutter.
“God, I’ve honestly been so bummed out thinking about you leaving.” More breathing. More tingling.
I press my hands just below his shoulder blades and squeeze him close. It feels incredible, like us hugging is the last piece of the puzzle before the picture is complete.
When he pulls his face in front of mine, his eyes dart back and forth. “Look, I know I should have told you this a while ago, but I honestly haven’t been able to find the right—”
My phone rings.
Worst. Timing. Ever.
I want to ignore it—I try to, staring back into the two luminescent blue eyes in front of me. But Jamie clamps his mouth shut and glances at my bag.
I pull away, but not because I want to. I find the brightly lit screen—it’s Hiroshi.
Sorry, I mouth to Jamie. It might be about the job. Maybe he’s calling to say his wife was wrong to offer such an over-the-top opportunity. Maybe he wants to tell me I can’t come back to finish my painting.
“Hello?” My voice trembles into the phone.
He doesn’t take it back. He tells me he thinks it’s a phenomenal idea and that he only wishes he had thought of it himself. He even suggests we could keep painting together.
I feel like I’ve somehow stepped into another dimension where only good things happen to me. How is this even possible?
All the while Jamie watches me from the edge of his bed, grinning with excitement and giddiness that I’m sure nobody else in the world could ever understand.
Only Jamie knows how much this means to me.
After the phone call, I ask Jamie what he was going to say.
He waves his hand at me like it’s not a big deal. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you some other time.”
“Are you sure?” My heart thumps. I wonder if he was going to tell me how he feels about me. Maybe he was going to say he doesn’t want to “just be friends” anymore. It would be a good idea, because I’m pretty sure I’ve changed my mind.
Who cares if Jamie could destroy me with just his fingertip? I love him. I’ve always loved him. And this is literally the best day of my life. I might as well top it off by admitting what I’m certain Jamie already knows.
I’ve had feelings for him for most of my life. I want to stay in California so I can be close to him. And I really, really want him to kiss me.
It’s hard to hide my disappointment when Jamie nods. “Yeah, I’m sure. It can wait. Right now we need to be celebrating.”
“Okay,” I say in a breathy sigh. “But first I need to call Emery.”
? ? ?
Brandon and Elouise make homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner. Afterward Jamie and I go to the movies. And after that we go to a party on the beach.
What is my life right now? I feel like I’m experiencing what it’s like to be someone else. It’s intoxicating.
The sand is still warm even though the sun has completely disappeared. It’s lit up by a small bonfire and the headlights of a few trucks. I don’t know anyone here, but Jamie knows plenty of them. I still feel like I’m having a panic attack every time someone new comes to talk to me, but it feels better with Jamie’s hand locked onto mine. He’s like my IV, but instead of blood he’s giving me strength.
Someone starts up a small grill with hot dogs and burgers. The smell makes my mouth water, even though I haven’t eaten meat in years.
Jamie thinks it’s hilarious. “See, you’re going against natural instinct. We were meant to eat meat.”
I scrunch my nose. “There is nothing natural about that hot dog.”
“If you were starving and somebody gave you the choice of one kind of meat to save yourself, what would you pick?” The fire flickers in his eyes like he’s magic.
“Bacon. Super crispy bacon. Like, almost burnt.”
He tilts his head back like he’s laughing at the stars.
“If someone told you every type of meat was going to be taken away from your diet except one, what would you keep?”
“Chicken, definitely. You can make so many different kinds of chicken. It would never be boring.” He shrugs. “Coconut chicken, fried chicken, chicken katsu . . .”
“God, you’re making my choice look so bad. I’m starving and I go with the meat that will probably give me a heart attack and kill me anyway.”
He points to his head. “Practicality is one of my things.”
“Mm-hmm. Of course it is.”
He taps his shoe against mine. I nudge him back with my hand on his knee.
Next to my leg, my phone rings from inside my bag.
“Aren’t you popular today,” Jamie says.
“I know. Nobody ever calls me this much. Sometimes I put fake reminders on my phone just so it will ring.”
I look at the screen—it’s Mom.
Leaving Jamie and the bonfire behind me, I venture quickly toward the darkened sand.
“Hello?”
“Why didn’t you call me back? I said to call.” Mom sounds irritated.
“Sorry, I was busy today.”
“Oh. Well, I was waiting for you to call.”
WHAT I WANT TO SAY:
“You have never waited for me to call in the history of my life. You’re only saying that because you can somehow tell I’m happy without you.”
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY:
“Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were waiting.”
She sighs. “I don’t know if you heard, but I got in a huge fight with Shoji today.”
I frown. “Where would I have heard that from?”
“I don’t know. I thought maybe somebody would have told you.”
“Mom, people don’t spend their time talking about what’s going on in your life. Not everything is about you.” Oh my God, did I just say that out loud? I think I did. I’m sure I did.