“Are you going to take any of these?” He’s still by the canvases.
“There’s no room. I still don’t know where I’m going.” I feel rattled. I’m afraid Uncle Max will come home and yell at me for upsetting Mom. I’m afraid to look at him at all.
We go back to Jamie’s house. I don’t tell my mother good-bye.
? ? ?
I draw a girl on a train, surrounded by empty seats.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
I’m looking at apartments on my phone, getting more and more disheartened by the cost and the fear of the complete unknown, when Jamie groans from the other side of the room.
“My cousin is at Harry Potter World right now,” he says, flicking his thumb over his phone screen. “He keeps sending me pictures to make me jealous. That place is amazing.”
“I want a Harry Potter wand so bad.” I sigh. “Like, I want to show up and have the wand choose me.”
“Would it impress you at all if I told you I totally did that?”
“Yes. It absolutely would.”
“Well, I did. And I tried butterbeer.”
“You’re kind of the coolest person I know right now.”
“It doesn’t come naturally. I actually have to try really hard.”
I burst into a fit of laughter. He’s trying hard to keep his mouth flat.
“You live in California. At least you can go to a theme park whenever you want,” I say. “The most exciting place we have here is an outdoor shopping mall.”
Jamie’s face lights up. “You should come to California with me. We could go to Disneyland or Universal Studios. You know, to celebrate graduating high school.”
“What are you talking about?” I roll my eyes. “I can’t go to California. I need to find an apartment.” And then I pause. My brain starts to piece something together—something that makes me nervous and excited and terrified all at once.
An idea. A beautiful idea.
I look up at Jamie. “Do you think,” I start, “I don’t know, maybe . . .” Should I really ask him this? Have I lost my mind? “Do you think I could look at art schools in California? Maybe some of them are still accepting late applications. Plus, California is cheaper than New York.”
My heart thumps like a bass drum. I can’t believe I’m actually considering this.
When I catch the curiosity in his eyes, I raise a hand. “I don’t want that to seem weird, like I’m trying to follow you across state borders. It’s just, well, it’s someplace new, you know? A fresh start.” At least I’d know someone in California. Navigating through a new city wouldn’t be so scary if I had a friend there. Plus it’s hundreds of miles away from here. “I could go on a trial basis, for a couple of weeks. To see what the schools are like. What the area is like.”
Jamie’s eyes widen before snapping away from me. He looks like he’s struggling to say what he wants to, like all the words racing through his mind have just screeched to a halt on the tip of his tongue. Oh my God, he probably thinks I’m being ridiculous. He’s probably trying to think of a polite way to tell me I’ve lost my mind—that I can’t move to California to be closer to him. That we’ve only recently started to be friends again. That it’s too soon. That he doesn’t want me there.
My face gets hot, and I’m watching his eyes move around the room so quickly that I’m already trying to find a way to take back everything I’ve just said.
His gaze meets mine, and his mouth opens into such a huge smile that I feel the entire room get brighter. “You could stay at my house,” Jamie says, and everything inside me turns to air and happiness. “Until you figure out what you want to do or whatever. You know my parents already, so it wouldn’t be weird.” His blue eyes are wild with electricity. I think mine are like that too.
His dark lashes flutter just once before his pupils freeze like a cat in the street. We don’t have to speak, because we already know.
We’re picking up where we left off all those years ago.
Is that why it doesn’t feel fast? Is that why it feels so natural?
I know I should be thinking about this more. I know it’s reckless and unplanned and I’m choosing California because having Jamie there feels safer than being alone, but I don’t care.
It feels good to hope.
I swallow. It’s like a dream. I mean, not the first dream of being accepted into Prism, but it’s a perfect backup. It means I could spend more time with Jamie. We could be best friends again.
Jamie’s hand closes over mine. Sparks ignite in my core. I forget to breathe.
“Jamie.” My voice creaks. “I want us to be friends again.” I don’t mean it to sound indifferent, but it does. I don’t know how to use the right emotions when I speak—I’m just not good at speaking, period.
He pulls his hand away like he’s retreating.
If me and Jamie keep looking at each other with sparks and electricity and magic, there won’t be any turning back. I’ll be in love with him forever, and he’ll know it. And then there’s the chance I’ll lose him, and I don’t think I could handle losing Jamie. Not again. Not when I feel like I have so little control over my life as it is. There’s Mom, Uncle Max, Prism, and even the kiss with Adam—I’m suffocating beneath the weight of life inexperience. I don’t want Jamie to turn into the thing that breaks me.
He’s too important to me. Our childhood friendship is too important.
His expression softens. “Me too, Kiko.” Maybe I’m reading into everything. Maybe the sparks only exist in my head. Maybe he just wants to be friends too. “We are friends.”
The lump in my throat plummets to my stomach. “Okay. Cool.”
He raises a brow. “Friends and temporary roommates?”
I grin. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s do it. Let’s go to California together.”
We’re both giggling with excitement now.
Even though I feel sick, I try not to let it show.
Because disappointment always follows excitement.
? ? ?
I draw a boy and a girl swimming through a sea of stars.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Icall the bookstore and tell the manager I’ve had an emergency. I don’t explain why, but I say I need to leave the area for two weeks. She tells me she can give out my shifts to some of the part-timers, but that I’ll have to use up my vacation days. I tell her that’s fine.
Of course it’s fine. I’m going to California with Jamie Merrick. I’m going to look at art schools and see the ocean for the first time. I get a break from Mom and Uncle Max. I’m going to find a new dream.
It’s more than fine.
I follow behind Jamie out of town in my own car. I don’t say good-bye to Mom. I don’t even tell her where I’m going.
She doesn’t call, either.