Alexis glimpsed at me from over her bare shoulder. “This place is amazing. How did you find it?”
The hostess led us to the very back, and I held out her chair for her before I slid into the opposite side. “Guys and I used to hang out here every once in a while when we wanted to lie low. Get all of us together and things all of a sudden become a little more conspicuous.”
Those blue eyes played a rhythm of comfort and ease. “I can only imagine.”
“That, and they have about the best cheesecake in a thousand mile radius.”
“Ah…a man with a sweet tooth, huh?”
A grin ticked up at one side of my mouth. “What kind of man would I be if I didn’t have one? My mom used to make me clean my plate if I wanted dessert.”
“I’m assuming it’s safe to say it was a good tactic?”
“Uh…yeah. I would say so.” The chuckle that slipped free was wistful, the memory of the smile that used to grace my mom’s face stabbing the raw wound deep inside that would never heal.
Alexis unfolded her menu. “Then cheesecake it is. But what do we eat first?”
We ordered and the waitress brought us iced teas sweetened with real berries. Alexis took a sip of hers, peering at me from across the table, her voice turning into a breath as some of that redness flushed. “Is this…awkward?”
The slightest chuckle tumbled out. “No, Alexis. I think this is just about as far from awkward as it could be. If anything, it’s much too comfortable.”
Too easy and right.
An affected, shy smile pulled at her mouth and she dropped her chin a fraction. Locks of that white hair fell over one shoulder as she tilted her head and played with her straw, jabbing at a blueberry with the end of it like it was a dagger.
“Tell me about, Avril…before. About what it’s like to have a twin.”
Surprised, she looked up at me. A flash of sadness struck across her face before it quickened into tenderness. The smallest laugh left her mouth, and she swirled the straw in her tea, getting lost to the memories.
“We were inseparable, as you can imagine. It was like always having your best friend over to play. A friend who never had to go home and was exactly like you.”
“You both liked to do the same things?”
She gave a slight nod. “Yeah, but like I told you before, I was a little more adventurous, always coaxing her along when she got scared. But she always got this look on her face… It was different from the one I got. It was when I knew she was happy. Free. Experiencing something she’d never thought she’d be brave enough to do. ”
She looked straight at me, her voice lowered like a confession. “I think maybe that’s why I pushed her so much. I wanted to see her face like that because it made me feel amazing inside to see it. Lit up that place where I felt our connection most.”
Her tone turned wistful. “I can still see her…we were about seven and Chelsey had taken us to the park. Avril didn’t want to get on the merry-go-round. I hopped on, begging her to come with me. I told her I wouldn’t let her fall. She was terrified, but finally she climbed on. We both hung on to the same bar, our arms wound around and locked together, facing each other, while Chelsey spun us round and round.”
A tiny grin pulled at my mouth. “I can picture it. Bet you two were adorable.”
She gulped around the emotion as she continued, “I could see it the moment she started to realize how much fun it was. When she realized what she would have been missing if she hadn’t gotten on.”
The saddest smile rimmed her mouth as she looked across at me. “I was always coaxing her to go faster and farther, and she was always encouraging me to stop and look around. To appreciate what was already there.”
“And together you both experienced the best things in life.” I went for reassurance, but somehow my words were filled with longing, yearning for the days that’d been lost.
Both for Alexis and Avril and for me and Mark.
“Exactly.” Something pleading climbed into her expression. “I know you see this horrible person, Zee. But I still see the person she used to be…that person who’s hiding underneath. That’s who she really is, and I can’t stop believing that person exists.”
I reached out and threaded my fingers through hers where they rested on the tabletop. “No one should ever ask you to stop believing in that. The only thing I’m asking you is to protect yourself along the way. You’re living for her, and you deserve to be lived for, too.”
Maybe I meant more by it. Maybe it felt like I was exactly like Avril. Taking all the good I could get from Alexis while I could.
I cleared my throat. “So…it was just you and Avril, your older sister, and your mom?”
She seemed to try to shake the heaviness off, even though I could see the remnants clinging to her. “Yeah. Mom had to work a lot to support us, so it was Chelsey’s job a lot of the time to watch us and keep us in line. She really hasn’t stepped down from the position.”
I chuckled. “She’s protective of you, yeah?”
I could’ve sworn she rolled her eyes a bit. “You could say that.”
I laughed a little harder. “Nothing wrong with someone looking out for you.”
“Oh, she takes it to a whole new level.”
“I like her already,” I said.
Alexis giggled. “Between the two of you, I don’t know how I even make it out my door. I’m surprised one of you didn’t show up to escort me to work this week.”
“That sounds like a great idea.”
Her head shook. “Goofball.”
My chest squeezed. I loved it, the way she talked to me. Like I was just another guy.
No. Strike that. Not just another guy—her guy.
The kind of guy who might be good enough for a girl like her. I ran my thumb over her knuckles, our fingers still wound, hooked on this connection, for just a little while, refusing to let it go. “So…was it hard without your dad?”
Her gaze dropped in contemplation, the girl so open when she looked back up at me.
“It was hard in the sense that we didn’t get to spend as much time with our mom as we wanted to. She is great…like amazingly great. So, it was hard with her being gone so much, on her because she didn’t want to leave, and on Chelsey because it gave her so much added responsibility. But otherwise?”
“Yeah?” I asked.
Her shoulders lifted to her ears. “No. We were all better off without him. He left when Avril and I were barely walking. I could have let it bother me. Turn me needy for attention. But I don’t really think I ever felt that void. The love I received from all three of them…it was enough…and I can only hope now it was enough for the rest of them.”
God.
This girl.
“You are unlike anyone I’ve ever met, Alexis.”
Redness flared, and she dropped her chin, fighting one of those grins that tugged at all those strings inside me. Strings that were getting more and more attached to her.