My heart rate seemed to accelerate exponentially, and I started to feel too warm.
I should have better control of my kids.
I should have strapped them in their pushchair.
I shouldn’t have come.
One-year-old twins and a newborn had no place in a corporate office. Whatever was I thinking bringing them here?
I had a tight grip on Archie’s hand and made a grab for the hood of Flynn’s coat as he reached for the plant sitting in the corner. Flynn had a thing for greenery and had our tree over three times at Christmas.
Just as I was pulling him backward, there was a lot of noise behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Luke come through the door first. He didn’t see me straight away as he was looking down at his phone. Aiden, one of their newer recruits was next, and then Mel and Liam, who had his arm thrown over the shoulder of Cassie, the part-time receptionist. My whole body froze as she threw her head back and laughed at whatever my husband had just said to her.
“Sunshine?” My eyes swung to meet Luke’s. “Fuck, you okay? You look...”
“I’m fine,” I mumbled.
Cassie had stopped laughing and Liam had removed his arm from her shoulder by the time I looked back at them, but the damage was done, and the rot set in. My mind reeled with the possibilities of what I had just witnessed—none of which were good.
“Sarah?” I relinquished my hold on Flynn and let him launch himself at Liam, who held our small, sticky son at arm’s length.
“Woah there, tiger. Look at the state of you, what’s that you’re wearing all down ya, banana?”
“Narna,” Flynn repeated.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I took Lucas from Liz.
“Thanks,” I said with a small smile and proceed to follow Liam into his office.
“Oh, Sarah, you’ve got something . . .” Liz started to say.
“Oh my God, you’ve got baby vomit all down your back and in your hair. Gross.” I turned around as Mel laughed. “Gross,” she repeated, covering her mouth and nose with one perfectly manicured hand.
My eyes landed on Luke’s and he took three long strides towards me, took Archie from my grasp, and steered me into Liam’s office.
“You okay?”
No. I was not.
I wanted to get out of there.
I didn’t belong in the world of grown-ups.
My place was at home, pumping out babies and breast milk.
“What’s wrong?”
“Life. Everything.” I shrugged my shoulders, but I knew he saw that tremble in my lips as I fought not to cry. “I’ll be fine, just tired.” I waved away his concern and blinked rapidly to halt the tears.
Liam emerged from his bathroom with a clean and fresh-faced Flynn.
“Hey, bub. You go to the doctors this morning?” Liam asked as he moved in and kissed me gently on the lips.
“Doctors? Please tell me you’re not pregnant again? You look dead on your feet as it is.”
Liam seemed to flinch at Luke’s words. Did I look that fucking bad? I couldn’t even remember checking the mirror that morning before I left the house.
My hand went to my hair, and I realised I didn’t put it up like I usually did. I couldn’t even remember running a brush through it.
“No. Definitely not pregnant. My shops shut. Liam’s gonna go and get the snip. I think we’ve done our bit for the population.”
“The snip, eh? Good man. Better than putting her through any more.” Luke winked at me as Liam rolled his eyes at my brother.
“Take that cardigan off, Sunshine. I’ll give it a wipe.” I pulled off the skinny cotton cardigan I was wearing and handed it to my brother. And just to add to my humiliation, it was then that I looked down at my top and found that not only was I wearing it inside out, but also backwards.
The twins were let lose to run amuck around Liam’s office, and I watched in a haze of exhaustion and hurt as he moved anything breakable out of their reach. They found the box of toys that he kept there for whenever the boys visited and sat down to play noisily. Liam came over and took Lucas from me, holding our youngest close to his chest.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He reached out and tucked some hair behind my ear. I flinched. It was the same hand that was flung over Cassie’s shoulder. I didn’t want it touching me. I didn’t want it near my children really, either, but I had no choice but to watch as Liam patted Lucas’s back with it.
“Bub?”
“The school called.” I grasped at the only thing that wasn’t accusations.
“What? Why?”
“They want one of us to go up for a meeting to discuss the ‘difficult’ phase Carter is going through.” I used air quotes for the word difficult.
“Fuck. What’s he done?”
“She wouldn’t say.”
“I’ll call them and see if I can get up there tonight.”
“Thanks.”
He gave a small laugh. “Don’t thank me, he’s my kid, too.”