I would have a cup of tea and then decide if I should look or if I should wait for my husband to be here before finding out the result.
I started to leave the bathroom but then stopped in my tracks.
“Am I allowed to drink tea if I’m pregnant?”
I had been alone so much lately that I had gotten into the habit of talking aloud to myself. I felt the now common stab of loneliness as the realisation hit me that I had no one to talk to, no one to ask about all of these questions. No mum.
I thought back to the speech I made at my wedding and the guilt hit me. What I said then was true. Growing up, I didn’t feel as if I were missing out, but with the possibility of motherhood looming, I wished mine were around. If I were totally honest, I also wished my dad were around, too. Did he ever wonder about us? Did he have any idea about the amazingly successful businessman my brother had become? Would he care?
Over the years, I had seen a few photos of him with my mum and with Luke. They were hard to look at because it hurt so much to think that he’d walked away and left me without looking back.
I let out a heavy sigh and made my way downstairs, wondering if he was even still alive. If he was, did he even know that my mum died?
My thoughts were cut short when I saw a note pinned to the fridge by a magnet, I walked straight over and took it down, reading it as I opened up my laptop that was sitting on the table.
Morning, pretty girl.
Sorry I got home so late, everything took longer than we thought, but it was all worth it in the end as we sealed the deal. You were sleeping so soundly that I didn’t wanna wake you. I’ve had to pop in for a few hours this morning, but I’ll be home by lunchtime. We should celebrate later—drinks and the club with Luke or dinner for just the two of us? Have a think about it, and just know that as soon as I get home, I need to be inside you. I feel like I’ve barely seen or touched you since we came back home, and I hate it. Text me once you’re awake.
Love ya, bub x
I felt the tension ease out of me as I read his note. He hated being apart as much as I did. I went without my tea and my research and took the stairs two at a time on the way to my bathroom to retrieve the pregnancy test.
Two blue lines.
Positive.
I was pregnant.
I smiled, laughed, and cried all at the same time as I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and stared at the two lines that had just changed my life. It was not as if I was shocked. I had a feeling that this would be the result, and at least this explained the headaches and nausea.
I wallowed in a kind of mini euphoria for a few long moments, unable to wipe the stupid grin off my face or the tears that leaked from my eyes. I was glad that I did this on my own. I felt quite smug that I was in possession of this knowledge while Liam was totally oblivious.
I stood with my hand on my belly and did what about every woman that just found out she was pregnant did since the invention of mirrors, I turned sideways, pulled up my T-shirt, and looked at my reflection.
Nope, no different.
“That’s because you’re about the size of my little finger nail right now,” I told the baby. “But don’t worry, you’ll soon grow, and then everyone will know that you’re in there.” Actually looking down at my belly as I spoke, I continued with, “Well, at least I’m no longer talking entirely to myself now that I have you.”
Climbing into the shower I thought about how I was gonna go about rocking Liam’s world with this news and then the smiley/laugh/crying started up again.
***
I decided to have a walk down to the local shops before Liam got home from work and grab something that was going to help me with my pregnancy reveal. While I was there, I grabbed something for Luke and Sash, too. I figured that if I was going to make a show of telling Liam, I could do the same for my brother and best friend as well. I was so full of nervous energy that I was fairly convinced I was about implode, explode and dissolve, all at the same time. The feeling stayed with me the entire way home, but I didn’t mind, I enjoyed it. I was buzzing and felt more alive and happy than I had in weeks.
As I turned into my court, I spotted my brother’s car on my drive parked next to Liam’s, and I started to vibrate from my head to my toes in anticipation of being in the company of others and trying to hold on to my secret for just a little bit longer.
The double doors that led into my house were wide open, and I could hear Liam and my brother talking and laughing from my family room. I walked in to find Luke standing on a chair and supporting a Christmas tree that was about touching the ceiling, while Liam attempted to set the base in a large cast iron pot.
“How’s it looking now?” Liam asked my brother.
“Still looks like it’s on the piss to me.”
“How on the piss?”
“About a half bottle of vodka pissed.”
“Shit.”
“You better get a level on this thing, you know my sister, she’ll come straight through those doors and say . . .”