Everything moves in a blur as we melt into each other, grasping and kissing.
In a blink we are in a bedroom, our clothes gone, our skin touching in places that makes me moan and arch my hips toward him with need.
We lie on top of a white feather comforter and he hovers over me. I wiggle closer, needing him inside me. Part of me wants to rush, to get the painful part over.
“Are you a virgin?” he asks, his brown eyes hot yet hesitant.
I nod, and he lets out an exhale. “I want to say I’m sorry for taking it from you, but I’m glad it’s me and not Tren—”
I put a finger to his lips. “It’s you. Always you.”
He runs a long finger down my cheek, his brown eyes holding mine, an anxiousness there that makes my heart flutter even more. “Before we do this . . . will you come to LA with me?” he whispers. “I want you with me, Rose. All the time.”
What about New York? I think for half a second, but then he kisses me.
I want to be with him. He’s my butterfly.
“I’ll follow you anywhere,” I say.
He kisses me again, his lips hot, his hands hotter as he touches my center, preparing me for him. I writhe and beg him to hurry.
Neither of us hears our parents walk into the room.
Spider
“YOU SAID YOU’D LEAVE HER alone,” my father yells as we face off against each other in the kitchen of the flat. He glares at me as he paces around the penthouse. I sit on a barstool with no shirt on, drinking the watery Jack and Coke Sebastian left out for me before everything went to hell.
I set the glass down and rake a shaking hand through my hair, tugging on the ends. Fuck. I really screwed things up now.
Rose has already left, whisked away by Anne as soon as she threw her clothes on.
God, her face.
It was white as a sheet.
She was mortified . . . and calling my name.
What a cluster fuck.
“You’re a bloody liar who can’t keep his hands to himself,” Father tosses out as I take another drink and slam my glass on the counter.
“You can leave any time,” I grind out.
“This is my penthouse.” His lips tighten. “Whether it’s women or drugs or booze, you always take too much.” He shakes his head. “By the way, the housekeeper found the coke you left in the bathroom upstairs. You go too far, Clarence. Too far.”
“Piss off.” I scrub my face.
Rose.
That’s all I can see.
Her face. Those eyes that look at me like I am a fucking hero.
Far from it—I am a goddamn mess.
I’m not fit for anyone—not like this, not really.
I clench my fists. What have I gotten her into?
I need a bump.
I need a hit.
I need anything.
I need Rose.
My heart cracks, fucking breaks in my chest, and I want to rip open my body and yank it out. Instead, I jerk up and pace around the room, opting to make myself another drink and suck it down. Father watches me warily, his lips flat.
Sebastian walks in the door and comes to an abrupt halt, a look of confusion on his face as he takes in the scene. His gaze sweeps the place, looking for Rose. He showed up here yesterday to check on me and convince me to pack my bags and come to LA with him now instead of later.
Father turns his gaze to him, his voice lower than when he spoke to me. “This is a private conversation, Sebastian.”
Sebastian takes one look at my face and stands his ground. “I understand, but I think I’ll stay, sir. Spider may need me.”
I exhale. Sebastian is the best mate I have. He’s always been right here with me since prep school days, picking up the pieces. I don’t deserve him either. I don’t deserve shit.
“He walked in on us.”
Sebastian’s face pales. “Shit.” Ignoring my father, he comes over and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You good?”
I nod my head.
Then I shake it. “No.” My stomach hurts, and the look on Rose’s face when she walked out wrecked me. I clench my fists together and rub my eyes. “I fucked up. I need to go find Rose.”
A long breath comes from Sebastian. “Spider . . . dude . . . think long and hard about that. She’s a kid, and you’re on your way out of town. Maybe . . . maybe this is how it’s supposed to be.”
My father chimes in. “Do you have any idea what this could do to Anne . . . to our relationship?”
I look at him and there’s worry mingled with anger etched on his face.
“I’m just bad luck for you, aren’t I?” I say.
Cate, my eyes say. Mum.
He exhales and holds his hands up. “It’s not like that, Spider. This is just a fresh start for me. For us—if you want it to be.”
I shrug and look away from him. I don’t want to think about fresh starts.
He tugs on his tie, loosening it. “I wasn’t around when you were young, but this thing with Anne . . . I love her . . .” He trails off.
What about me?
Ignoring him, I stalk past him and outside to the balcony where I pull a cigarette from my pocket and light it up, sucking in the nicotine.
I hear Father and Sebastian talking quietly inside, but I tune them out.
I’ve smoked five cigarettes when I feel my father join me even though I don’t look at him. He’s made his own drink and is sipping on a Scotch, a visible tremor in his hand. He lets out a deep exhale. “I can tell you think highly of Rose, and maybe this is more than just one of your usual—”
I send him a withering look. “Don’t. You don’t know anything about me,” I bite out.
He nods, that cool English exterior of his in full force. “Indeed. You’re right, I don’t know you, because we never spent much time together. I barely had time for you when you were a baby. Your sister died, your mum left, and I carried on like nothing had changed. I dumped you at a boarding school in a foreign country and went to work. It was terribly wrong of me, and my only excuse is . . . well, I didn’t know how to be what you needed. I’m sorry for it. I feel partly responsible for the situation you currently find yourself in—using drugs and thinking you’re in love with an underage girl.”
I clench the railing of the balcony. I can’t believe he just said all that. I spear him with a look, glad he said it. It makes it real. “I think that just about covers it.” I pause. “After Mum left, I saw you six times in four years. That’s fucked up.”
He nods. “I can do better. I want to.”
We stand there in the wind, watching the cars move below. I think about the past, about how unhappy my father has probably been since Cate and Mum.
I exhale a deep breath. “Believe it or not, I’m . . . glad for you.” I wave my hands at him. “Anne and the baby. You deserve a second chance.”
A strained, pensive look flits across his face as he sticks his hands in his pockets and stares out at the skyline. “Every day is a second chance, son. All you have to do is take it.”
I slide my eyes to his, gauging his reaction. “Maybe Rose is what I need.”
A firmness settles on his face. “There’s only one thing that’s certain in this situation, and it’s that you need to get out of her life.”
I know he’s right.
There’s a side of me that also feels disappointed in myself, in my inability to leave her alone. I rub my forehead.