He picked up the books I’d bought him. “Is it okay if we go early? I’ve had the best night, but it’s almost eleven.”
“Sure,” I said, standing with him. “I didn’t mean to scare you off. I wouldn’t have asked without your permission.”
He gave me a tight smile. “No, it’s not that…”
I could tell it totally was. “Well, we better get you home before the stroke of midnight.”
“I won’t turn into a pumpkin,” he mumbled.
“Shame. I love eating pumpkin.”
He laughed again; the smile that lingered was genuine.
We hailed a cab and climbed into the back. Andrew gave directions to his place, sat right up close to me, and held my hand. “I did have the best night,” he said, not caring if the cabbie heard or saw us. “But I figured it’ll take us a while to get home, then to fall asleep…” He blushed.
Mmm, the mere hint of suggestiveness made my whole body warm. “Oh, any particular plans I should know about?”
“I thought we could improvise,” he said.
“I like improvising.”
He sighed and leaned against me. Traffic was fairly steady, and we had a decent fifteen minute cab ride ahead of us. I couldn’t blame him for getting comfortable. I put my arm around his shoulder, and he sighed contentedly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” I answered, hoping it was a question laced with innuendo. Mental foreplay was a lot of fun. “But before you ask, no I’ve never played naked Twister before.”
He snorted. “That totally wasn’t my question.”
“Shame.”
“It’s about your family.”
I blinked, shocked. I wasn’t expecting that at all. “Oh.”
He sat up. “No, sorry, it’s nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I wasn’t sure what he could possibly want to know. I hadn’t mentioned them since that first day we really got together, after my complete meltdown when I thought Andrew had gone back to his ex. I also hadn’t thought of them since then. I’d been too busy—too happy—with Andrew. “It’s okay,” I said, swallowing thickly. “Ask away.”
“No, it was silly, and I shouldn’t have mentioned them.”
“Well, you have now, so just ask.”
He furrowed his brow and the corner of his lip pulled down. “It was just about fate and destiny, that’s all. You said you believed everything happened for a reason…” He shrugged. “Just forget I mentioned them. Sorry.”
“You’re wondering if I believe that all things happen for a reason, what purpose my family disowning me could possibly mean?”
He frowned and pulled back, putting a distance between us. “I’m sorry.”
“Andrew, would you stop apologising?”
He shook his head. “I do this, you know. Ruin things, that is. I say things that affront people, and I ruin things.”
“You didn’t ruin anything.”
He rolled his eyes, and I really couldn’t tell if it was aimed at me, or at himself. He was certainly pissed with himself. His jaw clenched and he stared out the window, like he couldn’t bear to look at me. And just like that, he shut me out. I knew I was new to relationships, in the whole scheme of things, and somewhat defensive by nature. But this reaction from him threw me completely. I had no idea how we went from having the best night, to a silent void between us.
“Andrew, would you look at me?”
He did and waited for me to speak.
“You didn’t ruin anything by asking me a question.”
“It was insensitive, and I should have known better.”
“I’m not made of glass,” I told him, pissed off he thought I was that fragile. “I know I have… issues when it comes to my family. The meltdown I had when we first met was a combination of things, and I’m sorry you got caught up in that, but it doesn’t mean you have to walk on eggshells around me. If you want to fucking know something, then ask.”
He blinked, shocked. “You’re angry,” he whispered. “See? This is what I do.”
“I’m not angry that you asked me about my family, Andrew. I’m angry that you think you have to censor yourself around me, and when I question that, your first reaction is to put a wall up between us.”
He swallowed hard. “I’m sorry.”
“Please stop apologising.”
“But I am. I ruined the perfect night.”
“You didn’t ruin it.”
“Well, you’re angry with me so I’d consider that ruined.”
I put my hands through my hair and realised the cab had turned into Andrew’s street. “I’m not angry,” I said softly.
“You just said you were,” he countered.
The cab stopped and I sighed, defeated. Did I get out with him? Did he even want me to? He put his hand on the door handle. “You should probably just go home,” he said.
Right, then. No guessing required.
He opened the door, and I grabbed his arm. “Andrew, what just happened?”
He smiled ruefully. “I told you. I ruined it.” He passed some money to the cab driver and got out. He turned to face me, and the look on his face squeezed my heart. “I’ll call you,” he choked out and closed the door.