I want to tell him that it's the same for me, but I don't. I do see the flames, but I can chase them away by going for a walk or reading a book. I can escape the thought of them because my life is still intact. Tyler's isn't.
He runs an unsteady hand across his forehead. "I'm trying to keep it together for the employees but I'm hanging on by a thread. Hunter wants to rebuild. He's fronting the cost before insurance kicks in so I jumped on board. It's moving too fast and at the same time not fast enough. I want my restaurant back."
I look into his eyes. "I doubt I can fully understand everything you have to deal with right now."
"The other night was an escape from all of it. I stopped thinking about it when we were together. I felt relaxed for the first time since Nova… since I lost Nova. You helped me that night, Cadence. You let me feel something other than anger and hopelessness."
I tilt my head.
"You're an incredible woman." He swallows hard. "When I'm with you I feel this energy that I can't explain. It's right there between us. I know you feel it too."
I do feel it. It's palpable. I know other people sense it when they're near us. It's not enough though. It can't negate the things he said to me.
"I messed up when you said you didn't want to go to Magari."
"You did," I agree. "You made assumptions that weren't true."
"I know." He shoves his hand through his thick brown hair. "It was wrong. I feel sick for doing that to you but you need to understand what I saw in your face."
I raise my hand to my neck, my fingers resting against my skin. "What did you see in my face?"
"Anxiety," he offers as he pulls on the arm of the T-shirt he's wearing adjusting it on his bicep. "You had the same look on your face that night at Nova when I first asked you about Brendon."
I stare at his arms, at all the tattoos. I don't have any. I've never wanted to display myself in that way to the world. I've always tried to hide behind an apron or in my apartment.
"I made an assumption that you were hesitant because of another guy. I'm sorry about that. I realize now that you were just trying to protect me. You knew that walking into another restaurant so soon after losing Nova would drop me."
I breathe a sigh of relief, grateful for the apology even if the reasoning behind it is a stretch. I never considered that going to another restaurant would be too much for him, but I guess it makes sense.
He doesn't wait for me to respond. "I met my sister for dinner last night. I lasted less than five minutes inside the bistro by her place. The smells, the sounds, all of it was a reminder of Nova. We bailed and went to her place instead."
"It'll get easier," I offer with a sigh.
"Rebuilding Nova is a starting point." His chest expands as he draws in a deep breath. "That doesn't fix what happened between us. I need us back where we were before I lost it the other night."
"I had a life before I met you." I finally jump into the conversation full force. "It didn't involve bedding all the chefs in Manhattan."
He looks at me, his eyes searching. "I was out of line. You have every right to be pissed off at me."
I arch a brow. "You're right. I do."
"I want you all to myself, Cadence." His voice is deep, husky. "I get that you had a life before you met me. It's hard to not think about that."
"I can't erase my past."
"I know," he says quietly. "I can't erase mine either."
I'm tempted to ask about his past, specifically Neela. I want to know how long they were together and if he loved her, but I can't ask him that. If I do it gives him carte blanche to ask for more details about me and Brendon and that's a door that is now permanently closed and nailed shut.
"You really hurt me, Tyler," I whisper. "Some of those things you said are hard to forget."
"I know." He moves closer to me. "Let me show you that I can do better, Cadence. Give me a chance to do that."
"You can't keep dwelling on my relationship with Brendon." I drop my hand to my hip. "You have to accept that it happened and that it's over."
"I can do that." His arms cross over his chest. "I can do whatever it takes to make things right between us."
"Don't let my past ruin this." I stare into his eyes. "What happened the other night can't happen again, Tyler. If it does, this part of our relationship is over."
"I understand." His gaze is fierce as he closes the distance between us. "I'll keep my jealousy in check. I'll show you that I'm a better man than that."
"I believe that you're a better man than that."
"I'll prove to you that I am. You have my word."
I reach up to touch his chin with my hand. "It hurt too much, Tyler. It worries me that you can hurt me that much."
"Don't." He eases me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. "I promise it won't happen again. Let me show you how good I can be for you."
CHAPTER 10
He places the food in front of me. The aroma of garlic instantly assaults me. It's so strong that my eyes start to tear up.
"Chef?" I look at the deep bowl filled with handmade pasta and tomato sauce. "How much garlic did you put in this?"