Since Ceris wouldn’t leave Victor’s bedside, Izaera went on a few shopping trips for us alone. First, she brought the most urgent: medical supplies, including blood bags, IVs, gauze, antiseptic, morphine, ibuprofen, and a bunch of other things. Then she went out for food. The next trip was for clothes and shoes for all of us, and the last trip was for camping gear, since the shack only had two bedrooms—at first, she wanted to bring tents, but it was too cold outside. She ended up bringing several sleeping bags so we could camp in the living room. Micah insisted Izaera, Keisha, and I take the second bedroom, though one of us would to have to sleep on the floor.
Later, while Keisha helped Morgan in the kitchen with dinner, we all took turns in the only shower in the cottage. After my quick turn, I went to my bedroom, turned off the lights, laid down in my bed, and hugged Pinky.
I tried keeping thoughts of Micah out of my mind, but it was too damn hard. I didn’t want to wonder why he almost kissed me and then backed out. I also chided myself for not having more self-control and for allowing these moments to happen. I should have pulled back when I noticed his eyes boring into mine, seeing through me, into my soul. A soul that belonged to him anyway.
Grunting, I rolled in bed and willed sleep to come and carry me away from here because I didn’t want to deal with any of this.
However, sleep didn’t come easily. When Keisha called me out later for dinner, I pretended to be sleeping. Later that night a nightmare visited me, and I did my best to stay in bed, awake but quiet so as not to wake Keisha and Izaera.
The next two days were completely boring. The cottage was too small for all of us, and there was nothing to do on the island, especially since it hadn’t stopped snowing outside.
Keisha and I stretched and did some exercises a couple of times per day, mostly to pass the time, but she was rusty after being in a bed for a few days.
Ceris didn’t leave Victor’s bedroom, even after he woke up on the second day. He seemed conscious and fighting his wound, though he still needed lots of rest. And lots of my healing, which made me wonder if he was truly recovering at all.
On the third day, Ceris emerged, carrying Victor with her, putting my doubts to rest. “He wants to walk a little,” she explained. Half an hour later, they were back in his bedroom.
“We can’t wait for them forever,” Morgan said. We were huddled around the dinner table, eating Izaera’s chicken noodle soup, which was delicious. “I mean, we could at least talk about finding the scepters, hash out a plan or two.”
Micah nodded. “I understand, but there isn’t much we can do without them. Even if we hash out a plan, Ceris will want to revise everything, every little detail, and we’ll waste the same amount of time.”
“It’s not like we have anything to do now,” Keisha muttered.
“I know what we could do,” Zelen said. “We could improvise a sled and enjoy this shitty island.”
Everyone chuckled. I only smiled.
After that the conversation drifted, I went to wash the dishes, and Keisha was by my side drying them.
“So,” she said. “What’s the problem?”
“What you mean?” I asked.
“You haven’t spoken much these past few days. Like, at all.”
I shrugged. “There isn’t much to talk about. There’s nothing happening.”
She offered me a knowing look. “Ah.”
Micah cut between us, placing a dirty plate in the sink. He took his time, his body looming too close, and his eyes on mine.
When he stepped back, warmth invaded my cheeks, and Keisha snorted. “Yeah, nothing happening.”
I shook my head and focused on my important task. To wash dirty dishes.
That evening I put on a thick coat over my clothes and headed outside.
I didn’t know why, but I wanted to walk around the snow-covered island, even though it didn’t hold good memories. I had been here for three days and had managed to avoid it, but after so long inside the cottage with everyone around, all I wanted was a moment of peace and quiet.
I wandered to a rocky parcel, my snow boots crunching the snow, watching the waves as they crashed on the white sand at the farthest corner of the tiny island—where Micah had left with the Fates a little over four months ago.
The cold wind blew around me, and I adjusted my beanie and the collar of my coat, pulling it tight against my neck.
Snow crunched under heavy footsteps, but I didn’t turn since I was sure I knew who it was.
“Isn’t it too cold to be out here?” Micah asked, coming to stand beside me. He zipped up his coat and blew on his gloveless hands.
I raised my eyebrows at him. “You tell me.”
“Well, I know how you can get warm pretty fast, darling.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and I chuckled. He was already back to himself. “You can’t say you don’t want it.”
“Always full of yourself.”
He put his hands in the pockets of his coat and nudged me with his elbow. “As if it wasn’t true.”
I shook my head, returning my eyes to the beach. I didn’t understand him. One minute he was pushing, the other he was pulling. I was tired of that. I was tired of everything.
He followed my gaze. “Why are you on this side of the island?” he asked. I shrugged. A long moment of silence passed before he spoke again. “I stood right there”—he pointed to the beach before us—“when the Fates took me away from here.”
Oh, he remembered that too. Maybe he also remembered how that had hurt me—more than I was willing to admit.
“You know I did that for your own good, right?”
“No, I don’t know,” I muttered.
“I was … am not a good influence. I wanted to stay away so you would be free to make your own choices.”
I scoffed. “My own choices? First, Ceris commanded me like a puppet, then the Fates owned me, and now my soul is yours. Who has any choice here?”
He sighed. “You have no idea how I wish you never got involved in this.”
Ouch. I knew he didn’t mean it like that, but it hurt anyway. “I’m sorry if my presence bothers you. Believe me, it wasn’t my choice.”
I turned around and marched away.
“Nadine …” He cursed and caught up with me, stepping in my way. “That’s not what I meant. We are at war. We have barely begun to fight and look at us. Levi is hurt, and we don’t know how or if he’s going to be okay. Keisha and Morgan have had some rough patches too. My Death Lords betrayed me. Imha and Omi discovered our first hideout. The—”
“I was captured, and my family killed,” I interrupted him, adding to his list, but my voice broke and I flinched at my words.
He clasped my shoulders. “You have no idea how sick I felt knowing they had you, knowing they had your family.” His hands slid down my arms, and he cupped my elbows, pulling me closer. “You don’t know how many times Ceris had to hold me back so I wouldn’t march into Imha’s place myself.”
I stepped back and he let go of me. “You can’t do that.”