Callum looked her in the eye. “Not on this bed. Never on this bed.” He didn’t let her say a word as he got off the bed and walked to the door. But then he paused and hung his head low. “I’m sorry, Peyton. You don’t understand how much that bed means to me,” he said sadly before he opened the door and left her room and then the house.
Peyton let her head fall back as she stared at the ceiling and listened to the sound of the water rushing out of the tap. She forced her eyes shut and tried to forget the image of him crying. Tried to forget the desperation. Tried to forget the apology and regret. But forgetting wasn’t happening. It continuously burned holes through her chest.
Never on this bed.
She slowly opened her eyes and looked down at the bubbled water of the tub.
“Why my bed?” she thought out loud and turned off the tap. “Why didn’t he use the safe word?”
Why didn’t I use it?
Peyton’s hands covered her face. “Because I didn’t want to use it. I couldn’t.”
She quickly placed her hands on either side of the porcelain tub and submerged herself under the hot water in an attempt to drown herself. Death was an easier solution…if she weren’t so afraid of dying. Instead, she started counting.
One.
You.
Two.
Still.
Three.
Love.
Four.
Him.
Peyton jerked out from under the water, gasping. Once her breathing settled, she wiped her face of the bubbles then shook her head. She was still in love with him. The concept was one she didn’t welcome. She couldn’t.
“Oh, God,” she cried. “No. Anyone. Love anyone but him.”
The sound of a new text message had her looking over the tub to her phone on the tiled floor. Reaching over, she picked it up, water settling on the screen as she unlocked her phone.
Callum: I need to see you. Meet me tonight.
Peyton: Why?
Callum: Because you want to see me, too.
Her breath caught and she swallowed hard. No denying it. She wanted to see him. Wanted an explanation for the tears. She wanted a lot of explanations from Callum Reid.
Peyton: Where?
Callum: You know where, Peyton.
Peyton hugged her thick jacket tighter as she walked over the hill and to the lake. The sun had already set and the temperature was dropping. After her morning bath, she’d pulled out the box from under her bed. It was a box of things he had left behind and little things they’d collected together. She’d gone through the contents for the first time in over four years. She’d come across a small, dried branch of pink cherry blossoms. It was the same branch he’d broken off for her the first time they’d sat under the tree outside her window. She’d kept it and cherished it until it had found its way into the box under her bed.
Her phone vibrated, so Peyton took it out of her pocket as she walked on the hotel grounds. She read the new message from Callum.
Callum: I’ll be here waiting for you. Whenever you’re ready.
She stopped just outside the path that took her into the woods and to their circle of trees. A place in this world that she both loved and hated. A place where she felt secure and insecure. A place where he never reciprocated her love.
Peyton: I should turn back.
Callum: You should. But I don’t want you to.
Peyton: What do you want?
Callum: To be with you.
She stared at his message and swallowed hard.
Callum: And to not be with you.
Her heart plunged.
Callum: But I want to be with you. I’ve always wanted to be with you. But I couldn’t and shouldn’t. You’re smart, Peyton. It would be stupid to be with me tonight.
Peyton looked back and stared in the direction of her street and then at the path. Then she glanced down at her phone and typed.
Peyton: I’m stupid.
Peyton: And I’m foolish.
Peyton: But foremost, I am stupid.
Once the message sent, she locked her phone and returned it to her pocket. The darkened forest that met her was one she stared at for a moment before she took a step towards it.
It didn’t take long until Peyton found the circular rock, and she walked down the short incline, avoiding loose rocks and fresh mud, to see orange flashing. Slowly, she trekked through the dense foliage until she broke into the circle of trees. She stepped forward, dry leaves rustling under her foot, and Callum turned his head to her. He sat on a checker blanket, staring at the small makeshift fire that burned brightly enough to illuminate his face.
He gave her a tight smile as the vibrant red and orange of the flames reflected on his skin. She didn’t say anything as she made her way over and sat on the blanket next to him. She crossed her legs as she appreciated the warmth from the fire. Peyton didn’t look at him. Instead, she took in her surroundings. This moment resembled the night she’d lost her virginity to him. The stars were brighter now than before, but there was no fog. Last time, they hadn’t had a fire—they’d had lanterns.
The memories played heavy on her heart and Peyton shook her head to rid them. That had been the last time that he’d held her before he’d broken her heart.
“I’m sorry about this morning, Peyton,” Callum quietly said.