The kitchen, the table. Mother.
This is where she was a few times, I remember it well but I don’t know what brought her here. Maybe it was him. I never thought about it back then, but as my eyes open wider, anger seeps in. Did he hurt her like he hurt me?
My muscles coil, and I try to sit up.
It only lasts a moment and then the pain in my throat makes me wince again.
Shit. It’s only when I lift my hand to my throat that I realize the pain is only located there. It's no longer focused on my stomach in the least.
“I had to intubate you,” my father says from the dark corner of the room. My heart thuds hard in my chest as he slowly stands and walks into the light of the room.
“Stupid fucking boy,” he mutters and stands next to me. So close I can smell the dirt and whiskey that waft from him every day.
I try to swallow, but it only makes my dry throat hurt even worse. A sickness and hollowness threaten me. I can’t even kill myself. I’m that pathetic.
I need to find another way then. Something fast.
“You need to knock this shit off,” my father says as though he heard my thoughts. My heart stutters as I slowly raise my eyes to his. I don’t dare speak though.
He looks tired up here with the morning light casting shadows down his face. He rubs his beard and clucks his tongue once before lowering his head to mine.
I instinctively back away as he says in a low voice, a roughness from his throat making his threat sound even more terrifying, “Don’t make this harder on yourself than it has to be, you hear?”
Like the coward I am, I nod. My blood rushing and fueled by fear.
“I have something for you,” he says as he backs away slowly. One step and then another, giving me space, but I don’t trust it. “Sit up,” he tells me. My body’s stiff and my muscles sore. It hurts, it physically hurts to stay still, but I’m done with this.
Just let me die.
“Sit up!” my father screams, pounding his fists so close to my legs and rattling the table. My body jolts as I stare at his face, bright red as he spits, “Sit the fuck up!”
He grips my shoulders with a bruising force and rips me up so quickly my ass lifts off the table and for a moment I think he’ll throw me off. Maybe into the old walnut cupboards. But he doesn’t. Thump, thump, thump, my heart races, but I push down the fear.
There’s nothing he can do to me anymore.
There’s nothing left to take.
My shoulders shake uncontrollably, making me feel even weaker as he looks me in the eyes and reaches into his back pocket. It’s a wrinkled polaroid picture, and I can’t help how my eyes dart to it and then to his face. I wait, still as stone and cold as one too as he flicks it with his fingers, not showing me fully and teasing me with it.
I don’t know what it could be. Really anything, I suppose. Whatever it is, it’s a threat and it won’t work. There’s nothing more threatening than simply living at this point.
He flicks it again and the thwack of the paper just annoys me. My teeth grind together as I slowly turn away from him. It doesn’t matter. Whatever he has to threaten me with, I don’t care. It’ll all be over soon.
My throat seems to clench, painfully scraping as I take in a sharp breath. The sight of my father’s hand so close to my face prepares me for the inevitable blow. But it doesn’t come. It’s only when he takes a step away that I finally look down at my lap. The photo is face down against my worn dirtied jeans and I almost don’t pick it up.
Almost. But the curiosity is too strong.
I flip it over, prepared for the worst, but my forehead scrunches when I realize what it is.
It’s just a girl. Huddled into a small ball, her t-shirt and jeans are dirty like she’s been dragged through the mud. Her sneakers are still on her as well. It takes a moment for me to understand what I’m seeing, but when I do, my heart stops beating right. She’s in my room. That cement floor is the same floor I was just sleeping on.
She’s in the punishment room.
“Get her out,” I say and the words are pushed through my lips the second they reach me as a thought. I will my tired body to move, but my father’s quicker than I am. So fast that the back-hand smacks against my cheek and mouth, splitting my lip open and flinging my head backward. My body flails as I attempt to stay on the raised metal table, but my fingers slip along the smooth metal and I fall. I stumble down on the ground, my side hitting the knob of a cupboard on the way down and my elbow landing hard on the linoleum floor.
I suck in a breath between clenched teeth, but remain still on the floor. Not daring to move from my awkward position. Another lesson my father has taught me well.
My heart races in my chest, feeling as though it’s trying to get away. Trying to go to her. But I stay still.
I need to listen. “Don’t hurt her,” I say the words in a hoarse voice but it’s nothing but a plea. A pathetic plea that will fall on deaf ears. “Please,” I add weakly and hang my head.
I don’t want her hurt. No one should ever go into that room. It’s a place for nightmares and monsters. Maybe my father should be locked away in that cell. But not her.
I chance a peek up at my father, watching as he nods slightly and then runs his fingers over his jawline. His knuckles are split from striking me and the knowledge makes me smile slightly. But I hide it. The tip of my tongue runs along the cut on my lip as I look down and away, trying to remember every detail of the girl on the floor.
“Is she okay?” I dare to ask him.
“Fine,” he says gruffly, stopping in his tracks and walking toward me. He has to shove the table to the side in the narrow kitchen to bend down close to me. Again his scent drifts toward me, and this time it’s stronger. So strong I nearly vomit, but I hold it back.
“She’s going to be good. I already know that,” he says and I can feel his eyes on me. Waiting for a reaction and my response.
Whatever I do, I need to save her from this fate. I take a steadying breath, making sure I don’t react in the least. I just need to get to her.
“Do you want to see her?” my father asks. “I got her for you.”
Finally, my eyes reach his and my chest rises with a disbelieving breath.
“All you have to do is listen. And she’s yours.” I watch as the smile slowly stretches across his face as he adds, “Listen to me and she stays safe.”
Chapter 3
I want to get closer to her, but I stay right where I am.
I can see she’s breathing, and that’s what matters right now.
Listen to me and she stays safe. My father’s words echo in my head repeatedly as I wait for her to awaken. I was desperate to get in here. I needed to see her to protect her, but with every second that passes… I start to hate her.
I was so ready to give in. So ready to end all this shit. And now, because of her, my fate is worse than it’s ever been.