“Yeah. I’ll be right there.”
I couldn’t look at Manning. My face burned just thinking of them out there alone doing things you could only whisper—now, later, the rest of the week. One minute, I swore he and I had some unearthly connection. And then there were moments like this one, where I questioned how well I really knew him.
He leaned his elbows onto his knees and spoke for my ears only. “We’re just going outside for a cigarette. That’s all.”
“You said you weren’t going to smoke at all.”
“No, I said I’d figure it out.” He cleared his throat. “You know how hard it is to go all day without one cigarette?”
“Would you quit if I asked you to?”
He blinked slowly, as if seeing me for the first time. “What?”
“If I asked you to quit, would you?”
“Why?”
“It’s not healthy.”
“I don’t do it in front of you.”
My mouth fell open. “Yes you do.”
“When? Name one time.”
I thought back to the day I’d met him and the night of the fair and the time I’d gone looking for him on the site. He’d held cigarettes, put them behind his ear, even stuck them in his lips. But he’d never lit one, or if he had, he’d put it out as soon as I’d gotten near. It hadn’t occurred to me that was on purpose. I could recall the smell of smoke being near him, though. I could almost taste the bitterness on his mouth.
“You can’t think of one because it didn’t happen,” he said.
I opened my eyes, not realizing I’d closed them. My mouth was watering. “You’re right. But I’m not asking you to quit for me. It’s because I care about you. I care enough that I want you to stop hurting yourself.”
I’d never seen him look speechless. Quiet? Yes. Stoic? Definitely. But not speechless. “I will quit. One day. Soon.” He swallowed. “I’m down to two or three a day.” It wasn’t good enough, so I didn’t respond. “But if you want me to . . . I’ll try harder.”
I wanted him to not go outside with Tiffany. Truthfully, I’d come to like the smell of cigarettes because it reminded me of him, and I’d cherish the coarse taste on his tongue, the stink, if it meant one kiss, but more than that, I’d spent my youth learning about how cigarettes turned your lungs black and killed you over time. I didn’t want that for him. “Try harder,” I said.
He gave me a funny look. I hadn’t said it rudely, but who was I to tell a grown man how to live?
“All right,” he said. “I will.”
Tiffany waved at us from the doorway.
“She’s waiting for you,” I said, turning away in my seat.
“Who?”
“Tiffany.”
“Oh.” He didn’t get up right away. “I’ll be back. Stay here.”
Whatever. I always did what I was told, whether it came from my parents, teachers, Tiffany, or, now, Manning. And where had that gotten me? Here, watching him walk away with her. “Why should I?” I asked.
“Because I don’t want you walking around in the woods by yourself at night. That’s reasonable, isn’t it?” He didn’t wait for my answer, just stood and left.
What if I did walk alone through the woods at night? Would he put me in counselor time-out? He had no real power over me. Why should I listen to anything I said when he was outside with my sister?
“Are you all right?”
I looked up at Corbin, who towered over me. “Yes. I mean, no. I’m tired.”
“Long day, huh? Can I walk you back to your cabin?”
Manning had told me to stay put. I knew it was because he cared, but in that moment, I questioned what that even meant. I stood. “That would be nice.”
Corbin held the door open for me, and we passed into the night. As soon as we left the glow of the cafeteria, darkness was all around us. “Man, I love it here,” Corbin said as we crossed through the woods. “So peaceful. I would’ve done the counselor thing, but I start baseball camp this week.”
“Are you really on the all-star team?”
“Yep. I’m applying for scholarships, actually.”
“Really? Where?”
“My dad wants me to go somewhere in California, like Stanford, but I’ve always wanted to move east.”
I stopped to gape at him. “You’re kidding. You’re such a California guy.”
He laughed. “I know. It’s weird. But I love that the East Coast has history and that the city’s like the center of the world. I want to do big things, Lake. Be someone. That’s what New York’s about.”
“What about surfing? Skating? All that stuff?”
“You can surf in New York. There’s this place called Montauk. It’s bad-ass, or so I’ve heard. Haven’t been yet.”
We started walking again, his knuckles brushing mine. “What about you? I know you’re a year under me, but have you started thinking about college?”
“I’m going to USC.”
He chuckled. “Just like that, huh?”
Just like that. Easy. Wasn’t it? I hadn’t really considered there might be other options. It’d only ever been ’SC. “Would you stay in California if your dad asked?”