Dr. Quarani gave a small smile. “Habit. Sorry, Annie. It’s been very helpful for my clinical trial—your mother responded well to the drug. Her lucidity periods have increased. But the disease...it’s tenacious. I cannot guarantee we will hold it back.”
“I know. I know that. But really, I never even thought I’d have this.” Her mother had called her by name when she’d arrived. She seemed to think it was 2003 and Tony Blair was still prime minister, but it was progress.
The bathroom door opened and Annie’s mother came out, with her coat on and handbag clasped. “Thank you very much, Doctor,” she said formally. Apparently she no longer thought he was Omar Sharif, so that was something, too.
“It’s my pleasure, Mrs. Clarke. I wish you good luck in your new home.”
With his help they’d found a nice place in Kent, with green gardens and a knitting club and other people under sixty who’d been robbed of their memories. They’d lost time, too, in a different way to Polly. And that might be Annie, too—she hadn’t taken the test for the Alzheimer’s gene yet, and wasn’t sure she ever would. She hoped she wouldn’t need the spur of a deadline to live the rest of her days to the full. Even if she only had twenty-odd years of good time left, that would be enough to do all the things she’d always wanted. See Machu Picchu in Peru. Visit the lost gardens in Cornwall. Even another baby one day—but she was afraid to hope for that. And there wasn’t exactly a potential dad in sight. “I’m sorry for what happened,” she said. “That last night with Polly, roping you in like that. I know it wasn’t right. But thank you for it—it meant so much to her, even to pretend.”
He shrugged, embarrassed. “She was very beautiful. That, I can say. Like...lightning in a bottle, or something lovely and brief, that cannot be held in your hand. But I cannot be involved with patients, Annie. This is a rule for a reason. And I cannot—I do not have space in me for anything like that. It’s not possible, not yet. But perhaps it’s time I joined the world again, just a little.”
“Really?”
“I don’t know.” She saw his eyes were resting on the picture of his sister and her children. “I don’t know if I can, Annie. There is still so much to worry about, to fight for. You know, when I first came here, I could not settle at all. All these people, living in such safety and with such wealth, and yet they still complain and criticize and ask for more more more. I just felt angry that they did not know how lucky they were. Meanwhile my family lives every day with bombs falling from the sky.”
Annie nodded guiltily. She’d been one of those, she knew.
“But now...now I have some friends.” He said it so shyly. “Maybe I can start to think about making my home here. Maybe I can stop running quite so fast.”
And that, she knew, was more than half the battle. “I hope so. Come on, Mum, we better get going.”
Her mother’s eyes seemed to snap and focus. “Are you the nurse, dear?”
“It’s me, Mum. Annie.”
“Who?”
“Mum, it’s me. You knew me two seconds ago!” It was too much. The frustration. Nothing good lasted, even for a minute. “Why can’t you try, Mum? Please just try to remember? Just try. Please!”
Her mother’s lip was trembling. “There’s no need to shout. Who are you? What is this place?”
Annie felt a hand on her shoulder. Dr. Quarani, gently warning her. Her eyes brimmed. “She knew me. She knew me and now she—”
“It will always be like this, Annie. Like the sun. Coming, then going. At least you had a moment.”
Annie nodded, wiping her hands over her face. “Thank you, Doctor. Thanks for helping. I hope we’ll see you again very soon.”
He raised a hand in farewell. “Be well, Annie.”
As she guided her confused mother out to find a taxi, she looked for Jonny at the bus stop, but he was nowhere to be seen. The little square of ground he’d sat on was quickly fading to the same color as everything else, as if he’d never been there, either. It wasn’t right, Annie thought, how quickly the world moved on, forgot about you. Even someone like Polly would soon be left behind, with no trace of her remaining.
DAY 95
Go to a party
Annie hovered outside on the pavement, the huge gift-wrapped present slipping in her hands. She could imagine Polly urging her on. Just go in. What have you got to lose?
Luckily, the door opened as she stood there. Miriam was wearing a party hat and an adult Elsa from Frozen costume. “Saw you from the window. You coming in or what?”
“Um, I was thinking about it.”
“We’ve got cake. And costumes. And fairy wings.”
“Cake is good.” Cautiously, Annie began to move toward the door. The memories of this same day two years ago were flooding her. Running out to her car, screaming in Mike’s face, driving off without him.
Miriam put an arm around her. “Hey, it’s okay. Today’s another day, yeah?”
“Mummy, Mummy, can I have my cake now?” Behind Miriam, a small girl was dressed as a mini Elsa, a large badge with the number three on it pinned to her chest.
Annie’s heart contracted: she was so beautiful. Huge dark eyes, red ribbon threaded through her hair. A little girl she might never have known, never have seen again, if it wasn’t for Polly’s interference. She bent down, still clutching on to the overlarge present. “Hi, Jasmine. I’m Annie. Happy birthday, sweetheart.”
DAY 96
Join a club
“Hi,” said Annie. “Is this, um, are you the gardeners?”
Stupid question. Why else would a group of people be gathered around a patch of waste ground behind a bus shelter, leaning on spades and pulling up weeds?
A woman with a baby in a sling said, “We sure are. Come to join us? I’m Kate and this is Finn.”
Annie looked at the little face peeping out, and realized it didn’t hurt as much as it used to. She could smile at a baby now without always seeing Jacob, his small body on that terrible morning, his skin already cold. It would never leave her, not really, and she didn’t want it to. But at least she could function again. “I’m Annie. What can I do?”
“You could help Geoff pull up those weeds over there, maybe.”
Geoff was an older man in a Rolling Stones T-shirt and white beard. He took off his soil-covered glove to shake her hand. “Welcome, Annie. Know your way around a trowel, do you?”
“I think so.” She put down her mat and knelt, feeling the give of the earth beneath her. This patch of ground didn’t look like much now—sprouting with cow parsley and nettles, filled with broken bottles and no doubt worse—but with a bit of work she knew they could make it flower again.
DAY 97
Take a step forward
“Hey, Annie!”
She turned, puzzled to see a man coming toward her on the high street. He was clean-shaven, with short dark hair, and she wouldn’t have known him except for the blue coat. She’d no idea he was so tall standing up. “Jonny? Is that you?”
“It’s me.” He laughed at her face. “I just had a wash and shave, is all.”
“Wow! You got into a shelter?”
“For now.” He pulled a face. “It’s not easy, as you know. I got a shower at least.”
“I’m so pleased. I wondered where you’d gone.”