Something Like Happy

“Well, you are.”

“Sorry. But it’s just the facts.”

They sat in silence for a while. Annie wiped her hands over her eyes, willing the tears to stay in. “That’s terrible. He must be so worried.”

“It’s how life is there. Don’t tell Polly, okay? She’d only blab to the whole hospital or try to organize some kind of rescue mission. He just wants to do his job.”

Annie saw that one light was still burning in the living room. “We should go in. Thank you for driving me.”

“That’s okay. Will you maybe think about contacting them sometime? Once things have settled a bit?”

“Maybe,” she muttered. She couldn’t imagine that things ever would settle. “Let’s just go in, okay? I’m tired. You must be, too.”

Inside, the warmth hit them like a wall. Polly was curled up on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, with her ski hat on her head. Buster slept in the crook of her arm, snuffling away. It must have been thirty degrees in the room, and she was still cold. Not a good sign. Her blue eyelids fluttered as they came in. “Oh, there you are. Good trip?”

“Didn’t exactly go to plan,” Annie said stiffly.

“Why not? The weather? Thought you’d be fine with your famous snooow tirrrres.” She put a cod Scottish accent on the words.

“Annie’s had some bad news,” Dr. Max said, closing the door. “Maybe you shouldn’t—”

“What’s happened now?” Polly yawned. She actually yawned. What did that mean, what’s happened now? Did she mean Annie was always finding problems, reasons to be sad?

“My dad’s dead,” she said stiffly. “He died two years ago.”

“Oh, God! Annie, I’m so sorry. That sucks.”

“Yeah. I’ve also got a half sister I never even knew about.” She heard her voice tremble. “She’s fifteen.”

Polly beamed. “But that’s awesome! A sister! I bet you’re glad I did all that digging now. And there you were all grouchy with me.”

Annie’s hands clenched. “Polly, you shouldn’t have done it. It was up to me to look, if I ever wanted to.”

“You wouldn’t have. You were too scared to shake things up. She wouldn’t, would she?” Polly appealed to Dr. Max, who was shutting the curtains and putting the fireguard on.

“Leave me out of this,” he said shortly.

“So what if I was?” said Annie. “It’s up to me. You can’t control every aspect of my life. You can’t just decide when it’s time for me to meet my dad, or find out I have a sister. What am I supposed to do with that? My dad’s gone, and she had him all her life. I had him for, like, a day and I don’t even remember. How am I meant to deal with that?” Polly rolled her eyes. Annie felt icy rage pour into her veins. “What?”

“Oh, Annie. You’re so determined to feel miserable. You were sad you had no family left, and here I’ve found you a sister and you aren’t even grateful.”

“You haven’t found me anything! You’re not God, Polly! You don’t get to push us all around!”

“Annie, keep it down,” Dr. Max said reasonably. “Everyone’s in bed.”

She turned on him. “You agree with me! You know she’s always interfering. You were the one who said she was unstable.” Annie was quivering all over. Polly was just staring at her, unmoved. She heard herself say, “I’m leaving. First thing tomorrow.”

“We’re all leaving tomorrow. Don’t be so dramatic, Annie!” Polly drawled.

“I’m leaving without you. I’ll get the train.”

“Fine. If you want to make me do the journey by myself, when I’m ill.”

“You’ve got your brother, and your neurologist, who incidentally is taking time off from saving lives to hang about in Scotland with you. Because everything always has to be about you.”

Finally, Polly snapped. “Is that so much to ask for?” Her eyes blazed. “I got three months, Annie. That was all. One hundred days, to do everything I ever wanted. This cancer, it’s taken so much away from me. My hair. My dignity. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and no one will look at me except to see if I might be dying soon or stick needles in me. I have nothing, and you begrudge me a few days of attention? Jesus, Annie. I thought we were friends.”

Annie gulped. She wasn’t going to let Polly play any more cancer cards. “Friends don’t push each other around like...like...a puppet on a string.”

Polly laughed. A hard and unfriendly sound. “You’re mixing your metaphors, Annie. And where would you be if I hadn’t pushed you? Stuck in that job you hated, miserable, hating every day? Feeling sorry for yourself, wasting your life? You’ve no idea how lucky you are! I just helped you along.”

“What do you mean?” Annie frowned. But as soon as she said it she realized she knew. The link to the YouTube video. Jeff never went on YouTube; he was far too dedicated to the job. What were the odds he’d just stumbled across it? Someone must have sent it. “You didn’t. Polly! Did you get me fired?”

Polly shrugged. “Someone needed to. You were going mad in that place. I just gave you a little boost.”

“You got me fired! How could you? You—you...you’re unbelievable. You’re the most selfish person on the planet.”

“Good,” said Polly. “I want to be. At least that way people might remember me when I’m gone.”

She felt Dr. Max’s hand on her arm. Not the way she would have liked him to touch her—gentle, loving—but warning. “I think you should stop this now. Go to bed, both of you.”

Polly snarled, “Don’t think I don’t notice you two making eyes at each other. I bet you’re delighted—me dying’s worked out great for you. Fall in love over my dead body, why don’t you. It’s not fair. Everyone else will get to go on with their lives and I’ll be gone, dead and gone!”

“No one’s in love,” Dr. Max said coldly. “You’re acting like children. Both of you. Now go to bed and we’ll sort this out tomorrow.”

“I won’t be here tomorrow,” Annie said, making her own voice cold, too. “Like I said, I’m going. I have a life to get back to and a job to find. Thanks to her.”





DAY 59

Travel

“Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay to this service, which is due to, er, cows on the track.”

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