“Seventeen,” she answers matter-of-factly.
I nod. She was young and obviously incapable of caring for a child. No wonder her mother intervened and I was given up for adoption. “What about my father? Who is he?”
Her eyes go dead for a few seconds before she stares off into space. I don’t think she’s going to answer. And then she does. “His name was Dan. I met him at school. He called me pretty. He was my boyfriend.”
“Where is he now? Do you know?” I have a feeling asking this question is a long shot, and to be honest I don’t care, hearing Hope’s story is enough.
She shrugs. “Don’t know. He had to move away after I told him I was pregnant. His mama needed him.” She doesn’t seem sad, more nostalgic. Like she’s thinking of someone she hasn’t thought about in a very long time.
“How did you know, Hope? That I was your baby? You only saw me for a few minutes, and that was twenty-two years ago.”
She squeezes my hand. “Remember what Seamus said this morning about meeting his babies for the first time and them imprinting on his soul?” She shrugs. “It’s true. I knew when you knocked on my door that first time and gave me a pineapple, who you were.”
I’m stunned and in awe, searching Hope’s face in a whole new light. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You have a family. You’re theirs. I didn’t think it was allowed like Mama said.” She truly believes it.
I hug her. “It’s allowed. And they’re not my family anymore.”
She pulls back from the hug and looks surprised. “They’re not?”
I shake my head. “No. You are.”
I’m gifted with one of Hope’s rare smiles and for the first time in twenty-two years, I feel complete. Satisfied. I know many would be skeptical, question it, dig deeper. But in my heart, the search is over and this part of my research is done. I found my mom. Or she found me.
When we return to the waiting room, it’s empty. The nurse tells us Kai has been moved to a room on the telemetry floor.
I peer in from the hall, with Hope by my side, and see everyone clustered around Kai’s bed. Seamus sees me and waves both of us in.
I apologize quietly for disturbing their family time. Kai is sleeping. He’s hooked up to various machines and monitors, and an IV drip is administering painkillers. My entire being aches for this little boy.
Seamus is rubbing my back as he takes in my expression. “He’ll make a full recovery. He just needs some time,” he whispers in my ear. I hear the lack of worry in his voice, and I know it’s true.
Still, I can’t take my eyes off him lying in the bed, so helpless. “Thank God,” I whisper back.
“Everything okay with Hope? You were gone a long time.” It’s still his soothing whisper in my ear.
I turn my head, look him in the eye, and the overwhelming realization that I just got my miracle hits me. It hits me so hard it fills my eyes and takes away my words. I nod instead.
He puts his arm around me and kisses the side of my head. “Good.”
I look back at Kai. “We’d better get going, Seamus, so you can take care of Kai.” And then back to Seamus. “I’m glad they moved him to this room, that’s a good sign.”
Seamus walks out of the room with Hope and me. Hope keeps walking toward the elevator where she stops and waits for me.
When I look up at Seamus, his eyes are fixed on mine. He’s looking at me like there are a thousand and one things he wants to say. He starts with, “Can I hug you?”
I wrap my arms around him and for a solid minute, our bodies talk. There are apologies. And questions. And answers. And promises.
When we release each other, he smiles. It’s tired, but it’s mine. “Please tell me you felt that?”
I nod. I did.
He inhales deeply and lets it all out, smile still in place. “Good. Because, holy shit, I’ve missed you.”
I want to kiss him so badly, but it’s so inappropriate given the time and place.
“Would you want to…I don’t know…maybe after Kai is released and things get back to normal, we could…” He stops talking, covers his eyes with his hand, and laughs. “Jesus Christ, I suck at this. It’s been a long time since I tried to ask someone out.”
That giddy feeling rises in me, the one I’ve only ever felt when I’m around Seamus, and it makes my smile impossible to hide. “Yes. Please.”
He bookends my cheeks with his hands and kisses me softly, just a peck, but I feel it all the way down to my toes. And then he rests his forehead against mine. “Thank you.”
“I’ll have to give you my home phone number, I don’t have a cell.”
“Good idea.”
We walk to the information desk and trade phone numbers. “Just leave a message on the answering machine. It’s kind of a community phone set up where I live, but it works. I’ll get the message.”
He nods. “Sounds good. I’ll talk to you soon. Thanks for coming to check on Kai. And me.”
I nod.
And I leave the hospital with my mom.
And a grateful heart that’s bursting with love.
Sometimes, it isn’t that hard
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