Jesus Christ. Now I’m staring at the text again feeling like an asshole for the miscommunication and mix-up. And I’m also zeroing in on the words you fucking her and thinking quite literally what exactly that means. I’ve never let myself go down this road…fantasizing about Faith. Because Faith is my friend. And because I don’t know how old Faith is, but I know she’s too young for me. And because Faith is beautiful. And because Faith is healthy and energetic. And because Faith deserves more than I could give her.
But now, sitting on these stairs, I close my eyes and let myself go there. Her naked. Me naked. In my bed. God, she’s gorgeous lying beneath me. Her breasts are full and heavy with the weight of desire, cupped in my hands. Her skin so soft to the touch. Our kisses’ intensity and passion matched by the pace we’re keeping. I’m buried inside her, she’s tight, and her hips are meeting each thrust of mine. It’s the rhythm of two partners pleasing each other and themselves at the same time. Sex like I’ve never known it. My name escapes on a sexy moan between kisses. Fuck. It’s coming…coming…coming.
Shit.
I’m about to come.
In my fucking shorts.
On the steps in front of my apartment.
And I didn’t even touch myself.
Shit.
It’s been too damn long since I’ve been with a woman if a vivid, mental fantasy can bring me this close to the finish.
I was going to walk down and try to talk to Faith, but maybe this is a sign that I just need to go inside and give us some space. An embarrassing sign.
The unwelcome invader invites new obsessions
past
I dive even deeper into work with Seamus’s diagnosis. He makes no changes to his routine and accepts whatever his body dishes out. He struggles, trying to act like nothing’s different. He cares for the boys. He works. I let him.
Honestly, I try to ignore it. Deny it away.
But I can’t.
It’s there in our home like an unwelcome invader. It’s warped our image, warped the fa?ade.
In turn, I throw myself at Loren. Making up any excuse to get away to Seattle and spend time with him.
“Mr. Buckingham will see you now,” Loren’s busty assistant says as she rises from her chair and moves to escort me to his office.
“I know the way,” I say, efficiently stopping her advancement and putting her in her place as subordinate.
Loren’s on the phone when I enter his office and lock the door behind me. He smiles appreciatively, carnal excitement sparking in his eyes, as he watches me undress before him. His conversation, all business related, continues though he picks up the receiver, eliminating the speaker phone as an auditory witness to our explicit activities.
He mutes the conference call, to say hello and give me a peck on the cheek while I unzip his pants. Our sexual encounters have taken a bold turn. Seduction has become my new obsession and I’ve mastered it. I can entice him into a quickie anywhere these days.
“Carry on,” I say with a sexy smirk as I return him to his call, releasing the mute button.
He stiffens in his chair when I wrap my lips around him, but it’s only minutes before the phone is on mute again and he has me bent over his desk. Quick and dirty, just the way he likes it. And without a condom, just the way I like it.
I’ve stopped taking my pills. I have a new plan. I’m determined to have his child, determined to make him love me. Getting pregnant nabbed me a husband once. I’d bet money it works again.
I don’t want the fa?ade, it’s broken and no longer appealing. I want Loren and his empire; it’s my destiny.
And I always get what I want.
Flypaper
present
“Seamus, would you mind coming to the office?” It’s Janet, the school secretary. She’s called my desk phone, and she sounds nervous.
“Sure. I’ll be right down.”
I walk as fast as my legs and cane allow, and when I step through the door of the school office, I’m met with a consolatory smile from Janet and a loud voice, which matches the stranger’s, who’s standing at her desk, demeanor. “Seamus McIntyre?”
I’m confused.
But I’m not.
Flashbacks of being served divorce papers, standing in this exact spot, not so long ago spring to my mind. I feel hot and sticky, like flypaper attracting bad news.
“Sign for this, please.” It’s too loud. Why can’t he speak quietly? Everyone in the office is staring at me now. Janet looks like she wants to put up a shield around us and deflect the attention.
I sign, and the first thing I notice is the return address on the manila envelope. I recognize it as Miranda’s lawyer.
The other shoe just dropped.
And it felt like an atomic blast.
She’s done it.
She’s pursuing full custody.
That bitch.
I’m the punchline
past
I’m pregnant!
Hallelujah!
It’s Loren’s.
I have obligatory sex with Seamus once a month, but never when I’m ovulating. Hell yes, I keep track of that shit. That’s when I visit Loren and make sure he fills me to capacity with baby-making potential.
I deliver the pregnancy news to Loren delicately.