Tearing myself away, I drew a deep breath. My entire body was throbbing with need. Finley chewed on her lower lip, struggling with something internally. But what, I didn’t know. Her desire for me as a woman desires a man? Or was she interested in something more? Some deep, messy entanglement that I’d always sworn I didn’t need. But the mere idea of something more … something real nipped at me, tearing tiny holes in my armor. Coming home to baby squeals and goodnight stories and a woman who was so strong, yet so soft. …
No, I couldn’t let myself go there. I was only coming here to care for my best friend's family, to set right what I'd done wrong. She wasn’t meant to be mine. They weren’t meant to be mine.
But that didn’t stop me from picturing it. From wanting it so badly it fucking hurt.
I tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Not like this.”
She gave a tiny nod.
“Lock up behind me, okay?”
“I will.”
“And call if you need anything.”
“I will,” she echoed, her voice whisper soft.
“Night, baby.”
“Night.”
It was all wrong. But I couldn't stop myself from thinking that maybe, just maybe...this was a start.
I'd driven halfway home before I realized that I'd called her baby.
Chapter Six
Finley
“You want to take her where?” I crossed my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes. This was not what I'd expected to hear when I opened my door first thing in the morning.
Grey shrugged. He had brought a tiny pink fishing pole as a gift for Maple. “What's wrong with catfishing?”
“Just making sure I heard you right. A toddler, fishing? Are you out of your mind? Hooks and deep water and...”
“Hickory Lake is just a small, shallow neighborhood pond. It's meant for little kids. And this thing doesn't even take a hook, only a plastic bobber.” He reached out to rest his hand on my shoulder. “Trust me, Fin. I'll watch her like a hawk. I'd sooner die than let anything happen to her.”
Trying to ignore the warmth of his touch, I studied his face closely. But I couldn't find a trace of insincerity in his expression—only a pure, fatherly fondness. He was dead serious about protecting Maple.
“Ay-son!” Maple toddled over to him at top speed and glued herself to his leg.
“Why, good morning, sweetheart.” He bent down to greet her. She grabbed his proffered pinky, staring up at him with a wide, gummy grin.
Jesus, this level of adorable ought to be illegal. Why did he have to be so sweet with her? Just because Maple thought Grey walked on water didn't mean I should turn into a gooey puddle. No amount of corny Hallmark moments could change the fact that my husband was dead. It should be Marcus standing here, holding Maple's tiny hand, giving her presents and taking her out on daddy-daughter dates.
Even knowing all that, though, Grey's gentle smile still calmed my heart...and touched off a spark in my belly. And that kiss from last night didn't help. I shook off the sexy mental images just as Grey looked up again.
“So how about it?” he asked, eyebrows raised slightly in encouragement. “I'm betting you haven't had a real day off in a while.” He handed me a gift card for a local spa. “Go get a massage or whatever it is women like to do.”
Maple switched her pleading gaze to me. Her huge green eyes were a weapon of mass cuteness and she knew it. And a day at the spa sounded like heaven.
I melted immediately. “Okay,” I said before I could think better of it. “I do need something...” My job forced me to keep up with leg and bikini waxes, but my hair was getting too long, and my feet were dying for some TLC after dancing in high heels every damn night.
I showed Grey how to attach the child seat into his car, then drove downtown to Roxy's Locks and booked a haircut and deluxe pedicure. I sank into the padded salon chair. As the wispy attendant fluttered and fussed over me, I started to relax. The constant mental refrain of work and worries, time and money, gradually faded away. But in the resulting quiet, I could hear all the questions I'd been avoiding. Life was so busy, so full of moment-by-moment demands, that it had been easy to keep my mind off the big picture. I had taken that excuse gratefully. Now, however, I was all alone with my thoughts—and they always found their way back to Grey.
I closed my eyes, tears threatening. I wondered what on earth Marcus would think of all this. Would he judge me and think this was totally wrong? Or would he be happy that a man he loved and trusted was taking care of us?
I'd been so scared to even consider a future with another man. I'd thought it would feel like a betrayal. Either he wouldn't measure up to Marcus...or he would, and I'd feel traitorous, tricked by my own heart into breaking our wedding vows. But I'd come to realize that nothing I did could ever damage our marriage. Death had done us part—those days with Marcus were far behind me. And though I would never, could never forget a single moment, I wondered if my heart did have room for more. I needed reason to smile again. Maybe Grey and Marcus didn't sully or overshadow each other. They represented totally different parts of my life. And dear God, I wanted to actually enjoy my life again.
I said a silent prayer begging Marcus to understand.
Please.
Please help me see what I’m supposed to do.
“Miss?” The pedicurist asked, bringing me back to reality. “Is this the color you wanted?” She held up a bottle of baby pink polish.