Slouch Witch (The Lazy Girl's Guide to Magic, #1)

By the time we finally left with the hapless Marsh in tow, his house was swarming with witches. I had to resist the temptation to point out gleefully to Winter that I’d been right about the smell; the poor Arcane Branch pair who’d been tasked with sorting through Marsh’s rubbish had already found the remnants of a kebab and some half-eaten chips smothered in now-rancid curry sauce.

I was sitting with our charge in the back of the Order van as he was driven back to headquarters. There was a peculiar odour in the air; I’d have said it was Marsh but the only things he smelled of were stale chilli sauce, alcohol and sour sweat. Nobody said a word during the journey. It wasn’t until we ended up in a small room in the Arcane Branch building that it seemed appropriate to speak.

We took our seats opposite a pale and sweating Marsh who was now dressed in a paper jumpsuit. ‘Do you know,’ I said to Winter, ‘this is the first time I’ve been here? I’ve been working for you for weeks and I’ve never stepped into this building.’

Winter look at me strangely. ‘It’s only been a few days. It’s hardly been weeks.’

‘It feels like weeks.’

He rolled his eyes.

Oscar Marsh paid us very little attention. I cleared my throat and leant forward. ‘Oscar,’ I said. ‘Have you been here before?’

The question didn’t seem to register initially. ‘Wh – what?’

‘Have you been to Arcane Branch before?’

‘Uh,’ he scratched his head as if trying to remember. ‘Yeah, a few times.’

‘Why don’t you tell us about them?’ I prodded. If Marsh had priors, I wanted to know about them. Given the luck we’d had so far in procuring any files, I didn’t rate our chances of finding out the information from the Order itself.

‘Uh,’ he said again. It appeared to be a favourite word of his. ‘There was that time I fell into the lake.’

I shot Winter a confused look. He nodded. ‘Do you mean the duck pond round the back of Geomancy?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Marsh said. ‘No ducks, though. Just lots of green stuff.’

I sat back in my chair. ‘That seems a bit unfair, getting questioned by Arcane Branch simply for a little stumble.’

Marsh’s nose twitched. ‘I turned the water into vodka. I was trying to drink it when I fell in.’

I raised my eyebrows. No wonder there weren’t any ducks around. I didn’t think paddling around in a lake of alcohol would be the favourite pastime of a bird – although it didn’t sound all that bad to me. ‘You don’t like wine?’ I asked.

‘Huh?’

‘Never mind.’ I kept my eyes on him. ‘When else?’

He twitched again. ‘When else what?’

Either the man had the memory of a goldfish or he was good at avoiding answering questions. ‘When else did you visit Arcane Branch?’

‘There was the time I lost the building specs for Windsor Castle,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what all the fuss was about. They turned up.’

Intrigued, I drummed my fingers against the table top. ‘Where were they?’

He shrugged. ‘In a drawer. I’d forgotten I’d put them there.’

‘A drawer where?’ Winter asked.

‘At home.’

Winter sat up even straighter than normal. ‘You took important documents home with you and lost them?’

‘It was only the one time,’ Marsh grumbled. He rubbed at his face. ‘Is this going to take long? I really don’t feel very well at all. I think I might be sick.’

Winter picked up a small bin. ‘Here you go,’ he said without a trace of a smile. ‘Be sick into this.’

Marsh took the bin and hugged it to his chest. I really hoped he held onto the contents of his stomach; I rarely did well with other people’s vomit.

‘So,’ Winter said, all but rubbing his palms together. ‘You have experience of taking documents which don’t belong to you. Why don’t you tell us what you did with Volume 9?’

‘Volume 9?’ Marsh whispered. ‘You mean of the Cypher Manuscripts? You mentioned that before.’

‘Yes.’ Winter folded his arms. ‘I did. Where is it? We know you’ve burnt at least one page. Where is the rest?’

Marsh swallowed. ‘I don’t know anything about it. I’ve never been near the Cypher Manuscripts. I’ve never even looked at them in the library.’

Winter scratched a note to himself; it should be easy to check whether Marsh was telling the truth or not.

The witch continued. ‘I wouldn’t take them. I wouldn’t even know how to take them. Aren’t they warded?’

Winter’s lip curled. ‘Usually, yes.’ His jaw tightened. ‘But you found a way round that, didn’t you? You circumvented the systems, almost killing Ms Wilde and me in the process. What is it you’re really after, Marsh? Is it power? You might as well tell us. The Manuscript will do you no good in prison.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’ve never touched it! I told you!’

‘Then why did we find clear evidence that you had in your home?’

‘I don’t know!’

Winter exhaled then abruptly changed tack, softening his voice. ‘What happened with Adeptus Diall? Did he threaten you? Is that why you killed him? We know it wasn’t premeditated, Oscar. Was it self-defence? We can help you if it was. We understand that Diall could be difficult.’

‘Diall’s a prick,’ Marsh grunted. Then he paused and looked up. ‘He’s dead?’ He snorted. ‘Good riddance.’

There was a knock at the door and we all jumped, even Winter. He got to his feet and opened it. There was a low murmur before he beckoned me. ‘You should hear this too, Ivy.’

I stood up. ‘Don’t go anywhere,’ I told Marsh.

He glared and rattled the chain linking his ankles together. ‘Unlikely.’

I padded over to Winter. He nudged me into the corridor and closed the door. A fresh-faced woman was standing there. ‘We’ve had the preliminary reports, Adeptus,’ she said. ‘The fragment you found is definitely from the Cyphers. We need to double check but it looks like one of the earlier pages.’

That was something; the further on you went in each Volume, the more power and magic there was. Maybe Marsh had only read the first section or two. He certainly didn’t seem to have much power or authority right now – unless he was waiting for the right moment to use the magic against us.

‘Thanks. And the rest?’

‘Adeptus Leith has been in touch. There’s very little they can decipher from Philosophus Marsh’s home. He has some effective wards in place that prevent us from casting a spell to see what he’s been up to.’

Winter nodded, unsurprised. I, on the other hand, felt differently. ‘But if he’s a Philosophus, then he’s First Level. You’ve said that only Second Level witches know how to put those kinds of wards in place.’

‘He stole an entire volume of the Cypher Manuscript, Ivy, and almost drowned us both in a sewer,’ Winter said. ‘I think we can safely assume that he has magical abilities beyond his supposed level.’

I thought of the man on the other side of the door with his bloodshot eyes and broken veins on his cheeks and nose. He didn’t strike me as someone with fabulous magical abilities but Winter was supposed to be the expert. All the same, it niggled me. This didn’t feel right.