I thought about dramatically stomping out and slamming the door. But, even as worked up as I was, I wasn’t going to wake Sloane’s kids like that. That was like a whole other level of meanness.
And yeah, that was dramatic. None of this was about my sisters, in reality. It was about James and the show and my feeling like my life was a volcano that wouldn’t quit erupting. I knew they weren’t reveling in my disgrace. Although I wondered if maybe they weren’t a tiny bit happy that I had finally gotten what was coming to me. Because I had, hadn’t I? I always thought in the back of my mind that it had all gone too well for me. The life I wanted had fallen into place a little too easily. It had to blow up sometime, didn’t it?
It had blown up badly. And I didn’t have the courage to face it head-on. Instead, I had run away to my mom’s house, had kidnapped my daughter, of all things, and hadn’t even had the nerve to tell my cheating husband that we were moving, she was finishing the school year here, and that was on him.
Mom appeared in the doorway and whispered, “They meant well.”
“We really were trying to help,” Sloane said.
“And?”
Emerson grimaced. The look on her face said it all. It was as bad in real life as it was in my head. “But we absolutely were not reveling in your sadness,” she said. “We were trying to protect you in some weird way.”
I nodded. “I know that. I need someone to yell at, and I’m not ready to yell at James quite yet. So I yelled at you instead.”
“You can yell at me anytime,” Sloane said, squeezing my hand.
“Not me,” Emmy said. “Get it together.”
We all laughed.
“Do you ever wish you could do it all differently?” I asked. “I mean, do you ever wish that you could rewind and take so many things back and add so many others in their place? I keep replaying it.” I paused. “I mean, obviously, I wouldn’t take back meeting James, because then I wouldn’t have Vivi.” I looked down at my stomach. “And this little one. But I question every move I’ve ever made.”
Everyone was silent. Emerson and Sloane didn’t say anything, but we all looked at Mom. And you didn’t have to know her as well as we did to realize that she was thinking about all the things she would change if she could.
THIRTEEN
the high priestess of teak stain
ansley
It was a hallowed morning in Peachtree Bluff. Peachtree High had just won the football game against its major rival. And that could only mean one thing: A parade!
Peachtree has a parade for every occasion. Every occasion. Of course, there are the usuals: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Fourth of July. We also celebrate Arbor Day, Biker Week, Teacher Appreciation Day, every mayor in history’s inauguration anniversary, Pirate Invasion. (Yes, pirates invade. And they camp out in authentic pirate-era tents and eat food off fires and drink grog.) Oh, and Dr. Seuss’s birthday—that one is actually my favorite. Anyway, you get the idea.
After the parade, every dock owner in town has to have fireworks on his or her dock. I am terrified of fireworks, so Hal sees to it that my dock is appropriately lit—in more ways than one, I can assure you.
And today we would get to do all of that. I knew the kids were going to love the parade, and I was excited for the opportunity to show off my family. The entire town attends every parade, of course. You would think it was mandatory, considering how many of us show up. As I looked in the mirror, applying my mascara, I briefly wondered if Jack would be there. But I pushed the thought away. It was one of many, many thoughts about Jack I had pushed away ever since that night on his boat.
“Good morning, good morning,” I sang as I walked down the steps. It was certainly nice to have this house filled with little voices and even smaller feet. So sure, there were wet towels on the floors and toothpaste stuck to the sinks and diapers filling the garbage and crumbs everywhere. But it was wonderful all the same. Taylor and Adam were chasing each other around the kitchen island, giggling. I couldn’t wait to watch their towheads get even whiter in the summer, just like Emerson’s hair had. Emerson was throwing a bunch of inedible-looking plants into the blender. I was glad to see that she was blending whole foods this morning, not extracting their juice. This was progress, sadly.
Caroline was texting, brow furrowed.
“Where’s Vivi?” I asked.
“Sleeping.” Caroline smiled, but I could tell it was fake.
“Don’t torture yourself.”
“Oh, I’m not.” She looked back down. “Well, I mean, I am. But I’m torturing myself because I have to do my hospital tour.”
Caroline was a bit of a germophobe. Maybe not a bit. More like someone should medicate that child. I was hoping that her midwife would calm her. I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire but figured giving her something else to think about would help.
“Have you given any thought to whether James will be there for the delivery?”
She scrunched her nose. “I may not have told him that Vivi’s going to school here yet.”
My eyes widened. I couldn’t imagine that she still hadn’t told him. But my job here was to keep my daughter as calm as possible. “Well, darling, I am sure he will understand.”
He most definitely would not understand.
“All right, crew,” I said. “I’m heading down to the store. If anyone needs anything, holler. Or send a carrier pigeon.” I don’t know why I thought that was funny, but I laughed. No one else did. Just like old times.
Sloane hugged me. “Thanks so much for letting us stay, Mom.”
I patted her back, wondering if Caroline was going to mention that she was spreading cream cheese on a bagel.
As I turned to walk out the front door, I heard Caroline say, “Oh, my gosh. That’s so funny. I had forgotten that people even ate gluten.”
Yup. There it was.
As my feet hit the sidewalk, I looked back and forth between the rolling water on the right and the white clapboard homes on the left. As I was beginning to feel calm and free and meditative, my phone rang. I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t going to answer it. But it was Scott. And he never called. We were rarely in the same time zone.
“Scott!” I said.
“Ans!” he said back.
Every time I heard his voice, I wished I talked to him more.
“Where in the world are you?”
“Well,” he said, “I’m actually hopping on a plane to Florida.”
“Oh, please go see Mom,” I said. I waved to a couple of people on the street.
“That’s what I’m doing,” he said. “I haven’t seen her in a few weeks, so I thought I’d go check things out.” He paused, and my stomach sank. “Do you think she’s doing OK?” he asked.