I nodded, and even though tiredness pulled at my body, I knew that the second I closed my eyes, I’d see the horror.
Laney hesitated, then leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.
“It’s going to be okay.”
I didn’t believe her.
I sat on the couch with my head in my hands for a long time.
Ash
IF THE NIGHT before had been awkward, the morning was worse.
The prick walked around the apartment like he owned it, completely ignoring my existence. I was half expecting him to piss on the walls to mark his territory.
He was built like a wrestler, but the muscles had turned soft and a gut hung over his pajama pants. Thick hair spread up from his chest to his shoulders and down to his stomach. The guy wasn’t a friend of hot wax. Not that I cared one way or another: waxing was just part of the job because it showed off the pecs and abs. A lot of us did armpits, as well, because Paso outfits with armpit hair is kind of off-putting for an audience.
When Laney walked out of her bedroom, I had a hard time not smiling. She looked so cute in her Minions pajamas, mussed hair and sleepy face.
But she looked tired, too, and I wondered if she hadn’t slept well. She gave short answers to all Collin’s questions, and as he directed every remark to her alone, it was a stilted conversation. No one talked to me, except for Laney’s mumbled ‘Morning’. I sat in silence, mentally compiling a list of words to describe Collin. The list was alphabetical: I’d started with ‘asshole’, but was stuck on ‘q’. There was no letter ‘q’ in my language.
Eventually, Collin left for work. That surprised me. If Laney had been my girlfriend, I’d have gone to the police station with her, just so I could hold her hand while she made a statement. The prick really was clueless. Now what the hell came after ‘prick’?
As soon as the front door slammed shut, Laney glared at me.
“Stop it!”
“I didn’t say anything!” I protested.
“I can hear you thinking!”
I held back the smile that was threatening to turn into a full laugh, leaned forward on the couch and raised my eyebrows.
“What am I thinking?”
Laney frowned and tugged her robe tighter.
“Collin cares about me,” she stated firmly. “He’s just trying to give me space.”
I didn’t reply. Getting into an argument with Laney was not on my list of priorities.
I closed my eyes, wondering what sort of fucked-up today would be. I ran a hand over my beard, scratching at my chin.
“Did you want to shave that off?” Laney asked. “I have disposable razors if you do.”
Some good news. And I loved how intuitive she was.
“Thank you. It’s starting to drive me crazy.”
“Okay, well why don’t you go do that now, because then I’m planning to spend at least an hour soaking in the tub.”
“I could scrub your back,” I said, only half-joking. “To thank you for taking care of mine.”
“Hmm, very noble of you,” Laney smiled, but I think I can manage. “Go. Shower!”
I smirked at her and sauntered into the bathroom. Teasing Laney was my new favorite hobby.
I showered, enjoying the hot water, despite the sharp stings all over my back and ass. Then I shaved off the stubble before dressing in another of the long-sleeve shirts that Laney had bought me. I wished like hell I could fast-forward 24 hours. Anxiety was beginning to wind cold spirals of fear through me, twisting my gut. What would happen this afternoon? What if the police didn’t believe me? It would be hard enough going through everything that had happened, but if they didn’t believe me after . . .
I scrunched my eyes shut, forcing myself to slow my breathing, then opened them and stared at my reflection, examining the smooth face that stared back blankly. The face other people said was handsome. I despised it.
I spat at the mirror, watching the gob of spittle slide down.
Laney tapped on the door.
“Ash! You’ve been forever and I’m bursting to pee! Hurry up!”
I took a deep breath, wiped the mirror clean and pushed the door open.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
Laney’s smile dropped when she saw me, so I guessed that I looked as bad as I felt.
“Are you okay?” Then she sighed. “Dumb question. I, um, I heard you in the middle of the night. Shouting. I was going to come, but by the time I’d got to the door, you were quiet again . . .”
“Sorry,” I repeated, pushing past her.
I hated being so fucking weak. I’d hoped that no one had heard me last night.
“Ash,” she said gently. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
“Haven’t I?”
My voice was bitter and I folded my arms across my chest, unable to look at her.
“No, you really don’t.”
I didn’t answer.
Laney stood there, anxiously twisting the edge of her robe in her hands.
“There’s something else I wanted to . . . you know you’re not being accused of anything, right? You’re not going to be arrested . . .”
I still didn’t reply. What could I say? Admit I was freaking out?
“But I thought you should have a lawyer with you.”