I say hey to Jimbo, not interrupting his blow job, and the other three Nationals including Chaps and the two patch holders who look like they could die from exhaustion. To most they probably look normal, but not much gets past me. “You got something for me?” I ask Roach, hoping like hell he don’t.
“Shit’s pretty quiet right now. I may need you down in Texas in a couple weeks, but there ain’t no hurry. I’m trying to figure out how we can handle some shit without getting someone hurt. I’m hoping we can calm the waters with another one percent club, without going to war. It’s our territory, and we don’t want ’em there, but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices for the greater good. I just want you to let ’em know where we stand. They went down there ’cause we let ’em, not for ’em to show their teeth. We all know whose is bigger.”
Roach gives me a toothless smile and I can’t help but smile back. Even when I was a kid, he always seemed to pull it out of me. It’s sad knowing that a man who has taken more lives than any infamous serial killer gave you the only warmth in your life. Until Saylor, of course.
“Just let me know,” I tell him, forcing thoughts of my dark days with Black from my mind. Not too long ago, he was one of the ones sitting on this slab in the back of a shitty bar getting high and calling shots.
“So, Saylor.” Roach doesn’t say any more, he waits for my reaction. When he sees me tense, he smiles. “Tell me about her. I never thought I’d live to see the day you let a woman into your life. I’m glad I did.”
The kindness in his eyes is the same I’d seen for years when he looked at me, but this time it’s a little softer. I guess Saylor has that effect on people.
“I’d rather not,” I tell him. I don’t like sharing shit with anyone. Roach is the closest brother I have, other than Shady.
“Jimbo, I hate to fuck up what you got going there, but I need a minute.” I look over to Jimbo, who mutters something under his breath but pulls the woman’s mouth off his cock and stands up. Not surprising me in the least, I find that it’s the pass-around I’ve had more than once. She doesn’t pay attention to me though; it’s all about rank to her, and Jimbo is higher than I am, therefore his dick is more important than mine. Thank fuck.
Her makeup is smeared all over her face. Her nose is red and raw from the amount of shit she has snorted, and her eyes are wet and bloodshot from taking Jimbo all the way to the back of her throat for so long. And she loves every fucking minute of it. He never lets go of her hair and I watch as she slides her hands between her legs, horny as hell at being treated like the dirty slut she is.
For the first time in my life, I find it repulsive. The other bitches are woke up, transforming them from innocent sleeping forms to ready-to-fuck prostitutes in a matter of seconds. I’m sure a train on both of them is already in the works.
When we are finally alone, I take a seat next to Roach, avoiding his eyes for as long as I can. When I finally look at them, they are expectant. “Tell me.”
I don’t tell Roach because he wants me to. I tell him because it would be disrespectful for me not to.
“I’ve seen her a few times over the past several years. Just in passing. She lives down in Jackson.” Roach nods in acknowledgment, but he wants more. Him and Saylor have a lot in common when it comes to me. They can get shit outta me when no one else can. “I think she might have had a nasty breakup or some shit. She begged me to take her with me. Said she wanted to get outta town. I felt sorry for her.”
For some reason, it makes me feel like shit not telling him the whole truth. I guess it’s written on my face too ’cause Roach raises his eyebrows, letting me know he thinks I’m full of shit. I sigh, shift in my seat, and figure fuck it.
I light a smoke, passing it to him, then light me another one before continuing. “There’s something about her.” I look out at the clear blue sky and feel myself getting lost in my own words. “It’s like she has known me forever. She don’t get pissed at me or bitchy. She’s not like any woman I’ve ever met. I feel like she is in my head, reading my thoughts, and even though I know what she sees is sometimes scary, she never runs from me and I never see judgment in her eyes. It’s almost like she’s some sort of angel, or some shit. I haven’t figured her out yet, but I’m trying. Each day I learn something new about her. And every time I do, I like her a little bit more.”
I sit there, staring at my boots, wondering why the fuck I’m even talking. Roach is silent and when I look over at him, his eyes are distant and for a minute, I think he’s dead. I’m just before calling his name and shaking him when he speaks.