Since She Went Away

“I’m not sure I understand it,” Ursula said.

“Try me. I bet you understand it better than you think.”

Ursula fixed Jenna with an impertinent stare, one intended to burn holes in Jenna’s flesh. The girl didn’t like to be challenged. Jenna knew she came by that honestly. Celia didn’t like to be pushed or challenged either. Queen bees don’t like to have the drones rise up against them. But Jenna had been in stare-downs with Celia. She didn’t always defer to her more polished friend. Jenna’s spine had plenty of steel, especially after the past few months. She could handle Ursula.

“It was some security stuff,” she said. “I guess Mr. Allen had employees he didn’t trust, and he wanted to keep an eye on them. Maybe it was even like blackmail. You know, get some dirt on the employees and then they wouldn’t act out or maybe they’d even get fired. I think William Rose was doing that.”

“Spying,” Jenna said, cutting to the chase.

“Right.”

“But Bobby doesn’t know why William Rose killed his dad?”

“Something went wrong. It usually does, especially if you’re dealing with lowlifes.” The girl sounded wise beyond her years. And she probably was.

“And that’s it?” Jenna asked.

“Could there be more?”

“Why do you want Jared to go on TV so much?” Jenna asked.

“Mom?”

Jenna looked over at Jared, and even in the dark she could read the look on his face. It said, Let it go. Let it rest.

“Can’t we discuss this at home? Just you and me?”

Jenna ignored him and waited for Ursula to reply.

The girl said, “Isn’t it obvious? He’s a new voice. He can plead for the safe return of his girlfriend. Don’t you want her to come back safely?”

“Of course,” Jenna said.

“I’d be happy to go on TV and talk about Mom. Do you remember I did it a few times when she first disappeared? I talked to Reena. I talked to a couple of other shows. I did whatever I thought would help.”

“I remember.”

It was one of the saddest spectacles of those first days, watching Ursula on the TV. She squinted against the lights, her eyes fixed on the camera. Her voice quavered as she spoke from a combination of nerves and grief. Jenna understood why Ian wouldn’t let her back on. It was the same reason she didn’t want to let Jared do it—why expose your kids to that? It was bad enough the adults had to publicly grieve.

“And I’m worried about Bobby,” Ursula said. “His dad was murdered. Even if I’m mad at him, he’s a good friend.” She looked down at the ground and kicked a small rock out of the way. When she spoke again, her voice was lower. “I have a lot of reasons.”

“Sure,” Jenna said.

“Don’t you want to go on?” Ursula asked, turning to Jared.

“I do,” he said, his voice low in the cold night.

“Look, Jenna, you just have to do the right thing here,” Ursula said. “You just do. It’s one of the best chances we have to find this guy. And we need to find this guy. We all benefit. We can learn what happened to Mom. And Natalie.” Ursula lifted her arms and then let them fall to her sides. “We have to.”

Her voice grew faint, disappearing into the traffic sounds and the soft whooshing of the wind through the naked trees. Ursula looked small, more like a child than a teenager. The wind lifted her hair, brushing it across her face.

Jenna closed the distance between them, reaching out as she came alongside Ursula. She’d known her since the day she was born. Had held her and changed her, babysat for her and bathed her. She placed her arm around Ursula’s back, felt the girl stiffen at her touch.

“This isn’t easy for any of us,” Jenna said. “Maybe you’re right. But I’m not crazy about any of us going on TV right now. Maybe we can reach out to a different reporter. I’m not getting burned by Reena.”

Ursula’s body remained stiff, as if infused with iron. But Jenna didn’t let her go.

“I just want it all to be over,” Ursula said. “You know? I just want it all to be over. I’m sick of this limbo life we’re all living.”

“I know,” Jenna said.

She felt the girl soften a little under her touch. Ursula didn’t give in and fully accept the hug, but she moved closer to Jenna, her body easing in.

“Your mom . . . she loves you very much,” Jenna said. “I’m sure you know that.”

Ursula closed her eyes. Jenna thought tears would come then, bursting out through the girl’s closed lids. But they didn’t. She kept that look on her face for a moment, and then slipped out of Jenna’s grasp.

“Do you want a ride?” Jenna asked. “I drove and it’s cold.”

“I’m meeting a friend.”

“Will you call me if you need anything?” Jenna asked. “You can. I hope you know that.”

Ursula stopped on her way to the side of the band shell, the place she’d emerged from minutes earlier.

“I need this to be over,” she said. “That’s all.”





CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE


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