‘I want you to leave,’ I said, reversing against the kitchen counter. Luke advanced upon me, the tang of his aftershave assailing my nostrils. His eyes were intense, carrying the flame of a long-buried anger.
‘Don’t be like that,’ he said, his icy-cold smile freezing me to the core. ‘I thought we could have a drink together. I just want to clear the air, take some responsibility for how things turned out between us.’
My chest tightened as my memory of our shared past re-emerged. I thought of our last meeting in the beach hut, when he had forced me across the table and threatened to hurt me if I didn’t back off. But it had not stopped me. Because of my actions, Luke had lost his job. But why now? After all these years, had he only just discovered it was me who was responsible for his dismissal? His excuse for wanting to patch things up almost seemed reasonable, had it not been for that cold glint in his eye. ‘You sent the sunflowers after Dad’s funeral too,’ I said, the words a whisper on my lips.
‘Of course. Aren’t you lucky, getting another bunch? Aren’t you going to put them in water?’ he said, looking me up and down. I wished I was wearing jeans and a jumper instead of the blouse and skirt I had chosen that morning.
I was glad of the excuse to turn my back on his gaze. I never thought I would hear Luke finally admit the truth, that a tiny piece of him enjoyed pulling my strings.
I swallowed to clear my throat, placing the vase of flowers on the side. ‘Life goes on,’ I said. ‘I just want to forget about it now.’ I watched his every move as he prowled around my kitchen, his eyes never leaving mine.
‘Do you remember little Sophie Smith? It was strange, how someone tipped off her parents about the night we arranged to meet,’ he said, tracing his finger over the backs of the chairs where Alex and I sat to eat. ‘Why would anyone be so vindictive?’
‘Things were different back then,’ I said. ‘As you said, it’s time to move on.’
‘It’s a good idea in theory.’ He smiled. ‘But then some of us find it easier than others. Got a good job, have you? A husband, a nice home. Seeing that photo in the paper of you at your father’s funeral really stirred things up for me. Made me wonder how far you’d come.’
My lips thinned as I failed to form a response. His mood was darkening and I was too scared I’d say the wrong thing. My eyes trailed to the knife block, but I tore them away as he caught my gaze.
‘Forget about the drinks. Why don’t we continue this conversation in the lounge?’ he said, swiping at my arm.
‘No.’ Squirming from his grip I made it to the back door. ‘If you won’t leave then I will.’
‘Fine, make a run for it,’ Luke said as I twisted the key to release the lock. ‘I’ll just wait here until your husband gets home. Alex, isn’t it? Perhaps he’ll give me a warmer welcome.’ His lips widened in a smile. ‘I’m sure he’d love to hear about your school days. Does he know what a little goer he’s married to? Gagging for it at the age of fifteen?’
‘I’ll deny everything. He won’t believe you,’ I said, standing with my back to the door.
But Luke was quick to respond, with a speech he no doubt had practised many times before. ‘He’ll believe the police,’ he said, advancing upon me. ‘I still have the copy of the harassment order against you. And then there’s that video footage of the time you broke into my room. Shameless, you were. What were you thinking when you were lying on my bed?’
He rested his hand on mine, forcing my fingers to lock the back door once again. His skin was icy cold and I shuddered beneath his touch.
‘I thought after I last saw you that I could let things lie. But we have a history, you and I,’ he said, coaxing this time. ‘Unfinished business.’
I cursed my inability to stand up to him. Suddenly he was the one calling the shots. ‘I . . .’ I broke off, desperately trying to find the courage to finish my sentence.
‘You want to put all that behind us? Is that what you’re trying to say?’ he interrupted, his face pressed close to mine. ‘You see I want to forgive you, but I just can’t move on. There’s an outstanding debt between us. I made a promise and I feel it only fair I carry it out.’ He turned his head, his eyes roaming around my recently inherited home. ‘I’ve not had things as easy as you. It’s hard to get a job without a decent reference to my name.’
‘What do you want?’ I asked. ‘Money? I’ve got a couple of hundred pounds I can give you, if you promise to leave me alone.’
A sly grin marred his features. ‘Now we both know it’s not money I’m after.’ Reaching behind me, he pulled the clip from my hair and just like before, allowed it to swing free. ‘This is what I want,’ he said, his hands cupping my shoulders. ‘You. Now. Once more, for old time’s sake. Then I’ll walk away from here and you won’t see me again.’
‘And if I don’t?’ I said, my heart thundering in my chest. I knew I should run away. Grab my phone and call for help. But my limbs felt like lead, my body frozen under his spell. I could not bear for him to tell Alex the sort of person I was. The sort of person that people walked away from. I couldn’t allow the past to infect my happy home. I caught sight of my laptop and my thoughts raced as I recalled what I had been researching just moments before. Sex with Luke would last just minutes, and there was no love involved. I had pinpointed my fertility cycle and knew I was ovulating today. I turned over the idea creeping into my head. Perhaps something good could be salvaged out of all this mess. It was not like I was being unfaithful. I loved my husband. A baby would make our marriage complete, and with Luke out of my life for good there would be nothing to threaten our happiness.
‘You want me, you always have,’ Luke said, nuzzling my neck as he began undoing the buttons of my blouse. ‘It was your jealousy that inflamed you, not concern for those other girls. We’ll keep it our little secret. Nobody else needs to know.’
I caught another whiff of his aftershave, the same scent he used all those years ago. It felt like I was back there, a teenager once more. I could not bear to become the subject of gossip all over again, for my words to be disbelieved. My legs were trembling as I tried to work out what to do. He pulled up my skirt, then asked me if it was what I wanted, just like before. I nodded. He smiled because deep down he thought it wasn’t true. But all I could think of was getting pregnant. I would not have given in for anything less.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
LUKE
2013
I thought I’d feel recompensed after my encounter with Emma, but the whole episode had been one big anti-climax. True, she had baulked when she’d seen me in her doorway, and bringing the sunflowers had been a nice touch, but as she fixed her clothes I had caught a look of triumph, as if she actually had wanted me to screw her after all. It had left a bitter taste in my mouth, and as I sat in my car outside her front door, my anger resurfaced. She was in there, thinking she had gotten one up on me. Perhaps she had, pretending to act frightened all along. Sex was not enough of a payback for everything she had put me through. Hell, maybe I had done the bitch a favour. Perhaps she wasn’t getting it from her husband any more.