She shook her head so quickly that she seemed almost manic. “No. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I…”
“It’s all right,” I said. “I know you didn’t know. He went to extreme lengths to hide this side of himself. I don’t blame you.” I reached out and took her hand.
“I should have seen it.” She wiped tears away with the back of her hand. “I should have known the signs. After things with my dad… I thought I’d recognise it if it ever happened again.”
“I keep thinking about one night when Aiden was, I don’t know, maybe two or three, and we stayed at your place for the night. Hugh took Aiden to bed, all wrapped up in his arms. I followed them up the stairs a few minutes later and watched him tuck Aiden into bed. He was singing this lullaby really softly. I remember thinking about what a good dad he’d make. I went into the bathroom and I cried for you both because you couldn’t have children and you so deserved them.” I shook my head. “I was so wrong. And I should have known that day when Aiden sang that little song to himself. It was the same song. I should have known. Instead, all these weeks I’ve been afraid of a ghost while my own husband…”
Josie touched my hand lightly. Tentatively. “They wore masks.”
Hugh had made Josie feel safe in the same way Jake had made me feel safe. They’d done it by hiding behind their masks. Why should either I or Josie feel guilty for that? Why should we feel weak? People who prey on the vulnerable aren’t strong—they’re cheaters. While the rest of us are working hard to keep our lives in control, these cheaters are taking our lives away from us. They steal and they lie because they can’t connect with people, they don’t know love, and they don’t know what it feels like to be loved.
I almost feel sorry for them. But not quite.
When Josie left I felt very hollow and empty, but she wasn’t part of Aiden’s story, and that was my priority until everything was over. Aiden had to come first.
The media had not let us out of its greedy fist just yet. The remarkable story of the baby born just hours after the discovery of the grisly body in the bunker was splashed all over the papers. We sold millions of copies for them. But I was fiercely protective of Aiden. I ignored every phone call and every offer that came my way. I kept my cool and I learned not to scream at the reporters.
After Josie left my hospital room, I got out of the bed and took Aiden’s hand. Gina was nestled in the crook of my free arm. We walked together through the wards to bright white room filled with six beds. Three on either side. It wasn’t visiting hours and I knew I shouldn’t really be there, but I didn’t care.
“Here she is. The miracle.” Rob was propped up with pillows, smiling at us, his eyes twinkling. The same eyes as Aiden.
“Do you want to hold her?” I asked.
He nodded. His head was still bandaged, and I could see by the way he moved that he was still in some pain, but I passed Gina across to him, making sure he cradled her head, which he did with great care.
“She looks like you,” he said. Then he smiled across at Aiden. “How you doing, buddy?”
Aiden fidgeted next to me, looking down at his feet. “Okay.”
Rob turned to me with tears in his eyes and I met his gaze while heat radiated through my chest and into my veins. I nodded and mouthed the words ‘he’s back’. Then I placed my hand on top of Rob’s and squeezed it. We remained like that for at least five minutes, none of us quite believing we were there, alive, and—mostly—in one piece.
*
After being discharged from the hospital I went back to Jake’s house because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. The first thing I did was take down every photograph, strip the beds, and throw his clothes into a bin bag. I would never take pleasure in his death, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be surrounded by his belongings.