“I don’t know why.”
“What I told you earlier was true. I asked Ramer what we were waiting on. All the Taliban dudes were there, and I was ready to go when command said make another loop. I did, and Salter came out, and command told Ramer to sparkle the target. Ramer adjusted the infrared marking laser. The speed was right, the range was right, my thumb was there, and then Salter steps back toward the shadows as if he’d forgotten something inside the house, and one of the Taliban dudes looks up. He fucking looks up. Salter also looked up, both he and the Taliban dude. They heard it coming. I’ve done a lot of research on Salter. Did I ever tell you that? I know all about his life.”
“Jeremy, I can’t do this, but don’t run.”
“Grale, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
A moment later I ended the call and pulled into an empty shopping mall lot, then stood outside breathing deep, trying to calm myself. I must have stood there forty minutes pushing grief back. I wanted the bombers. I wanted the vengeance of justice. I wanted back what was forever gone. The hard truth of that came with the dawn.
9
Dr. Latik, the orthopedic surgeon who had operated on Julia, held a small piece of twisted metal between his fingers.
“Let me show you what we’re dealing with.”
He put up an X-ray of the thoracic vertebrae near which the metal had lodged.
“It corkscrewed in.”
He handed the piece of metal to me.
“Rub your finger along the tip and feel the little hook. That’s how it dug into the bone.”
“What happens now?”
“Now we hope the surgery doesn’t cause new swelling and that the initial swelling has peaked. That can take up to seventy-two hours.” As if anticipating a question I might have had, he added, “We couldn’t delay the surgery, and we’re debating whether to chill her to impede swelling. We’ll decide on that this morning.”
Worst case was paralysis. Best case was the swelling subsides and Julia retains full movement and sensation. Melissa and Jim’s trust named me as executor. Separately, I became custodian of their children until adulthood.
In the post-op room, Julia looked at me through half-closed eyes. Other shrapnel fragments were pulled from the backs of her thighs. Her torn left ear was bandaged, and the surgeon who did the work said it wouldn’t look the same as the other ear, but it would be close. She did not yet know about her family, but that changed as I stood alongside her bed.
She asked in a faint voice, “Where’s Mom?”
I didn’t know how else to say it, and I’d already resolved never to treat her as less than an adult. Anyone who would be going through what was ahead for her was owed that.
“Your mother was killed.”
Her look was disbelief, but when I didn’t correct what I’d said, her face crumpled. It broke my heart when I saw she knew I was telling her the truth. But I also understood the reflexive denial that came next.
“That’s not true.”
I knew she didn’t remember anything beyond going into the back of Bar Alagara with another girl, so it was possible she didn’t believe me.
“A bomb exploded in the bar area when you were in the bathroom. You and another boy are the only survivors.”
Her voice rose. “My dad and Natty?”
I could only nod and take her hand.
“That can’t be.”
Her eyes brightened with tears then closed tight, and I wiped tears from mine. She brought her hands to her face and sobbed. Less than ten minutes later, she asked again what had happened. I took her through it very slowly, and her body wracked and shook. From deep in her throat came a low keening cry that drew a nurse. It was a very hard way to find out that you were an orphan. There was no other family on our side. On Jim’s, just his mother, who was in a retirement home with no short-term memory left, and beyond her, only very distant relatives.
I left Julia with the nurses, and in the early light I unlatched the garden gate of the house Jim and Melissa had bought fifteen years ago to raise the kids in. The squeaking hinges started the Kerns’ young black Lab, Coal, barking. I had their house key at home, but they kept one under a porcelain tortoise near the pool. When I opened the kitchen door, Coal jumped on me and then ran out to look for his family. I found the dog food. I cleaned the pee off the kitchen floor and was rinsing my hands when Venuti called.
“JTTF wants you on a call in twenty minutes. So does headquarters. Why aren’t you here?”
As in, why in the fuck aren’t you here?
“My niece just came out of surgery. I checked on her. I’ll be on the Joint Terrorism call.”
“Where are you?”
“At my sister’s house feeding the dog.”
There was a long pause before Venuti asked, “How did the surgery go?”
“Well, but she’s not out of the woods.”
“We’re all pulling for your niece. I want you to know that.”