The awful sensation corroding my insides was the same I felt every day I avoided telling Uncle Nathan that I’d become an Effigy. I would look in the mirror and wonder how I’d become so pathetic, or if I’d been like that from the beginning.
You’re so annoying! Just confront him, I ordered myself, but I kept walking. The thought of confronting Rhys over what he might have done sent a fresh surge of panic through me. Because knowing the truth meant consequences I wasn’t prepared for. Because I didn’t want to believe he could hurt a friend in cold blood. Because I was a coward.
And because of that other thing.
You don’t believe me . . . because of your crush? Pitiful. This body. This life. You don’t deserve it.
I could still remember the way she’d laughed at me. Natalya . . . She was probably watching everything right now, more determined than ever to take me over.
That is, if sending me into a tailspin of doubt wasn’t her plan all along.
“Oi, Maia.” Lake tugged my sleeve as we walked side by side down the hangar, past the agents loading weapons. “Something going on between you and Aidan?”
I stopped. “No. Why? Who told you? What are you even talking about?”
“Relax!” Lake laughed in surprise before lowering her voice. “Wow, try a little harder to act less guilty, yeah? Seriously, you guys have been weird since he came back.”
“What ‘you guys’?” I could feel my mouth drying. “There’s no ‘you guys.’ Since when has there been a ‘you guys’?” Luckily, Chae Rin was already off somewhere hounding some agents to lend her a firearm “for protective purposes.” Otherwise she’d have been picking apart my obvious insecurities like a barely healed scab.
Lake, on the other hand, only shrugged. “I dunno. A while ago you guys seemed to be getting along well.” I hated the way her grin spread across her face as she added, “Really well. Especially on his part. It always seemed to me like he was a bit taken with—”
“That’s not possible.” The heat rose up from my cheeks.
“Not possible?” Lake made a face as she adjusted the tight black bun at the top of her head. “What does that mean?”
I struggled to find the words. “I mean, that can’t happen.”
“Why not? Goodness, you need to have a bit more self-esteem, yeah? There’s nothing wrong with you.” She patted me on the shoulder. “You’re a bit neurotic and judgmental, but aren’t we all?” She paused. “Actually, no, it’s just you.”
Self-esteem was probably one reason. Even before my family died and my introversion went into hyperdrive, I’d found the comfort of my own room and a good gaming console more reliable and relaxing to be around than the opposite sex. The other reason was something I didn’t dare utter here, to anyone.
Not until I was sure of the truth about Rhys.
“I’m sorry. I’m not good with . . . romance feelings.” My stilted delivery made that pretty clear. I couldn’t blame Lake for laughing.
“Anyway, don’t worry about that stuff. If it happens, it happens.” And she gave me one last slap on the shoulder. “Nothing wrong with a little love on the battlefield, I always say. Plus, he’s really hot. Pretty face, banging bod.” She shrugged. “You could do worse.”
“Duly noted,” I mumbled, my toes curling in embarrassment as Chae Rin sauntered back to us, gunless.
“We’re four minutes out from the start of the mission,” Sibyl’s voice came from the overhead. “Everyone get to your stations.” She didn’t have to be physically present to order us around. Communications was too public for a mission that was only supposed to involve part of her fighting force; she’d set up her own operations base from her office instead.
“Oh dear. I’m getting a bit nervous.” For a few seconds, as Lake shifted uncomfortably on her feet, I could see the erratic rhythm of the rise and fall of her chest. Then suddenly, like a switch had been flipped, she snapped her head up. “Oh, by the way, Maia, speaking of Rhys—”
“We weren’t,” I said flatly.
“Since you two are in a bit of a rough spot, do you want me to help by getting him an invite to the TVCAs? I can ask my agent for tickets!”
Chae Rin laughed. “Of course you’d be worrying about some celebrity wankfest instead of the actual mission at hand. Why am I not surprised?”
“What?” Lake said as I distinctly heard Chae Rin mutter the word “airhead.” “I’m just trying to lighten the mood a bit, sorry. I know you’re all about blood, death, and destruction, but some of us aren’t.” Lake tried to keep her voice measured, but I knew it wouldn’t last. “Besides, this stuff is important too. We have other kinds of Sect duties, you know.”
“Other kinds of Sect duties! I’m dying!”
“Yes, other kinds of Sect duties!” Lake’s voice rose rapidly over the harsh dissonance of Chae Rin’s laughter. “Going to this awards show is our duty. Cheryl and Sibyl okayed it—hell, they want us putting ourselves out there.”
“Right, and this has nothing to do with your old girl group snagging their first number one. You really are completely, decidedly full of shit, Lake. I seriously—”
“I’m what? Say that again?”
It was never going to stop. It didn’t stop even as the two stalked off to their vans.
Just as they left my sight, Belle turned around the corner of a van, her hair plaited down her head in a French braid. “There you are. You’re with me,” she said. “Come, it’s time.”
Sucking in a breath, I followed.
? ? ?
One o’clock. In the dead of night, the delivery vans drove out of the underground hangars through a network that took us up to the surface. Only when we were clear of the facility’s reach did our silent procession break up as each van traveled down its prescribed route.
To the regular civilian passerby on the highway, our van would have looked almost too deceptively simple. But our boring, white moving cubicle skillfully hid from view the weapon cases strapped to the wall, the handheld blades and electromagnetic phantom-dispelling bombs tucked in the compartments beneath the black-cushioned benches.
And one of Saul’s rings. It was in a black safe specially fitted against the division separating the driver and passenger seats from the cargo unit we were sitting in. Another van followed a few car lengths behind. The only way inside our compartment was sealed shut with an electronically locked door that could only be opened with a code.
With sweaty palms, I sat rigidly on my bench next to Belle, who laid her head against the wall, eyes closed. On the opposite bench, Rhys stayed alert, watching the several blinking red lights on the center screen of the monitor as the vans separated down different paths. The van floor rocked beneath my boots while I listened to the sound of cars rushing by.
The left and right screens of the monitor acted like a surveillance system showing us different angles outside the van. But they didn’t show us every angle.
“Eveline, what do you see out there?” Rhys held a finger to his earpiece as the communication device picked up his voice.
“All clear so far.”
I could only hear her; she was on the other side of the division in the passenger seat with another agent, Lock, who drove us along the highway.