“Actually, I think you do.”
They sit silently, both of them with their arms crossed, studying the black television screen in front of them. Minutes pass, and he doesn’t know how much longer he can take it—the nervous, uncomfortable energy, the sense of being trapped. His car keys are in Tim’s left pocket. He noticed their faint outline when Vivi hung up his coat. All he needs are the keys and a few seconds to get away. He wonders if he should pretend to fall asleep or ask for a glass of water from the kitchen, but he knows Connie would see right through him.
“Should we turn on the TV?”
“The noise won’t help you sleep.”
“So we’re just going to sit here all night?”
“As long as we have to.” Connie knits his fingers over his stomach.
The silence doesn’t make Kyung tired. It simply feeds his frustration, expanding it like a balloon that can’t hold all the air being forced inside.
Connie must sense this because he turns to him a few minutes later, his expression softer than it was before. “Hey,” he says, seemingly hesitant about what he wants to say next. “It’s going to be all right, you know. It might not feel that way right now, but trust me, it will be.”
“How?” Kyung asks. “You were standing right there—you heard the whole thing.”
“You just have to give yourself some time—”
“Time for what? Time won’t change the fact that my father was hitting my mother again. That’s how all of this started, Connie. That’s why she and Marina aren’t here anymore. So what am I supposed to do? Just pretend like he’s not responsible for what happened?”
“I’m not saying you have to pretend anything. But you can’t run off half-cocked like you did earlier. Tomorrow, I want you to call Jin and tell him to pack up his stuff and move back to his place. And then you’re going to stay as far away from him as possible, understand? Let the police handle him from now on. You have a wife and child waiting at home, a life to get back to, so take my advice and don’t go looking for trouble, Kyung. You’ve had more than your fair share lately.”
Optimism isn’t a quality he associates with Connie. But it makes more sense to him now. Connie doesn’t know that Gillian threw him out. Part of him feels like this is her news to share, and she didn’t for a reason, but he’s also curious. Everything that Connie’s doing, everything he’s saying—would it change if he knew?
“Gillian and I aren’t together anymore. She asked me to leave yesterday, or maybe it was the day before.” He can’t remember when it actually happened. The days, the hours—they’ve all bled together.
“So why’d she finally do it?”
Finally, Kyung thinks. The word says it all. For five years, Connie has been waiting, quietly wishing their marriage would end, and now he doesn’t have to hide it anymore, not that he ever hid it well.
“What do you care? It’s not like you actually wanted us to stay together.”
Connie considers this for a moment. “Okay, I deserved that. I’ll admit it. Maybe at first I wasn’t so happy about you two getting together, but after the kid … I rooted for you.”
Kyung can’t think of a single time when anything like this occurred. His relationship with his in-laws had always been tepidly acknowledged, as if his connection to them were something to be tolerated or waited out.
“When did you ever root for me, Connie? You and Tim, you never liked me, never liked me for Gillian. You probably wanted her to marry some nice white guy, someone you could sit around and watch baseball and cop shows with. And don’t even bother trying to deny it—I saw the look on your face the first time she brought me here. It was so obvious. You were like, ‘Who the hell is this Asian guy?’”
Connie lowers his head, covering his eyes. “You think that’s why I didn’t like you for Gilly? Because you’re not white?” It almost sounds like he’s laughing, but when he looks up, his skin is furious and red. “Jesus, you’re the dumbest smart person I’ve ever met. I don’t care what color you are. You could have been black, for all it mattered. I didn’t want you dating my daughter, because of that goddamn chip on your shoulder. You think a father can’t see that kind of thing from a mile away? I knew—not even five minutes after meeting you—that nothing was ever going to make you happy. Not a nice girl on your arm, not a kid or a house or a fancy job. All the things that other people want in life, they were never going to be good enough. That’s why I didn’t want Gilly getting involved with you.”