She's Not There

“Told me what?”


“About my arrest for driving under the influence, my court-ordered community service?”

“You were arrested for drunk driving?”

“You can add it to my list of failings. She really hasn’t told you?”

“Not a word.”

“Guess she’s too ashamed.”

“Maybe she didn’t think it was her place to tell me.”

“Maybe.”

“Will you?”

“Will I what?”

“Tell me what happened?”

Once again, Caroline found herself holding her breath. Michelle had never confided in her about any of the details of that night. While she knew the facts of her daughter’s arrest, and the fine print of the deal Hunter had worked out with the assistant district attorney, Michelle had always refused to discuss exactly what had happened, and Caroline doubted she would agree to talk to Lili about it now. She braced herself for a barrage of expletives, hoping she’d have time to make it back to her own room undetected before Michelle pushed Lili—physically or metaphorically—out into the hall.

“It’s no big deal,” Michelle surprised her by saying. “I mean, it is a big deal, I guess. It’s just not much of a story.”

Both Caroline and Lili waited for her to continue.

“I went to a party at this older guy’s apartment. It wasn’t a great party because everyone was getting high on weed, which is kind of boring. You know how it is.”

“I don’t, actually.”

“You’re kidding me. You’ve never smoked weed?”

“Never smoked. Never drank. Never…”

“Had sex?”

“What’s that?” Lili asked with a laugh.

“You’re a virgin?”

“You sound surprised.”

“You’re seventeen.”

“I wasn’t even allowed to date until a year ago.”

“Wow.”

“Not that it mattered. We moved all the time. I was homeschooled. I didn’t know anyone. So who was I going to date? It wasn’t until my father died that my mother started relaxing her guard a little. She even let me dye the ends of my hair blue. And one day I was at the library and this guy kept looking at me, and I’m thinking that he’s kind of cute and I start looking back, trying to flirt, and he walks over to me, and I’m wondering if he’s gonna maybe ask me out, and instead he says I look just like these sketches on the Internet and…”

“…the rest is history.”

“Finish your story,” Lili directed.

“Well, like I said, there’s not much to tell. Everyone’s getting high on weed, and I don’t know, weed’s never been my thing, even though I smoke—I’m sure my mother told you that.”

“She didn’t have to.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can smell it on your clothes.”

“You can? Seriously? Shit.”

“So, what happened? At the party.”

“Well, this guy I know was there. Spencer. We’d gone out a few times. Well, no. We hadn’t actually gone out. We just had sex a couple of times.”

Caroline’s head dropped toward her chest. Dear God, she thought.

“Anyway, he said he knew where the host kept his wine. And next thing I know, the two of us are in the kitchen and we’ve polished off almost this whole bottle, and our host finds us and he’s beyond furious and he orders us out of the house. Apparently it was a really expensive wine his father had been saving for years. So we had to leave, and Spencer gets into his car, and I get into mine. Ten minutes later, the police pull me over and…”

“…the rest is history.”

“It’s not like I even drink that much,” Michelle continued. “It’s just that whenever I do, I mess up big-time.”

So maybe you shouldn’t drink, Caroline thought, half expecting to hear the words emerge from Lili’s mouth. But Lili said nothing. Obviously much smarter than I am, Caroline thought.

“Anyway, my drinking days are over. I’ve learned my lesson.”

Caroline allowed herself a small sigh of relief.

“Guess I’ll have to switch to weed after all.”

Fuck.

“And my father cut some deal with the assistant D.A., and that’s how I ended up working at the hospice. I told you it wasn’t very exciting. Or noble.”

“I still think it’s pretty amazing. I don’t think I could do it.”

“It’s really not that big a deal. People die, right? You kind of get used to it. Except sometimes. Like today.”

“What happened today?”

“We got this new resident. Kathy.”

“What makes her different?”

“She’s only twenty-nine. And she’s all alone. Her mother died when she was a kid and her father remarried and she never got along all that great with her stepmother. The whole Cinderella story except she ended up with ovarian cancer instead of a handsome prince. Probably won’t even make it till Christmas. It just got to me, the unfairness of it. I think that’s one of the reasons I went so ballistic when I came home and saw you guys decorating the tree.”

“I’m really sorry about that.”

“Stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault.”

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