She's Not There

“I have a key. It’s not exactly sneaking in when you have a key.”


“What were you doing there in the first place?”

Michelle shrugged and leaned her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes.

“Oh, no,” Caroline said. “Nobody gets to sleep around here until we get to the bottom of this. Now start at the beginning,” she instructed. “You went to a party at Chloe’s. You got drunk.”

“It’s not like I was plastered. I just had a few drinks.”

“You’re fifteen years old! You shouldn’t be drinking at all. Where were Chloe’s parents?”

“How do I know?”

“You told me they’d be home.”

“Yeah, well, I lied. Guess you should have checked.”

“I guess I should have. You can add it to the list of my failings.”

“Yeah, poor you.”

“Except this is not about me. It’s about you.”

“I know. I know. I’m a horrible daughter and a horrible person…”

“Nobody said you’re a horrible person or a horrible daughter.”

“You don’t have to say it. I can feel it. I feel it every damn day.”

Caroline stopped the car in the middle of the road and swung around in her seat to face Michelle. “What are you talking about?”

“You think I don’t know what a disappointment I am to you? God, no wonder I drink.”

“You’re saying it’s my fault you got drunk?”

“Of course it’s not your fault. Nothing’s ever your fault.”

From behind them, a car started honking. Caroline checked her rearview mirror. “Damn it. Where did he come from?”

“It’s downtown Saturday night, Mother. You’re not the only person on the road.”

Caroline threw the car back into drive and pulled to a stop at the curb, then shut off the engine.

“Really?” Michelle whined. “We’re doing this now?”

“We’re doing this now,” Caroline said, turning her daughter’s question into an answer.

“I don’t feel well. I just want to go home.”

“Then tell me what you were doing at your father’s.”

“Chloe’s party was boring, so a bunch of us decided to head over to Maxie’s.”

“Who’s Maxie?”

“Not who. What.” Michelle rolled her eyes, as if to say, Don’t you know anything? “It’s a club.” She waved her hand in its general direction. “A few blocks down.”

“How’d you get in? You’re fifteen.”

“I know how old I am. You don’t have to keep telling me.” This time she rolled not only her eyes but her whole head. “I have a fake I.D.”

“You have a fake I.D.?”

“Everybody does.”

“Not everybody does. I don’t.”

“Because you don’t need one,” Michelle said, as if this should be self-explanatory. “You’re old, for fuck’s sake.”

“Okay, that’s quite enough.”

“Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?”

Caroline said nothing. She turned her right hand palm up, as if giving Michelle the floor.

“We went to Maxie’s. We were dancing. It was hot. I started feeling kind of sick, so I left. Dad’s place was right around the corner, and I figured I could stay there tonight. I was planning to call you. So you wouldn’t worry,” she emphasized. “I have a key, like I told you. So I let myself in. I was tiptoeing down the hall, ’cause I didn’t want to wake him up in case he was sleeping, and that’s when I heard them.”

“You heard your father and this…this Diana person talking about their wedding.”

“Yeah. Well, not at first. At first I just heard them, you know…groaning and stuff.”

Shit, thought Caroline, trying not to remember the variety of noises Hunter used to make when they were having sex.

“Then Diana said something like, ‘Is it going to be this good once we’re married?’ and Daddy said, ‘Even better.’ And I think that may have been when I threw up.”

“You threw up?”

“That’s when they realized I was there.”

“You threw up?” Caroline repeated, fighting the urge to throw her arms around Michelle and smother her face with kisses.

“Dad freaked.”

“I’m sure he did.”

“He jumped out of bed and started running around the room like a crazy person. And Diana was screaming for him to put some clothes on, ’cause he obviously forgot he was naked. Anyway, that’s when he called you, told you to come and get me. Okay? Are you satisfied now?”

“Yes,” Caroline said, stifling a laugh before it could escape her throat. Very.

“Can we go home?”

“Is she really only twenty-one?”

“I think she’s closer to thirty. Can we please go home now?”

Caroline restarted the car’s engine. “I love you,” she said.



Michelle was still sleeping at noon the next day when Hunter phoned to talk about what had happened and to apologize for his behavior.

“I understand you’re getting married,” Caroline said.

A second’s silence, then, “I was going to tell you…”

“Have you set a date?”

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