She's Not There

“I think I’m having a breakdown,” another boy said, and the class laughed.

Except for Errol Cruz, who sat in the last seat of the last row, chewing on the end of his pencil and staring out the side window, looking even more lost than usual. A skinny, somewhat delicate-looking boy with deep blue eyes and acne-scarred skin, he never laughed at the smart-alecky remarks of the other students or offered up any of his own. He never volunteered anything in class, although whenever Caroline called on him, he always had the correct answer ready. Occasionally he lingered after class to discuss the day’s lesson or a challenging math problem he’d come across online. Or maybe he just hung around to delay going home. His father was said to be gruff and unpleasant, and neither parent had bothered showing up for the last set of parent-teacher interviews. According to his other instructors, Errol rarely completed his assignments and had almost no chance of making his year, which was a shame, because despite his failing grades, he showed a real aptitude for math. Maybe with a little more encouragement…

“It helps to begin each study session with a quick review of what you studied the day before,” she continued, stealing a glance at the clock on the wall. Michelle had a dentist appointment at four o’clock and Caroline had arranged to pick her up from school at three-thirty. This meant she had to leave as soon as the bell sounded in order to drive to Michelle’s tony private school in Mission Hills and get her over to their dentist, whose office was located on Washington Street, just east of Old Town, a fifteen-minute trip at the best of times, and likely twice that during rush hour. She had little time to waste. The school had been given strict instructions never to leave Michelle alone or unsupervised, but you could never be sure. “When you’re reviewing, make sure to carefully read over each step in the procedure and use a Magic Marker to highlight the main concepts and formulas. If it helps, draw a diagram to make the concept clearer.”

The bell rang. The class immediately began packing up belongings and filing out. “Goodbye, Ms. Shipley,” someone said. “Have a nice night,” said another.

“Thank you. You, too. Errol…,” she called as the boy was shuffling out of the room.

He stopped, standing motionless in the doorway, head down, eyes directed at the floor.

“Do you have a minute?” She stole another glance at the clock. She had little time to spare. Michelle would be waiting. She couldn’t be late.

The boy turned slowly back toward her, staring at a point just past her right ear, refusing to make eye contact. “Is there a problem, Ms. Shipley?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” She maneuvered her head into his line of vision. “I was watching you in class and I couldn’t help noticing…Is there something wrong, Errol? You seem a little…I don’t know…distracted.”

More distracted than usual, she added silently.

Blue eyes shifted to the floor. A long pause, a swaying from one foot to the other. “No. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Because you don’t seem fine,” Caroline insisted. “What is it, Errol? Please tell me. If there’s something you don’t understand…”

He said nothing, his hand brushing away some stray hairs that fell across his forehead. Caroline thought she saw the fading remnants of a bruise above his right eye, but when she tilted her head to get a better look, he quickly pushed his hair back into place.

“Is everything all right at home?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

“You can talk to me, Errol,” she said, hearing the clock ticking off the seconds on the wall behind her head. “You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“About anything. Not just math.” She glanced toward the door. If she didn’t leave in the next minute, she had no chance of getting Michelle to her dentist appointment by four o’clock.

“You have to be somewhere,” he said.

“No. That’s all right. I have plenty of time.”

“Nah, it’s okay.”

“Really. I have time.”

“It’s nothing. I’m good.”

“Are you sure?”

The boy was already shuffling out of the room. “Yeah. No problem.”

“Okay. Well, then, see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Ms. Shipley.”

“Goodbye, Errol.”

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