She's Not There

“Do you think Beth knew?”


“I don’t know,” Caroline told her honestly. “But I’m sure the FBI will want to talk to her again. At the very least, she might be able to tell us more about the men her husband was involved with.” She gathered their blankets around them. “Do you want to call her?”

“No.”

“It’s all right if you do.”

“I don’t want to speak to her ever again. I hate her.”

“No, you don’t. You love her. And that’s all right.”

“How can I love her when she lied to me for fifteen years?”

“Because you do,” Caroline said simply. “Because for fifteen years, she was the only mother you knew. Because she loved you and looked after you. And whatever else she did, however much she knew or didn’t know, I have to be grateful to her for that.”

Samantha burrowed in against Caroline’s side. “Maybe I’ll call her eventually. I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to decide anything tonight.”

“It’ll be strange, not spending Christmas with my brothers.”

“Well, maybe they can come visit one day.” Caroline looked up, saw Michelle standing in the doorway.

“Is this a private party?” Michelle asked.

“It certainly is,” Caroline said with a smile. “Only mothers and daughters allowed.”

Michelle approached the bed, a small paper bag in her hand. She offered it to Caroline.

“What’s this?”

“It’s for the tree. I bought it this morning. When I was out walking around. I tried to get a star or a giant snowflake, but all they had left were angels. Not that I believe in that stuff. It was just all they had.”

“It’s lovely,” Caroline said, taking the glittery, white plastic angel out of the bag and laying it on the night table beside the bed. “You can put it on the tree in the morning.” She turned off the TV, pulled back the covers, and beckoned Michelle in. “Come on. Sleep here tonight. There’s plenty of room.”

“Nah. That’s all right.”

“Please,” Caroline and Samantha said as one.

Michelle hesitated. But only for a moment. “All right. But I’m warning you,” she said, climbing into bed beside her mother, “I move around a lot.”

“You can dance, for all I care.”

“I just might do that.” Michelle reached over and turned off the bedside lamp, burrowing her backside into the concave curve of Caroline’s stomach.

“Good night, Micki,” Caroline said, kissing the top of her shoulder.

“Actually, I think I prefer ‘Michelle.’?”

“Good night, Michelle,” Samantha said without missing a beat.

“Good night, Samantha.”

Caroline smiled as Samantha’s hand wrapped around her waist. At some point, it would undoubtedly benefit all of them to seek family counseling, but she’d deal with that later. Right now she just wanted to enjoy the moment, lying in her bed, her daughters’ heartbeats bracketing her own. Tears filled her eyes and she stifled a sob.

“You’re not going to make the pillow all wet, are you?” Michelle said.

“I just might do that,” Caroline said, repeating Michelle’s words.

“All right, but try to keep the noise to a minimum. Okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“Good night, Mommy,” Michelle said.

“Good night, Mommy,” Samantha echoed.

Tears of gratitude ran freely down Caroline’s cheeks. “Good night, my beautiful, beautiful girls.”





You’d think I’d get tired of saying the same thing. But I don’t.

As always, a huge debt of gratitude to my great friends Larry Mirkin and Beverley Slopen, who read early drafts of all my manuscripts and offer their comments and insights, most of which make it into the final product in one way or another. I also want to thank my husband, Warren, and my daughter, Shannon, for their help in this regard. It’s never easy to accept criticism from one’s family, but either I’m getting mellower or they’re getting better at it. At any rate, I took their comments into account and this novel is the better for it. Thanks also to my wonderful agent, Tracy Fisher, with WME Entertainment, who has been a tireless and brilliant supporter, as well as a good and reliable critic, and to her former assistant James Munro and her current one, Alli Dyer, for all their hard work on my behalf. Then there’s my terrific editor, Linda Marrow, who is able to look at the material I submit and pinpoint the exact areas requiring special attention. Just as important, she’s able to tell me why. A nod also to Dana Isaacson for his careful attention to detail and suggested line edits, as well as to Elana Seplow-Jolley for her patience and hard work. And to Steve Messina, the production editor, for doing such a great job.

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