Then Telu shrugged and slapped a last piece of tape on the end of Nev’s bandages, making him wince and open his eyes. “We all knew it was going to happen anyway, hey? This is just a formality, the bit that everyone else sees—the rotten frosting on top of the scat-cake, if you know what I mean.”
I was about to tell her that she maybe wasn’t helping when Nev straightened from his perch on the dash. He smiled, though it wasn’t cheerful. It was the opposite of cheerful.
“I think Eton wants to bake me that cake,” he said. He stepped away without looking at me, heading off the bridge.
“Nah,” Eton said from where he sat with his back against the wall, his words lazy and swooping, a bit like how the Kaitan was trying to fly. “Not really, not anymore. Maybe. Anyway, you saved me…but let’s be honest”—his voice dropped—“you didn’t do it for me.”
Nev paused and met his stare. Something passed between them, and then they both glanced at me. I turned in my seat and looked fixedly back out the viewport, hiding my flush. Stars were nearly visible through the last of the atmosphere now.
“I’m pretty sure I saved you,” Telu grumbled, maybe to ease the tension, “by keeping the Air Guard busy with drones so they didn’t blow you to bits.” She hesitated. “Then again, you saved me while I was still on the ship hacking those drones. And Qole saved us before that by vaporizing an army. And Basra saved us all after that…I guess we all sort of saved each other, so stop taking all the credit, hey?”
I was an idiot. Because, in spite of everything we’d been through—in spite of my ship and my crew being practically held together by bandages, my brother unconscious on the bench behind me, our distance from our enemies not yet great enough to engage the Belarius Drive—my focus drifted as I pictured the look in Nev’s eyes. My heart started beating faster.
But then Nev left without a word, taking my childish hopes with him. I was doubly an idiot. Because not only was the young man who made my heart pound from a different world and a royal bloodline he could trace back before the Great Collapse, but I’d just helped him get exiled and disowned.
That didn’t keep my thoughts from churning as I brought us farther and farther from Luvos. Maybe I was triply an idiot, because I didn’t shut them down. But closing myself off hadn’t done me much good in the past. It might have hurt me, as much as unleashing myself without restraint had. Maybe I just needed to stay…open. To look for balance, not extremes.
Besides, my family was as old as Nev’s, if not as royal, and my history as rich. And if there was one aspect of all this I could look at in a positive light, it was that Nev wasn’t quite as royal anymore. Maybe we had somehow found a patch of common ground after we’d both ruined each other’s lives.
Eventually, the Air Guard starfighters and destroyers held back, giving us enough space to engage the drive, though not enough that they couldn’t try to torpedo us into particles if we didn’t deliver our end of the deal.
“Basra?” I said. It felt odd for a second, giving an order to someone who was apparently richer than the Great Unifier. But then, it was still just Basra. I’d have to get to know this other side of him later. “Do your thing. We’re ready.”
Without looking away from Arjan, he swiped a finger over one of the infopads. “Done,” he said.
I didn’t wait to verify. I punched the button for the drive and was relieved to find that at least one thing on the ship still worked right. The stars melted around us. In moments, the Kaitan had left Luvos light-years behind, along with the Dracortes.
All except for one.
After making sure Telu had set the proper coordinates, receiving Basra’s assurances that Arjan was stable for the time being, and helping Eton to his quarters to rest, I made my way alone into the hold. There, I found Nev.
His bandaged arms were braced on either side of a viewport, red already seeping through the white in some places. It would take some time, but they would heal. I didn’t know about the rest of him, though, as I watched him staring out at the weeping stars. As I knew from experience, losing your family was a hard thing to weather.
But I hadn’t lost all of my family. I’d gotten my brother back against impossible odds. The thought made my breath catch in my chest. I hadn’t let the relief crash over me yet. Arjan was alive. He was hurt, but those injuries—even his eye—didn’t weigh anything next to his life. I was nearly dizzy with joy simply to still have him. We’d deal with the rest later.
Meanwhile, Nev had lost more than he thought possible.
And yet, he’d chosen this, chosen us, even before he’d known he was exiled and disowned. Somehow, that made me able to reach out to him. I threaded my fingers through his, where they lay splayed on the wall. As he straightened in surprise, I took his hand in mine.
Nev blinked at me. And then, before I knew what was happening, he pulled me into him, his mouth hungry, his lips firm and warm against mine. I tilted my head back in breathless response, my arms wrapping around him. For one moment, neither Shadow, nor crew, nor family, nor anything else existed. Only us. This was the answer to the question he’d asked about what I wanted most for just myself—my hidden, desperate dream come to life, while all my cares and responsibilities faded away.
His chest rose and fell against my own. We were both breathing rapidly, and I was dizzier than ever. Maybe it was because of how tightly we were holding each other, as if something would try to tear us apart. His arms, for being injured, were quite strong.
In the end, it was that practical detail that made me pull away. “Your cuts…,” I said. And then I suddenly didn’t know what else to say.
I would have pulled away entirely, but he kept a firm hold of my hand. Our hands hung between us, linked, bridging the gap, and we both looked at them like we didn’t know what to do.
Still, neither of us let go.
“Where are we headed?” Nev asked.
“Alaxak. Are you okay with that?”
He nodded.
“You…you don’t have to stay, once we get there.” The words hurt to say, but I had to.
“I know,” he said, and I held my breath. “But I want to.”
I exhaled and said in a rush, “I don’t even know what we’ll do once we get there.”
He glanced up at me, smiling. “We’ll Shadow fish, I imagine. We all need to make a living, after all…even me, now.” He grimaced. “You don’t even have a net, never mind functioning thrusters. I was supposed to pay for the damages to your ship, but all my assets have likely been frozen. I took some money with me, though it’s nothing like what I had.”
“Frozen money for a frozen planet,” I said, unconcerned. “Basra told me that he managed to save some of what you had, somehow. He didn’t explain, and I didn’t ask, but it might be enough.”
I meant enough for him to live, to do whatever, without having to work on my ship or anywhere, but he said, “Well, then, at least I can pay off some of my debt.” His smile returned, but it was still pained. “I hope you’ll let me work off the rest.”