I thought that empty feeling would have diminished by now, but every time I think of what could have been with Emma, my chest cramps from a deep hollowness within.
While I had promised myself I was not going to ask Midge about Emma, I find myself almost obsessively curious about her right now. I’ve purposefully refrained from bringing her up to Midge over the course of the last few months as she has intimate knowledge about Emma and what she’s up to. While I refused to ask it didn’t mean that I wasn’t always secretly hoping Midge would drop me a little nugget of information that would appease my curiosity, but she never did. I think she was trying to make me suffer for the fact that I refused to reach out to Emma, particularly after she sent me that email telling me not to take the Phoenix deal. I didn’t know what to make of it, but ultimately… it didn’t matter. She clearly wasn’t moving past the “incident” because she didn’t say a damn word about it. Didn’t ask me how I was doing or if I was lonely, or tell me she missed me.
Her message was blunt and to the point, and totally nothing more than some legal advice, I’m sure.
So I moved on.
Sort of.
Not really.
“So how’s Emma doing?” I ask casually even though I swore to myself a million times today that I wouldn’t ask. I keep my gaze on my steak as I cut a piece.
She doesn’t answer me, and I’m forced to look up. She’s staring at me in amusement. “It’s about time you asked.”
I shrug like it doesn’t matter. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I was just making some conversation.”
“Sure you were,” she says with a chuckle. She doesn’t say anything else, and that totally grates on my nerves.
But because I’m a stubborn son of a bitch, and I’m not feeling up to amusing her further, I change the subject. “I’m thinking of selling my house and getting something a little smaller.”
“She’s in Asheville,” Midge says, finally answering my question, and that causes a jolt of surprise to spear through me.
“What?” I ask, completely forgetting about my totally fake plans to downsize just to make conversation.
“She moved to Asheville a few months ago,” she says nonchalantly. “Had me get her a job at an old law school buddy’s firm, doing mergers and acquisitions.”
I stare at Midge, slack jawed as that sinks in. I realize with brutal clarity I had some level of comfort being back in Raleigh, knowing Emma was just miles away from me if I ever got the nerve to go see her. But she’s clear across the state now, and that couldn’t be a clearer message to me.
Feels like I lost her all over again.
“Oh,” is all I can say. I put my fork and knife down on my plate and push it away, no longer feeling hungry.
“Totally a coward move,” Midge adds on. “And frankly, I thought she was a little conceited for doing so.”
“Pardon?” I ask, completely off kilter now from the frosty tone of Midge’s voice.
Midge leans across the table a bit and says in a low, judgmental voice. “It’s clear, Evan. She thought you would return and try to woo her back, and she knows how devastatingly charming you can be. So she made the decision to cut and run, and she’s probably betting you’ll come running after her. She wants to lead you on a merry chase across the state.”
I’m shaking my head. “She’s not like that.”
“Of course she is,” Midge scoffs. “Conceited and self-centered if you ask my opinion. I mean, you explained everything to her, and she didn’t even give you the courtesy of considering the truth. You’re probably better off to be rid of her.”
One of my eyebrows slowly rises upward and I give Midge a sardonic smile. “Really? You’re taking that tack with me?”
She grins slyly across the table. “Is it working?”
“No, Midge,” I tell her truthfully. “You can’t bait me into doing something about this whole fiasco. Ball’s in Emma’s court.”
She shrugs. “Fine. Sit around and wait until you get gray hair. You’re missing out on some happiness.”
“Emma’s made her choice,” I remind her, sounding determined to my own ears but knowing deep inside that I’d do anything to get her back.
“Whatever,” she says dismissively. “So, back to our fall trip. Cary and I are thinking of taking a month off, maybe more.”
“That’s great,” I say half-heartedly, because while I didn’t like anything she just told me about Emma, I still enjoyed at least talking about her. The hollowness returns with a vengeance.
“It is great,” she agrees. “I’m looking forward to it. No work. No stress. No obligations.”
“You deserve it.”
“I’m glad you think so,” she says bluntly “Because you’re going to have to find another attorney to represent you against Tyler’s lawsuit. I won’t have time, and the responsive pleadings will be due when I’m gone.”
My jaw drops. “You can’t be serious?”
“Dead serious,” she says. And oh yeah… that look in her eyes.
Absolutely serious.