GERALD WISHED HE WAS JESTING. He was only telling the truth. That kiss had shaken him to the core, reminded him of everything he had sworn to leave behind. He was abandoning his carefree life, allying himself in marriage to a woman who showed not the slightest interest in him as a man, and everything in him as an earl.
If he had one night, just one night to forget everything, to indulge himself with this lovely woman, he could go forward with a clear conscience. He’d sworn to be as good a husband to Elizabeth as he could. He would not stray, and he would not cheat. Society expected husbands and wives to seek solace elsewhere, but he would not do it. He would make the best of what he had.
He spread his hands. “If you refuse my offer, then I fear I must put the matter in the hands of my men of business. I doubt I will lease the house—to anybody.”
He watched her carefully, the way her face fell, the corners of her full lips quirking down. She was very good at hiding her emotions, but he’d touched those lips, and he knew them and their ways. Soft with a firm structure, inviting, and altogether seductive.
He wanted her badly. His groin ached, and his cock was rigid. She would not have felt it under the layers of gown and petticoats she wore. He had not been so ungentlemanly as to push hard enough against her, but he would not be so circumspect next time. He would not admit the possibility of there never being a next time.
“Why would you do this? To humiliate me?”
She sounded hurt. He didn’t like that. “Because I want you, ma’am, it’s that simple.” She deserved to know more. Hell, if she consulted the newspapers she could probably discover more. Speculation was already rising about the new earl and his potential bride. “I am shortly to be married.” He took a step toward the window. He didn’t want to look at her while he was explaining. “No formal arrangement is yet in place, but it’s understood. The lady will help my sisters gain a foothold in society.”
“But you’re an earl.”
“I’m a new earl.” Spinning on one heel, he turned to glare at her. He was mildly surprised she was still here. Surely that mean something? “I was not expected to inherit. My sisters and I led a comfortable life, but not one where we met the right kind of people. Or the ones I’m assured are the right kind.”
“You’re rich. That should be enough.”
Oh, but he liked this woman. “Nowhere near enough. I do not want my sisters sinking into unfulfilled spinsterhood. They cannot take your path; they need to marry and marry well.” He glanced at her. She was still standing, hands folded neatly before her, as if she hadn’t responded to his kiss with a fervor he had rarely experienced before.
“Do you love her?”
He cast a hand up impatiently. “What has love to do with anything? Did you love your late husband?”
Her silence told him that she had not. “But I respected him.”
“I respect Elizabeth. She is beautiful, accomplished and—” he searched for another attribute, and gave up. Elizabeth was the wife he should want, and the one he would have. “I will show her the honor she deserves.” He stared out the window into the garden. It was raining again. Good for the plants, no doubt. “But I am not yet married, nor am I betrothed.”
“And you want a little more freedom before you are.”
“Precisely.” He turned to face her, but saw more than he wanted to in her face.
Sympathy softened her features. “And you don’t want to do it. You don’t want to accept what the future is bringing to you. Are you afraid?”
He forced a laugh. She must not know how close she’d come to piercing the veil he kept around him. Nobody should know that. It was his only defense. “Not at all. What would I be afraid of? I am the recipient of great good fortune.”
“So they tell you,” she said calmly. “You are told that you are a great man with a great position to live up to. Your life before was most probably comfortable but obscure. Now you’re in the public eye, expected to behave in the correct manner. To be a lord, in fact. Not everyone would count that as good fortune.”
“Would you consider it such?”
The corner of her mouth turned up. “I believe I would. But I am not everyone. I am not you.”
She moved toward the door. “I will bid you good day sir.”
“And my proposal?”
“Is one that no respectable woman should take seriously,” she said.
Desperation seized him. “Then I will ask you to consider one more thing. You wanted this as much as I do. You are a respectable woman, expected to behave as such. I am offering you one night of freedom, one night when we may be merely a man and a woman indulging ourselves. Would you deny that to yourself?”
Her mouth primed into a hard line. “I’ll let myself out, shall I?”
As the door closed behind her, Gerald gave a low laugh.
She had not said no.
CHAPTER FOUR