“That’s not true,” I said, half expecting David to laugh. For him to roll his eyes and say Of course it’s not true.
Instead, he pulled a lighter out of his other pocket and fiddled with it. “And seriously, Miks, are you guys done yet? Because as much fun as this is, I think we could all use a break from watching you two flirt.”
Jamie walked away from the group, to the other side of the playground. The rain picked up momentum, tapping a faster beat against the ground. Water sliced down the sides of my nose and seeped into the fabric of my shirt.
“Did you seriously just do that?” Mika hissed.
David tossed his cigarette over his shoulder. “What do you think, Sofa? On a scale of one to flirt, where do Mika and Jamie fall?”
“Fuck you,” Mika said.
David raised one eyebrow but didn’t back off. He leaned over and touched her ankle. “Come on, Miks. It’s no big deal. Set your hormones free.”
“Fuck. You.” Mika kicked off his hand, and he sat back.
She was angrier than I’d ever seen her. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and her shoulders were squared like a boxer’s.
“I think you’re forgetting that tonight is about Sofa,” David said.
“And I think you’re forgetting to fucking control your jealousy issues!”
Jealousy issues? Why would David have jealousy issues with Jamie? He couldn’t stand Jamie—he’d said so a thousand times. David was being such a jerk, and Mika was possibly going to punch him, and no one even seemed to care that the storm was getting worse or that Jamie might be picked up by the guard or a security camera at any moment.
“Guys,” I said, sweeping my wet bangs from my eyes. “I don’t think Jamie’s on the playground anymore. We should go find him.”
“Shut up, Sofa,” Mika snapped.
I looked at her, startled. “What the hell, Mika? Is this because you’re drunk?”
“Jesus! Is that your catchphrase or something? Stop asking if I’m drunk!” She kicked the swing set, drops of water flying like sparks. “And where the fuck is Jamie!”
David stood up, his eyes sorrowful now. “Come on, Miks.”
Rain bounced off the playground equipment, hitting all the empty aluminum cans. It flattened Mika’s fauxhawk and made David look thin and weak and sorry. He approached her and took her fingers between his own. He tugged her closer to him. And she didn’t argue.
“I’m sorry, Miks,” he said. “Okay? I’m a jerk. Everyone knows it.”
“Yeah, you are,” she said, but her voice was softer now, melting into liquid.
He stroked his thumb over her knuckles and held her hand to his chest. Mika lifted her eyes to meet his. Her mouth was open, like she wanted to say something and—
Oh my God.
“Oh my God,” Caroline whispered.
Mika let go of his hand and jumped back.
My arms went numb and heavy by my sides. The rest of the night had collapsed into that one moment: the whisper of his thumb across her hand, the easy parting of her lips in return.
“This is why you’ve been acting so strange,” Caroline said, looking from Mika to David, from David to Mika. “This is why you ditched me last night.”
David put his head in his hands and groaned. “Calm the drama, Caroline.”
“Fuck,” Mika said.
And all I could think about were David’s “jealousy issues,” and all I could think about was David and Mika hanging out by themselves, and all I could think about were the hundreds of times Mika had told me to get over David because he was a player, because he wasn’t as miraculous as he pretended to be.
“You hooked up with her,” Caroline said, “didn’t you?”
“Oh, fuck!” Mika said.
“Jesus!” David said. “Am I the only one who wants to have fun right now?”
Lightning flashed across the playground, and I stumbled back, my ears ringing and my thoughts screaming that it couldn’t be true.
They wouldn’t do this to me.
Rain bled through my skin and into my bones, and everyone was still shouting around me. But I couldn’t hear them anymore. Because Mika and David—they were my best friends, my focal point, the entire reason I was… me.
And just like that, they were gone.
CHAPTER 12
TUESDAY
THE CEMETERY WAS DARK AND FAMILIAR in the rain. The worst kind of déjà vu.
I raced down wet paths, trying to ignore the ripped-open feeling in my chest. The feeling of being torn out from the inside.
Oh. And the crying. I tried to stop the crying.
I tried to believe this wasn’t happening.
Mika wouldn’t hook up with David, because she knew how I felt about him. And David wouldn’t hook up with Mika because he was—mine. Not mine exactly, but my possibility. He saw me the way I wanted to be seen. He made me feel seen.
“Hey!” Someone was shouting, splashing through the puddles behind me. “Hey.” Jamie grabbed the sleeve of my T-shirt. He was panting and his hair lay in damp, heavy strands against his neck. The rain fell in steady curtains now, separating us from the edges of the cemetery. From the rest of Tokyo.
“You followed me.”
“Yeah,” he said, still panting. “I saw you running across the football field. I went to see if Mika and everyone knew what had happened, but it was like the Council of Elrond up there. You know,” he rambled, “before Frodo agrees to take the ring.”
“Huh?”
“Jesus!” He bent over. “What did you do to your knees?”
I gazed down. Watery red streaks were running down my calves. “It was the fence. It’s fine now.”
“Yeah, it’s really not,” Jamie said. “We should get you some Band-Aids.”
“Is there something you want?” I asked. He shook his head, and I realized he couldn’t hear me over the rain. “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”
“Nothing.” He held on to his neck with one hand. “Just to help.”