I held on to the seat and felt dizzy. Like gravity was threatening to loosen its grip on me and send me hurtling out of orbit.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I said, pushing myself off the couch. I was so desperate to get out of there that I tripped over Jamie’s feet on my way to the door. He reached out to grasp my arm, and the heat of his hand made me even woozier. It was like time traveling back to three years ago and the last time I’d been close enough to touch him. Except now, when he looked at me, his face was blank. I’d expected to see something—hatred maybe—but what if even that was gone? What if I’d become nothing? Just the girl who tripped over his feet while he was talking to Mika.
I tugged my arm away and stumbled outside. The sounds from the surrounding karaoke rooms were muffled as I made my way down the compressed hallways, past rooms and rooms of other people in the middle of other songs. In the middle of other nights.
I didn’t go to the bathroom. I stopped at a window, pressed my forehead to the cool glass, and gazed down. It was like tipping into a sea of people and night and all these neon signs growing brighter and brighter.
All I wanted was to go home.
CHAPTER 5
MONDAY
MIKA AND JAMIE LIVED in the same apartment building. They had for basically their entire lives. Mika was born in Tokyo, but Jamie had moved there from North Carolina when he was only two years old. I’d seen pictures of them when they were really little kids, wearing yukata at Children’s Day festivals, dressed up like Power Rangers on Halloween.
After karaoke, we stood in the crush of people in Shibuya Station. I was waiting to watch Mika and Jamie skip home merrily together.
“Well, kids. This is where we part.” David saluted us. Caroline had her arm around his waist. Her hair fell in disheveled waves in front of her face, and she looked half-asleep. She was probably going to stay over at his place. (“The ambassador never finds out because my apartment is huge, and he’s never home, and also he’s an idiot,” he’d explained to me once.)
It was after midnight, and it seemed like everyone in Shibuya was streaming into the station, trying to catch the last trains. People running and shouting, some of them eating konbini sandwiches, most of them drunk. Electronic boards above us blinked a red warning sign: four minutes till the final trains started leaving the station. If we missed them, we’d be screwed. We’d have to walk or take a cab or stay out all night until the first train came at five AM. David and Caroline disappeared down a set of stairs, and Jamie went to a bank of machines to buy a ticket for himself.
“I guess I should go to my platform.” I fished through my tote for my Suica card.
Mika squinted at me. “I’m soooooo drunk. Im’ma barf.”
“Really? You seem all right. You’re just loopy.”
“Oh yeah. Im’ma barf and Im’ma pass out. I can feel it. I had, like, six beers and three of those ginger whiskey thingys. And I know they’re karaoke drinks, and I know they’re watered down, but it’s simple math.” She smiled a vacant smile. “Too many drinkys make me sicky.”
“Okay,” I said. “So you’re drunk.”
“Sophia?” She clung to my arm.
“Uh-huh.”
She lost her balance and collapsed against my chest. I immediately grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her upright. Jamie appeared beside me and tried to help. “It’s fine,” I said tersely. “We’re fine.”
“Come on,” he said. “We’ll take her home.”
“She can’t go home like this. What if her parents see her?”
“It’s okay,” he said, his tone obnoxiously reassuring. “Her parents are away for a couple of nights.”
“How did you know that?” I snapped. “I didn’t know that.”
“It’s true,” Mika mumbled. “Anniversary trip. The bastards.”
I glared at Jamie. “Can’t you take her home by yourself?”
“I could,” he said, “but she probably wants you to come with her.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“Well.” He swallowed, and I watched his throat muscles contract. “You’re her best friend.”
“Oh,” I said. “Right.”
It was so bright in the station after the shadowy karaoke room. There were dark bruises under Jamie’s eyes, and we were sweaty and our clothes were wrinkled. I could smell stale cigarette smoke and thin, sweet beer. Mika’s head rolled against my shoulder. She opened her eyes and smiled up at me. A huge, beautiful Mika smile. Mika didn’t genuinely smile all that often, but when she did, it made you want to do anything for her.
“I’m soooooo happy,” she cooed. “It’s the two of you. My two favorite people. Don’t ever leave each other. Promise me. Promise Mika.”
Jamie and I were holding her between us. He shrugged and I sighed.
We were officially going home together.
Mika and Jamie’s apartment building was near the Imperial Palace, as in the actual palace where the actual emperor of Japan lives. Obviously he didn’t go walking around the neighborhood or anything, but Mika said when she was a kid, she and Jamie used to ask the doorman why he never came to visit.
Standing in their lobby, waiting for the elevator to come, I really did feel like I was in some kind of royal residence. Like this was the palace itself. The lobby had a fountain, and a lot of potted ferns, and an enormous window overlooking an enclosed garden space. The floor was marble, and the walls were lacquered with wood panels so dark and glossy, they were almost reflective.
Jamie seemed uncomfortable. He kept adjusting his ridiculous hat and asking Mika how she felt.
“My internal organs want out,” she said matter-of-factly. And then, “Do I have my keys?”
“I have them.” I pulled her keys out of my tote and caught Jamie examining the side of it, where there was a picture of the Degas sculpture Small Dancer Aged 14. My dad had given me the bag for my fourteenth birthday.
“When did you take her keys?” Jamie asked.