“But not sorry you got so drunk that we had to carry you? Or that you practically humped Kamy in public? Or that—”
“I get it, Vi. I fucked up. It’s okay for you or Kam or Creed to get drunk, but I can’t. I get it.”
She stood and slapped him on the shoulder. “You’re an idiot. Seriously. I don’t care if you make mistakes. I care that you’re going to be upset now, that you’re hurting. You put yourself in danger. I care that you were in pain.”
He started to sit up.
Violet’s hand came down hard on his side. “Stay in the soil, Zeph. Let your body heal from all of the poison you swallowed.”
Despite being embarrassed by his weakness, he obeyed her and burrowed his feet deeper into the soil. He’d only used Alkamy’s soil once before when he was injured in an explosion. Doing so for excessive drinking seemed foolish, but he wasn’t up to arguing with Violet—or ready to go back to his suite and deal with Creed.
“The girls made me promise to wake one of them when you woke,” Violet said, her tone still disapproving. “After I do that, I’m going to see Roan and Will, so I can tell them you’re okay. Then I’m going to snuggle up with whichever one of them is asleep, so I can get some sleep.”
Zephyr grimaced. “I’m sorry.”
Violet stopped, met his gaze, and told him, “You’ve done the same for most of us.” In a flicker of a moment, she softened and added, “I’m sorry about your father being who he is, about your grandmother being . . .” She swallowed, unable to even say the words. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” Zephyr said again. Violet was terrifying sometimes, but under it all, she had nothing but love for the rest of the Sleepers. She would protect them if she could. He felt the same way, but he couldn’t express it with the ferocity she embraced so openly.
“I need to wake them,” Violet said in the silence that had filled the room as he thought about the things he’d learned.
“Not Kamy,” Zephyr half ordered, half begged. “Just Lilywhite.”
Violet said nothing, but a few moments later, Lilywhite was sitting in the chair beside him and Violet was leaving the suite.
“I’m not sure whether to yell or hug you,” Lilywhite said quietly.
He looked at her. “I’m sorry I worried everyone. I’ve never done that.” He winced as he tried to sit up so he could at least pretend not to be incapacitated. “I don’t know how they do that repeatedly.”
“Zephyr,” Lily began, “what we learned—”
“Changes everything,” he cut in. “You need to explain to Creed—”
“No.” She shook her head. “It changes very little. I’m still not hers to command, or yours to have, Zephyr.”
“Did you not hear everything I did last night?”
“I did actually.”
“You’re the rightful heir.”
“I am my father’s daughter, and if I take any hereditary duty, it’s to the Abernathy family businesses. I’ll accept that I’m a little more fae than I thought, but that’s it.” Lilywhite folded her arms over her chest, and Zephyr couldn’t help but think that she was painfully naive. She might be wise in the ways of drug dealers and money laundering, but when it came to the fae, she was almost pitiably clueless.
“No one tells Endellion no,” he said. “You will be wed against your will if necessary. You will be threatened if necessary. She doesn’t accept refusals.”
“She’ll have to. The queen may be our grandmother, but I am my own person.”
“We’re only half-cousins, Lilywhite. In the Hidden Lands, that’s not so much. I don’t like it either, but we just need to learn to—”
“No,” she said again, far more firmly this time.
“Am I that horrible?” He didn’t mean to sound weak, but his pride stung. It hurt to be rejected so thoroughly.
“No, but you love Alkamy, Zephyr, and I . . . I like Creed.” She blushed briefly, but she didn’t look away. “Even if I didn’t, I won’t be commanded like that. You’re a good person, but . . .”
Zephyr laughed bitterly, eliciting a frown from her.
“And I’m glad we’re family,” she continued. “I was raised to believe that family is everything.”
“Endellion is your family too.” Zephyr sat up. “We need to figure out what to do. We can talk to the queen and explain that—”
“I can’t.” She shook her head. “I won’t serve her.”
“The queen will make us both bleed or worse.” Zephyr thought about the rest of the cell, about his friends, about Alkamy. “If you tell her about the true depth of my feelings for Kamy . . . You can’t tell her.” He reached out and grabbed Lilywhite’s hand. “I can’t swear fealty to you like Creed did, but ask anything else of me. I can’t let you say anything that will cause Endellion to hurt Alkamy.”
Lilywhite didn’t pull away. “I don’t need you to make any vows,” she insisted. “I wouldn’t do anything to risk Kamy either.”
“I must obey the queen, Lilywhite. If she orders us to wed, you know that we will. Maybe we could at least forestall that if she saw that we were together.” Zephyr tried to find words that were gentle, but he didn’t know if gentle would get the point across. “You cannot disobey her, but maybe we could compromise for now.”
“What are you saying?” Lilywhite’s grip on his hand tightened painfully.
“I’m saying that I don’t want to see any of us killed, and I don’t think that acquiescing to being mine would be a fate worth than death. Even if you don’t mention Kamy, there are ways she can find out, or did you miss my father’s truth extraction trick last night?”
“I’m sorry.” Lilywhite looked up at him, staring into his eyes, and said, “I made a vow to Creed, Zephyr.”
Zephyr felt like he was going to be sick, and he wasn’t sure it was just the alcohol he’d nearly overdosed on last night. “Ninian help us all.” He leaned back in the soil again. “Do you think you’re the only ones who have feelings that aren’t allowed? Will and Roan have been in love for years. I love Kamy more than I thought it possible to ever love anyone, but—”
“Then why not tell me that?” Alkamy said from behind him.
Any words he might have known vanished as he saw her standing there watching him with tears in her eyes. She didn’t move from the doorway of her bedroom. Her robe was loosely tied, and her hair fell around her face like a dark veil framing perfection like no one else in this world or the other.
“Just once, Zephyr. Say it to me,” Alkamy half ordered, half pleaded.
“I can’t.” He stood and went to her.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want you to get hurt,” he whispered.