A quick glance at my mobile confirmed that she hadn’t tried to ring, and though I was tempted, I didn’t phone her. I collected my stuff from around the room and slipped into the clothes I’d been wearing the day before. My boxer briefs were still damp from the ocean, but I forced them on anyway. I checked around the room twice, confirming I’d snatched up everything, and then I was about to head for the door when I turned for the bed instead. I bent and picked up the pillow she’d slept on—it still had the indent from her head—and I held it up to my face and inhaled. It was like a punch to the gut. It still smelled like the coconut shampoo I’d grown accustomed to over the last few weeks and the scent alone was enough to make my knees crumble. I sat on the edge of the bed and hugged the pillow like a mad fool. Why had we made no plans about the future? Why had I not promised her it would work out? That somehow, someway, she and I would be together?
When I finally left that hotel room, I was running late for my first race of the day. I already had a few missed calls from Caroline, my manager, my agent, my mum, Thom, and Georgie. I sat in the back of the cab and dialed my manager.
“Freddie, where have you been? Your coach has been looking for you.”
I let my head fall against the window of the cab. “I was out. I’m headed to the race now.”
“Jesus, Fred. They give you a long leash because you’re Mr. Dependable. Now you’ve got everyone worried.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
She sighed heavily, annoyed with my clipped tone. “I’ve been trying to contact you about appearances for after the games wrap up. You’ve got interview offers left and right. There are parties and brunches and tea with the royals. Everyone is hounding me to get to you and you’ve been MIA.”
“I’m not doing any of it. Let everyone know that after the Olympics, Freddie Archibald has set a media moratorium. I’ve got some personal stuff to work through once I get home.”
Two slow, steady inhales later, she asked for clarification. “I’m sorry, are you saying you won’t be doing a single interview after Rio?”
My eyes were still closed as I leaned against the window and if I listened hard enough, I swore I could hear the waves breaking against the shore. I held my breath and tried harder to listen. I needed to hear the waves.
“Freddie!?”
She was nearly hysterical, but I couldn’t work up the same feeling. “That’s right. No interviews. I’ll keep up my sponsorship duties, but that’s it.”
“You do realize this will only make them want you more. What is the point of going and winning all those medals if you don’t share your experiences with the world? You owe your fans at least one—”
“I’m done living my life like I owe anyone anything.”
I hung up on her then and dropped my mobile on my lap.
“Just a few more minutes,” the cabbie said, sensing my anxiety.
“Thanks.”
I opened my eyes and stared out at the landscape whipping by. I wanted to tell the cabbie to drive to the airport. I wanted to get on a plane to America and find Andie and convince her that she and I were worth more than three weeks in Rio. I couldn’t though, and I’d never felt as trapped as I did as I gathered my swim gear and headed to the stadium.
I was trapped with Caroline and I was trapped in Rio. I had two more days of racing. Two long days of focusing on the pool and not much else. Swimming had gotten in the way of my life many times before, but I’d never minded. After my father had passed, the pool was my therapy. After Henry’s accident, the pool became my best friend. It was so easy to lose myself in my workouts and my competitions. Now, for once, I didn’t want to lose myself. I wanted to stay dry and settle the loose ends of my life.
“You good, mate?” Thom asked as I stepped into the locker room.
I nodded and shrugged him off.
The entire team was there, changing and getting ready for the races. They looked up at me when I walked in, their eyes scanning me up and down like I was a loose cannon getting ready to fire.
“Fred, you’re thirty minutes late.”
I nodded and tossed my gym bag on the floor so I could lean forward and splash cold water on my face.
“You good to compete?”
I laughed. Out of everything in my life—Andie, Caroline, love, pregnancies, marriage—swimming was the one thing I still had any control over. I patted my face dry with a paper towel before meeting my coach’s eyes in the mirror.
“Have I ever not shown up ready to compete?”
He frowned. “No.”
I pushed off the sink and reached for my bag. “Then let’s go.”
CHAPTER FIFTY
Andie
I FELT A change the second the plane took off. I stared out the window and tried to convince myself that Freddie and I could make it work, but my hands still shook with nerves.
Kinsley and Becca didn’t have doctor’s appointments to get back to, but they flew home with me anyway. Becca was anxious to see her husband Penn, and Kinsley swore she didn’t care about missing the closing ceremonies. She said the closing ceremonies were basically just the start of the final rounds of the debauchery the village was known for. As a married woman, she said she’d rather be there with me for my appointment.