His smile holds lifetimes of sorrow.
I don’t understand, and the pull to leave the Rift is breaking me. I can’t hold this together anymore, the weight of worlds and souls and of the endless, endless sadness I feel for him. “Why are you staying?”
“Because it’s better if I do. Better for all of the innocents I’d have harmed.”
“You wouldn’t have.” But I know he’s telling me the truth. “So this is self-sacrifice?”
“Atonement,” he says. “Perhaps redemption.” Rael takes another step backward. “Or perhaps, keeping hope alive. Thank you, Daryn.”
“You’re thanking me?”
He nods, his green eyes glimmering. “For showing me that deserving trust and forgiveness is worth more than having them.”
Behind me, Gideon yells for me to come with him, but I can’t leave Rael yet. His smile is heartbreaking. He is heartbreaking. “Go,” he says. “Your life awaits. And, Daryn? I’ll miss you. Terribly.”
The portal pulls me in, my hold breaking. Brightness flashes, like the snap of a band, and I’m blind for long seconds, caught in a turbulence that reaches into my bones and rattles my ribs together.
Then stillness comes, and I find myself clinging to dusty earth. Holding on to it like I’ll be swept out to sea if I let go.
The Nevada desert appears with its black mountain ranges framing the edges of the blue night. I blink at the disorientation, the rush of feeling that’s sweeping over me.
A white spot of light sits on the horizon. Our camp. Where Ben will be. Maia, Cordero, and all the others.
The playa is beautiful under the light of a trillion stars.
Gideon is with the guys. They’ve dismounted and stand together, waiting for me.
I wonder how long I’ve been here. I wonder if I asked for some time to myself, some space. I think I might have.
There is no more orb. I look for where it should be, hovering in the air before me, but my eyes pull up to the stars. To all the infinite possibilities. Infinite creations.
Rael.
As I think of him, I feel awed and inspired.
If evil is its own undoing, I think, then good can be self-generating.
He did a great and selfless good tonight.
I pull myself to my feet. Gideon walks up and pulls me into a hard hug that lasts and lasts.
He steps back. “What’s next?” he asks, with a soft smile.
“I think I’m actually going to stay here a little while longer.”
He nods. “Okay.”
I watch him rejoin the guys. Then I see Bas swing up behind Jode. Bas lifts a hand, and they ride off toward the beacon light of base camp.
Shadow ambles over to me. Long legs, all grace.
Alone, I feel the toll inside me. I know I won’t ever forget Rael. And I won’t ever forget the extraordinary power I had for a brief time. But I’m not powerless.
Every second, I choose who I am. I have the power to be hopeful, or trusting, or forgiving. Every second, I can create a Reason.
I pat Shadow’s velvety neck, feeling her warmth and her reassuring breaths. “We did it, girl. We brought Bas home.” Then I look up to find the star where a fallen angel is suffering. I think I find it.
I must, because I feel hope.
I swing into the saddle and take up the reins. “Okay, girl. Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER 46
GIDEON
“Where’s Gideon? Has anyone seen Gideon?”
The voice sends a bolt of panic through me. Marcus splits into a grin as I shoot behind the pool house, hopefully out of sight.
Bas laughs, shaking pool water out of his hair. “Dude. Doc Martin loves you.”
“Yeah, but why?” I ask, peering from behind a hedge. “Why does he love me?”
When we planned to have a party at Daryn’s place in Connecticut, I was prepared for a lot of different scenarios for dealing with her dad. But not this.
Dr. Martin has literally followed me around all day, from the minute I showed up with the guys at ten this morning. He took me on a tour of the house, then the property. I got an expert-level tour of Daryn’s mom’s garden. Then he took me to the dock where he keeps his boat. That led to a quick two-hour boat ride around Long Island Sound. This was all while everyone else stayed here at the house, swimming, barbecuing. Having fun.
Doc Martin has asked me seventy-two billion questions about my prosthetic, my family, my goals and dreams for life. We even spent some quality time on celiac. I think at this point he might know me better than Daryn does.
The only upside to all this is that Chief, Dr. Martin’s dog, is just as into me. I look down, and the little guy jumps all over my leg, wanting me to pet him. I squat and let him attack-lick me. I’m pretty sure this dog was always meant to be in my life, just like Daryn and the guys. And Riot.
“Dr. Martin is either really smart, and knows how to keep his daughter happy, or … your terrific personality won him over.”
Jode laughs at his own comment. Hehehe.
“Is he close? Should I start running?” I look across the patio. The party is a mix of people I know and people I don’t.
Cordero’s here. Laughing at something Ben’s saying. It’s good to see her having fun. For a while there, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see that again.
Anna is deep in conversation with Josie, Daryn’s sister, but she occasionally looks over at Jode, like she just wants to know where he is. Like Daryn and me. Like Dr. Martin and me, too.
There are family friends of the Martins’ here. Some of Josie’s college friends and some of Daryn’s high school friends.
It’s a really diverse mix of people. High-powered doctors going red at the scalp from all the sun. Kids cannonballing into the pool and throwing Frisbees on the lawn. The sun shines and there isn’t a cloud in the sky.
Not many days earn the “perfect” label, but this one does.
Easy.
Even though Low isn’t here. And even though Mom couldn’t make it out.
It’ll happen someday.
For now, this is more than enough.
Maia comes over, wedging a lime into her beer bottle. “I need a Foosball partner. Suarez and Soraya are getting too cocky. Marcus.” She tips her head. “Let’s dominate.”
“Aight.” Marcus looks at me. “Better hide, G.”
And just as he steps away, Dr. Martin steps up. “Gideon! There you are!” He claps me on the shoulder. “I want you to meet one of my colleagues. He was a Ranger, too. Long time ago, though. I don’t think he’d know your father, but we’ll see.”
“Always worth a try, right?” I hear myself say, super gamely. He’s really not that bad.
Behind me I hear Jode’s laugh again.
Daryn’s dad keeps up a steady flow of conversation as we walk. Did I try the short ribs? He checked and the seasoning is gluten-free, and it’s his favorite, and I have to try it. Has he told me he has half a mind to give me Chief so he can stop hearing about the damage the dog’s doing to his wife’s flower beds?