Why not? What do I stand to lose?
“I miss hearing my sister laugh. I miss the hugs my mom gave me every morning, without fail. I miss having long conversations with my dad about my future, even though we never agreed. I miss Isabel, my friend. I miss Shadow. I miss school, driving a car, making milkshakes. It probably sounds stupid to you—such insignificant things. But I’ve denied myself them for a long time. So, that’s why I want to leave. So I can do all the insignificant little things that make life awesome.”
I instantly feel ridiculous. It has to be the worst meaning-of-life statement ever made. And I can’t look at Samrael anymore, either. “Please stop looking at me like I’m an unsolvable riddle.”
He shakes his head, saying nothing, but his gaze has turned serious. I have the strange feeling that what I’ve said has affected him—my silly little speech.
We eat in silence that feels oddly companionable as the dark clouds rumble over us in the sky. When we’re finished, he hops to his feet. “Come. I want to show you something.”
I stand, following him as he picks his way along the bank toward the waterfall on the far end of the pond. A light mist has begun to fall, making the river rocks slippery beneath the soles of my boots.
We’re almost there when Samrael wobbles in front of me. His arms shoot out for balance, but his foot slides and he goes in, landing with a splash in knee-deep water. He seems so surprised by his own clumsiness that I laugh.
He looks up, smiling ruefully. “Really? Is that how it is?”
“That’s how it is.”
He sets his other foot into the water. “No sense trying to stay dry now.”
His progress wading through the water is faster and smoother. And the mist is turning into rain, so I’ll be getting soaked anyway. In about five seconds I’m convinced.
I step into the water, too.
The cool seeps into my boots and pants, chilling my skin. It feels real and exhilarating. By the time we reach the edge of the pool where the drop begins, my heart is thumping with adrenaline.
I peer over the side and my stomach does a flip. We’re much higher in elevation than I expected. So high up, the woods below look like a blanket rolling out into the distance. Vast tracts are brown, marring the green like stains, and I remember the areas we passed where the trees were burnt.
There’s a lot more of this kind of fire damage than I’d have guessed. Half of what I see. It spreads into the distance and encroaches on the hill where I stand. I think of Gideon. Whether he’s seeing any of this up close.
“It’s dying,” Rael says beside me.
Rael. Did I just think of him as Rael?
“Some sort of blight,” he adds.
“It’s from fire, isn’t it, Samrael? I’ve seen it up close. The trees are burnt.”
“Yes. Scorched, but from the inside. There’s no warning. It affects tracts of land at random. I’ll wake to learn that acres have been destroyed. It’ll reach us here eventually. This entire place will be gone. Soon, if the pace maintains. It’ll ruin our crops, our gardens…”
“Everything,” I say. “Everything will eventually be lost.”
He nods.
My stomach turns again. I haven’t loved it here—but to think of the Rift’s total annihilation? It’s chilling. “The people I just met—you said they wanted to stay. They’re all right with that? They’ll just accept starvation?”
“I can’t make decisions for them.” He turns his gaze away, staring out into the distance. “And I’ve lost feeling in my feet.”
I smile. “So have I. I’m freezing.”
“Let’s go?”
Before I can reply, the clouds break and rain comes down in great, heavy waves. We run back. After a few steps, a bubble of laughter rises in my throat. Running through knee-high water feels ridiculously slow and goofy. When I look at Rael and see him grinning, I can’t hold it in any longer. We look like we’re running in slow motion.
We’re both laughing and completely soaked by the time we reach the bank.
“Shelter here or run back?” he asks, water pouring down his face. He looks younger with his hair slicked to his head, his cheeks leaner, more sculpted. His build looks rangier.
“Run back,” I answer. We take off, like a starting gun just fired, snatching up our things and sprinting back up the trail.
It’s a slog. Muddy and slippery. The creek swells with water and overflows, flooding parts of the trail and forcing us to leapfrog in places. It reminds me of running track, timing my steps, launching over hurdles. My body and the terrain become my entire focus.
As we reach the big stone house and barrel into the vacuous foyer, I’m blissfully mindless. We stand inside the lamp-lit gloom, dripping and out of breath. Both of us smiling. I feel more carefree than I have in a long time.
I think he feels the same.
Then I remember that Gideon is out there in the woods.
Alone, and in danger.
CHAPTER 36
GIDEON
Finally, what I’ve been waiting for.
A visit with my top worst favorite enemy, Samrael.
He takes his time coming down the stairs and checks Riot’s cell first.
Riot’s still weak, but standing. He snorts when he sees Samrael, and the two of them have a nice little stare-down.
“Hello, Gideon,” Samrael says, coming over to me. “How’s your leg?”
Better. Seventy percent, I think. But like I’m telling him that.
“I’m supposed to be planning a search for you right now,” he says. His eyebrows rise. “Found you.”
“Where’s Daryn?”
“Upstairs. She’s convinced you’re out there,” he says, waving a hand toward the network of tunnels. “And she’s worried about you, naturally. But she’s fine. Unharmed.” He pauses. “Is that what you want to hear?”
Of course it is. Even more, I want to believe it.
“We’re off to a good start,” he continues. “I think I’ll have her full trust soon.”
“If you hurt her—”
“I won’t. I promise you. I like her, Gideon. She’s a mystery to me, you know. Unlike you.”
I feel myself brace. Waiting for him to get into my head.
“Besides,” he continues. “Harming her would be foolish. It wouldn’t get me out of here.”
“You’re never leaving.”
“I will, Gideon. I’m ready. I’ve been ready. I’ve spent long months waiting for her to show up. The gatekeeper. My ticket out of here, as they say. I’ve been trapped without her—that wasn’t supposed to happen. Ra’om had planned to bring her in here, knowing we needed her to come and go. But Bas’s heroic actions were unexpected. Quite a few unfortunate surprises that day, don’t you think? Neither one of us ended up with things the way we wanted them.”
Thinking about Daryn in here for the past eight months almost makes me shudder. “Is that why you kept Bas alive? To use him as a lure? He was bait, wasn’t he?”
“Yes. But I genuinely grew to like Sebastian. We became good friends.”