“So, you and War?” she says, pulling the Jeep onto the main road. “I saw that he spent the night. Plus all the eye hockey you two have been playing. Plus, we all knew something had gone on before.”
“Yeah, we’re…” I don’t know what we are. I pass the water bottle we’ve been sharing back to her. “We’re something.”
Maia laughs. “Yep. That you are. Blake’s a top-quality guy. Hot as Hades, too.” I look at her. “Whoops. Is it okay I said that?”
“Of course. I’m just surprised that I feel good right now. I mean, I’m sad about what happened … but I’m also good.” Part of it is Maia, I know. Being with her. Doing something random with her that I’d never otherwise do. Being out. Driving around. Sharing water. Just … accepting the missing pieces and keeping going.
“I hear you,” she says. “Life’s frickin’ weird, ain’t it?”
“So weird.”
Back at camp, we’re told to gather in the command center. Maia and I plop down next to each other. The seats around the table start to fill, but it’s the absences I notice.
No Ben. No Suarez.
No Low.
Without them, it feels like we’re half the number we were two days ago, even though that’s not true.
Marcus walks in and looks at me. Jode follows behind him. Then Gideon, who I can’t look at directly. Not even after I internally yell at myself for being a chicken. Not even when he sits right beside me and says, “Hey.”
I mumble it back.
He must realize I’ve become mute, because he starts talking to Maia. “Heard you went shooting. How’d you do?”
Maia replies and then he replies and they talk like grown people, as I try to follow along while my brain feeds me an image of the way he looked smiling at me from the other side of the pillow.
“Daryn shot, too? How was it?” he asks, still carrying on like three of us are participating in this conversation.
Maia picks me up. She carries both of us, like she’s my spokesperson. I sit like a lump of human, running my thumb over an imaginary scratch on the table. Because eye contact? Words? Not happening right now.
I feel too close to him. I’ve lost my protective shell, my ability to modulate, to hide or deflect or play it cool. I haven’t felt this before. I’m afraid I won’t properly shift gears back to civil and businesslike. I’m afraid I’ll get up and crawl into his lap and look at him with hearts twirling around in my eyes instead of answering, Yes, I shot a rifle for the first time and I didn’t like it much.
I’m rescued from my newfound awkwardness when Natalie Cordero enters. The quiet hum of conversation cuts off as she rounds the table and sits in her usual seat.
She’s a mess. Her complexion’s not far from the gray sweat suit she’s wearing. Her head is bandaged and there are small cuts along her cheek.
Her eyes are sunken.
She looks like she’s spent the entire night crying her eyes out, like the rest of us.
But Cordero has never been like the rest of us.
She folds her hands, and keeps her gaze on them as she speaks. “I’ll get right to the point.” Even her voice sounds broken. It’s raw and almost inaudible. “I take full responsibility for what happened. Travis Low’s death is on my conscience, so don’t let it be on any of yours. The injuries to Jared, Ben, and Maia as well. It’s all on my shoulders. That is likely no comfort to those of you who are suffering, but I apologize. Sincerely and deeply.”
She sighs, letting that sink in.
Beside me Gideon sits forward, propping his elbows on the table.
“I’ve made a decision,” she continues, “to discontinue this operation, effective immediately. Nothing more is required of you—” Her breath catches. “Consider yourselves relieved of your duties. Tomorrow, a crew will come to break down camp. Helos will be here in the morning to transport you. That said, if any of you wish to leave now, there are enough SUVs to accommodate everyone if you share rides, and the RVs are an option, too. Talk to Soraya to coordinate.
“As far as the future of this team goes, that decision remains to be made. Reports will need to be written and reviewed. An investigation will be conducted. Perhaps several. That will all take time. But I will notify you as soon as we have a directive.” She pauses. “Does anyone have any questions?”
Jode speaks first. “You’re dismantling everything? The search? What about Sebastian?”
It’s the question on all of our minds.
Cordero turns a weary gaze on him. “The search is suspended until further notice.”
“But there won’t be further notice. Will there be?” Jode presses. “This isn’t a suspension. It’s a cancellation.”
Cordero doesn’t reply.
Anger rises inside me. Volcanic. Somehow I keep from exploding.
How can she abandon Sebastian?
“Cordero, you saw what was in there,” Gideon says.
“Yes, Gideon. I did,” Cordero returns. “That’s precisely why this is over. The risks are too high.”
“You’re going to leave Bas?” he says. “You’re going to leave him to those things?”
The expression on Cordero’s face tells me what she won’t say: She thinks Sebastian is dead.
“It’s the only choice now. I won’t expose any of you to that again. And I won’t run the risk of those things crossing over to this side.”
Gideon shoves his chair back and walks out. Marcus is a half step behind him, Jode right after. And suddenly I’m the only one still here.
Me. The one who never wanted any of this in the first place. Not the involvement of all these people, or this military-style circus in the middle of the desert.
The weight of a dozen stares presses on me. “You can’t give up.”
“Oh, I can give up,” Cordero says. “If it means saving lives.”
I shake my head. If there’s one thing that can’t happen, it’s this. We can’t leave Bas in the Rift. I desperately want and need to find my lost friend. I’ll never be able to move on until I do.
“Are you going to tell me that I should’ve listened to you?” Cordero says. “Go ahead if it’ll make you feel better.”
It won’t. Only one thing will.
I get up and leave.
I go right to the guys’ RV, opening the door and letting myself in.
I find them standing in the kitchen, talking. All of them at once and in urgent tones. They strike me as imposing, the three of them. Like it’s a child’s table they’re arguing around.
They fall silent when they see me.
“We were just discussing asking you about going into the Rift,” Jode says. He glances at Gideon, whose full attention is on me. “You’re aware of the danger.”
“I am, and you don’t have to ask me. I’m asking you.”
“We’re in, of course,” Jode says immediately. “When?”
“Tonight,” I say. “Just the four of us.”
CHAPTER 18
GIDEON
We start planning to go back into the Rift right away.
With the security measures in place around camp, we won’t get away from here undetected without some help.
“Maia,” Daryn suggests.
We all agree. Perfect.