See What I Have Done

The officer lay there, spat out a tooth. He would not be getting up. Then John said to me, ‘That was rather unexpected.’

I looked at him, saw the beginnings of a grin, saw a little gap between his front teeth. He stuck out his hand and I grabbed it, gave a handshake. His skin was elderly-soft, someone who never had to use their hands for work. There was blood on my thumb, on my wrist, and when we finished shaking hands, there was blood on his too. He took out a white cotton handkerchief from his breast pocket, wiped himself clean.

‘Benjamin,’ I told him.

‘I’m so glad to have met you, Benjamin. Who knows what might have happened if you hadn’t been around?’ John eyed me, pointed to my barbed-ripped thigh. ‘You seem to have gotten yourself into a spot of bother.’

I looked down at my frayed trouser leg, at the gash underneath. ‘Nothing I can’t handle.’

‘I’m beginning to see. But you’ll need to take care of that.’

‘In good time.’

John wiped his hand again, inspected his fingernails. His stomach gurgled and he belched. ‘Pardon me,’ he said, rubbing his stomach. ‘Seems I’ve still got some issues here.’

My leg began to ache, remembered the fire-tear of steel as I jumped over a fence, remembered a man’s bloody tooth jammed into my palm after I had smashed him. I must have winced because John asked, ‘You need a rest?’

‘I’ll be okay.’

‘Why don’t we go somewhere, spot ourselves a rest? Get a drink? I feel I owe you for sticking up for me.’ John, overfriendly, over-insistent.

I looked down at the officer, still passed out from knocking. Would John rat me out if I didn’t go with him? Some men scare easy, some men are the scare. I knew what I was. I’d gamble about John. ‘Alright,’ I told him. ‘Let’s rest.’

John smiled. ‘I know a quiet place but we’ll need to walk. Can you manage?’

‘I’ve had plenty worse injuries.’

We left the alleyway, walked deeper into Fairhaven, past the scaffolding around the roofless city hall, past all things gentlemanly, walked to a quiet, dusty corner storefront. ‘No one to bother us here,’ John said. I nodded.

We went in, smelled the dirt-whiskey fumes, saw men there. Men holding on to half-empty glasses, men holding on to their bollocks, men playing their last chance at card games. Men there like my papa. They paid us no attention. We sat at the bar. I could smell John, could smell that he didn’t belong in places like this. I breathed him in—clean-smelling, just a hint of sweat.

The barman came over, dragged his weasel legs behind him. ‘Get you anything?’

I fingered my pocket, had nothing inside, looked at John, who reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out a fold of notes. ‘Two whiskeys to warm us up.’

The barman poured, handed them over, left us.

We sipped, my throat liquid-warm, and I nodded my head. John smiled. ‘What were you doing out this morning anyway, Benjamin?’

‘This and that.’

‘A man of secrets. I respect that.’

‘What were you doing?’ I asked.

‘I’d been up and down through the night vomiting, I thought a walk might do the trick, but alas . . .’

‘Alas indeed.’

‘Besides, I think we all should be up in the early hours. Early birds catch the worm.’ John winked, sipped whiskey, made a gurgling sound as he swallowed. A peculiar man.

The bar was noise and drink. Men challenged men then quickly gave up the fight. After a time, John asked where I had come from.

‘It’s a story,’ I said.

‘But you’re not from around here?’

‘No.’ I didn’t care to be friendly like this with him but we were under unusual circumstances. ‘You from here?’

‘No, not me. I’m here to visit before moving on to Fall River.’

‘What’s there?’

John rubbed his nose. ‘Family. Of sorts.’

‘Of sorts?’

‘My sister’s daughters live there.’

‘But not your sister?’

He smoothed palms over his hair. ‘She died many years ago.’

‘I’ve sisters.’ I said it like we were becoming buddies.

‘You get along with them?’

‘I used to. I haven’t seen them in a while.’

This made him smile. ‘So you like to keep your distance from people.’

‘Sometimes.’

John looked at me like I was a calculation. ‘What is it you want?’ I asked.

He palmed his hair again. ‘I’m just trying to get to know the person who helped me.’

‘I see situations and I fix them,’ I told him. A half-truth. If only he knew.

John grinned. ‘I bet you do.’

We stared at each other. John bit his fingernails, like he was thinking things over, and after a time he said, ‘I hope this doesn’t push our newfound acquaintance, but I wondered if you would consider helping me one more time.’ A waver in his voice.

‘In what way?’

‘I need someone to take care of a problem.’

‘What kind?’

‘Familial.’

I nodded. ‘I know about those.’

He smiled. ‘I had a feeling you might.’ John looked me over again, looked down at my leg. ‘That needs to be seen to.’

Blood was resting on the surface of my pants, my leg giving off all types of smells. ‘I’ve had worse injuries.’

‘Still, you wouldn’t want a cut like that to get in your way.’

‘Guess I don’t.’

The men in the bar kept up their drinking, kept up their card-playing, kept up. Outside the sun brightened, cast long shadows into the bar. I thought about the officer, whether he’d been found yet, whether he had sent anyone to come for me. Sitting still was a danger. I said to John, ‘This problem you have, is it in Fall River?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you want the problem to be taken care of soon?’

‘The sooner the better.’

‘What exactly do I have to do?’

‘I’m having trouble deciding. I don’t want it to get out of control.’

‘I’m very controlled.’

John nodded. ‘Yes, you are, but can you disappear? Can you keep secrets?’

I got the rush feeling of danger, felt it push along my body. I’d been asked this type of thing before. There would be gold times ahead. ‘It’s what I’m good at.’

John nodded and nodded, his head bobbing for a tipping point. ‘Good. Because we’re very private people. We simply need help. We need someone to be a kind of mediator, someone who doesn’t know us and won’t play favourites.’ His gap-toothed smile.

‘Who exactly needs help?’

‘My wonderful nieces.’ He paused. ‘Unfortunately, they don’t see eye to eye with their father. He’s a stubborn man, doesn’t take too kindly to anyone who questions him.’

I knew about fathers. Origins are important. There was a time when I wouldn’t have been able to take care of such business.

John studied his fingernails then slid them one by one over his teeth.

‘Do you want me to talk some sense into him?’ I asked.

‘I want you to be forceful with the man. He needs to listen to reason.’

‘What message do you want me to send him?’ I thought of the ways I could do that. The fun it would be.

‘I want him to know that I’ve been paying close attention to how he’s been treating his daughters lately.’ He paused again, thought some. ‘And I want him to reconsider where he’s spending his money.’

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