n the beach, Colin sat on a towel with Maria beside him, trying to ignore the way she looked in the black bikini that had been hidden beneath her clothing. Yesterday he’d viewed her as an intriguing stranger; while paddleboarding today, he’d come to view her as a friend; but now, he wasn’t sure what might come next. All he really knew was that the black bikini was making it difficult to keep his thoughts straight. Maria, he decided, was beyond pretty, planted firmly in the stunning range, and although Colin sensed that something had changed between them over the course of the day, he couldn’t quite put a name to it.
He didn’t have much experience with women like Maria. Instead of college degrees and close-knit families, the women he’d dated tended to have numerous piercings and tattoos, angry fa?ades? and serious daddy issues. They expected to be treated poorly, and he’d generally obliged. The mutual lack of expectation made for something resembling comfort when they hung out together. Damaged comfort for sure, but misery loves company. Only a couple of them had lasted as long as three months, but unlike Evan, having one special person in his life had never held much interest for Colin. He wasn’t wired that way. He liked the freedom that came with being single, without having to answer to someone else. It was hard enough to keep his own life straight, let alone trying to meet someone else’s expectations.
Or at least that was what he’d always believed, but now, as he surreptitiously admired Maria, he wondered whether he’d simply been making excuses. Whether maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t cared about being in a relationship because he’d never given it an honest shot, or because he hadn’t met the right person. He knew he was getting ahead of himself, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted to spend more time with her. Why she was still single was beyond him. He reminded himself that there wasn’t a chance she’d be interested in a guy like him.
And yet…
In the hospital, he’d spent a lot of time in group therapy, where trying to figure out what made others tick was part and parcel of the exercise itself. Understanding others meant understanding yourself – and vice versa – and he’d long ago become attuned to body language and vocal cues people displayed as they shared their fears and flaws and regrets. And while he couldn’t precisely read Maria, he suspected she was just as confused about what was happening as he was. Which made sense. Although he was doing okay now, she had to realize that the old Colin would always be part of him. That would be a concern for anyone; hell, he was concerned about it, too. While his explosive anger was dormant at the present time, it was like a hibernating bear, and he knew he had to structure his life a certain way to keep spring from arriving so the bear would stay asleep. Train hard to keep his anger in check; indulge in the occasional MMA match to purge his aggression. Study hard and work long hours to fill his schedule and keep him from visiting the wrong places. Stay away from drugs and limit alcohol. Spend time with Evan and Lily, who not only were model citizens, but were always there to lend support and keep him out of harm’s way.
There wasn’t room in his life for Maria. There wasn’t time. He didn’t have the energy.
And yet…
They were alone together on an isolated stretch of sand, and he thought again that she was sexy as hell. Logically, Maria should have run for the hills by now, but she seemed to be taking his past in stride, and for the life of him, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
He watched as she leaned back in the glow of the late-afternoon sun, propping herself on her elbows. He thought again that she was as naturally beautiful as anyone he’d ever seen, and in an effort to distract himself, he rolled to the side and reached behind her, pulling the cooler toward him. He popped off the lid and retrieved two bottles of water, then handed one of them to her.
“Banana or orange?” he asked.
“Banana,” she said. She sat up, languid and graceful. “Oranges get my hands all sticky.”
He handed it over and pulled out a couple of baggies of mixed nuts.
“Do you want some of these, too?”
“Sure,” she said. “Why not?”