“You want a list?”
“Yes, please. I need to go check out the competition.”
“Jealous?”
She smiled. “Maybe just a little.”
“Good.”
27
Helen couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in a fight with a girlfriend. Junior high? Earlier? She wasn’t the kind of person who enjoyed conflict and even as a kid, she’d gone quiet rather than make trouble. That went a long way to explaining why it had taken her forever to confess anything close to her feelings for Jeff. But the stress of them finally getting together followed by his ex-wife moving into his house had both exhausted her and shown her the error of her ways. To make things better, she needed to be proactive, which was why after two days of not hearing from her friend, she made the decision to confront Kelly directly.
Helen hadn’t realized anything was wrong until the end of her session with Jeff and the band. Kelly had left early, but Helen hadn’t thought anything of it until Olivia had teased her about being with Jeff. Apparently their duet had given away their secret.
Jeff had said to give Kelly time to come to terms with what had happened. His advice had made sense, so she’d done as he’d suggested, but by this morning she’d realized the problem was bigger than either she or Jeff had realized. She and Kelly never went more than twenty-four hours without at least texting each other. The silence, to resort to a cliché, was deafening.
Helen drove to the farm and parked next to her friend’s truck. She walked purposefully to Kelly’s office and forced herself to simply go in without allowing herself a second to hesitate or chicken out. She was determined to be the adult in the room, and if she didn’t feel especially grown-up, then she would fake it.
Kelly looked up as she entered. Her entire body stiffened and she glanced around, as if looking for an escape.
“I thought we should talk,” Helen said, doing her best to sound friendly rather than sick to her stomach. She’d suspected Kelly was upset, but seeing her best friend so uncomfortable was disheartening.
“Okay.” The single word was clipped. Kelly motioned to the chair by her desk. “You first.”
There wasn’t any give there, no sense of “Hey, we’ve known each other forever.”
“I’m sorry you’re upset with me,” Helen began, only to have Kelly cut her off.
“You can’t be serious. You’re sorry I’m upset with you? That’s it? Not that you’re sorry you lied to me? You’re dating my father.” She slapped her hands on the desk. “No. You’re sleeping with my father. You and my father have sex. You’re supposed to be my best friend, Helen. I trusted you. I loved you. I thought you had my back. But none of that is true, is it? How could you keep a secret like that from me? It makes everything we were a sham.”
Helen’s eyes filled with tears. Her chest was tight and she was afraid she was going to throw up.
“Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t say that.”
“Say what? That I don’t know who you are anymore? Do you know what it’s been like around here? First Olivia. She never said she and our mother were practically roommates. She’d been in touch with her for years and didn’t say a word. Then Marilee shows up and that’s been its own brand of hell and now this.” Her gaze sharpened. “You’ve been sleeping with my father and didn’t tell me. What else have you kept from me? And what the hell were you thinking? He’s my dad—you’re my best friend. It’s disgusting.”
Helen honestly didn’t know where to start and even figuring that out, she had no idea what to say. I didn’t mean to lie to you? Only she had lied—for years. There were reasons, but she wasn’t sure they mattered.
A thousand thoughts flashed through her brain. They were all stupid or wrong or defensive. She supposed what it came down to was how she felt about her friend. Kelly was important and she’d let Kelly down.
“I didn’t know how to tell you I was in love with your father,” she admitted, her voice soft and shaky.
Kelly’s eyes widened. “You’re in love with him? It’s not just sex?”
“Not for me.” Helen brushed away tears. “Come on. Let’s be real. I’m the one who hasn’t dated since the divorce. I don’t know how to date, and if a guy ever gets around to asking me out, I’m just a disaster.” She swallowed against the tightness in the throat. “I’m sorry for hurting you and for keeping it a secret. I’ve been in love with Jeff for a couple of years now, only I didn’t know how to tell him, or if he would care. I couldn’t figure out what he thought of me. A few weeks ago, I just kind of went for it.” She pressed her lips together, not wanting to say too much. “He doesn’t know I’m in love with him.”
She wanted to ask Kelly to not to mention that part to her dad, but figured her friend didn’t feel all that loyal right now.
“Why didn’t you say something?” Kelly demanded. “You never once hinted.”
“Why do you think? I was scared.”
“Of me?”
Helen shrugged. “Of what you’d think and say. What if you told me he secretly thought I was awful? What if you disapproved? What if you weren’t willing to be my friend anymore? When Jeff and I finally took things to the, ah, next level, we both agreed not to make it public for a while. Not until we knew what was happening. But before we could get that far, Marilee showed up and it’s all a mess and you’re mad and I never wanted to hurt you.”
More tears fell. Helen covered her face with her hands. Kelly was silent for a long time, then a desk drawer opened and Kelly pushed a box of tissues toward her.
“I don’t like that you didn’t tell me,” Kelly admitted. “It feels weird. Like you had this whole secret life I didn’t know about.”
“Would you have been more comfortable knowing I was crushing on your father?”
Kelly winced. “Probably not.” She hesitated. “You really think he’s hot?” She held up her hand. “No. Please don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I’m not sure how to integrate my best friend having sex with my father.”
“Probably best not to go there.” Helen wiped her face and blew her nose. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been in hell since your mom showed up.”
“It doesn’t, which I guess makes me a decent person.” Kelly sighed. “I don’t know what to think or feel or anything. Everyone is keeping secrets.”
“I’m sorry about mine.”
“Thank you. I want to say it’s okay, but I still don’t know.”
Not exactly the answer Helen wanted to hear, but it wasn’t as if she could push or anything.
“I understand.”
“I just need some time.” Kelly sounded defensive. “I’m not saying anything is different, but it’s a lot to think about.”
“Sure.” Helen rose. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
Kelly nodded.
Helen walked back to her car. She felt as if a pile of rocks were sitting in her stomach. Kelly might not be willing to admit that anything was different, but Helen knew everything had changed. What she didn’t know was if they could ever get back to where they’d been.
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