“Okay,” Jonathan answered, taking another bite.
“Now,” Benny said. Jonathan put his sandwich down and followed Benny up the passageway to the adults’ rooms.
They walked past the door to the Admiral’s office, still closed and locked. The next door in the hall stood open, and Benny led him through it.
Inside, Sebastian was lying on a huge, high bed. It was fancy and old-fashioned, with a tall pole at each corner and thick curtains that ran between them. All the curtains around the bed were pulled open and Sebastian lay propped up on a pile of pillows, watching a TV that was blaring on a little desk at the foot of the bed.
“Here he is,” Benny announced proudly.
“Leave us alone, Benny,” Sebastian said with a bored voice. Benny frowned and gave Jonathan a dirty look and then walked out, closing the door behind him.
Sebastian sat up and scowled at the TV.
“The reception sucks,” he said. “You can’t hardly see a thing.”
Jonathan shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
Sebastian blew out an impatient breath and slid off the bed. He sat down at the foot of the bed and clicked the TV off, then looked up at Jonathan.
“Where is he?” he asked.
Jonathan didn’t have to ask who Sebastian was talking about.
“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully.
“You’re his friend,” Sebastian persisted. “And I know you’ve been creeping around this place.”
“I don’t know where he is,” Jonathan repeated. “This place is huge. He never told me he was leaving.”
“I want him back. I don’t like him being out there. It’s not … right. I’m supposed to be in charge, right? I’m supposed to be taking care of everybody. I should know where he is, right?” Sebastian’s eyes were sharp and troubled.
Jonathan shrugged. “It’s not your fault,” he said at last. “He ran away. You didn’t make him leave.”
Sebastian looked away and nodded, then his eyebrows lowered and he looked back to Jonathan.
“If you do see him, would you tell me?”
Jonathan swallowed and looked away. He didn’t answer.
Sebastian frowned and shook his head.
“It didn’t have to be like this,” he said. “We could be doing this together, you know.”
Jonathan looked at him.
“Doing what?”
“Running this thing. Being in charge. You’re smart. This was all your idea, remember. You didn’t have to make me the bad guy.”
“I didn’t make you anything,” Jonathan protested.
“Yeah?” Sebastian jumped to his feet. Jonathan took a step back. “Someone has to be the boss. Someone has to make it work. How else do you make everyone write a letter? How else do you make sure no one tells the boat guys? How else do you get people to feed the furnace? Huh? How do you make it all work otherwise?”
Jonathan didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know. But I don’t want to be in charge. I just want … I just want …”
“What, Johnny? What do you want?”
Jonathan blinked hard and looked at the floor.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I don’t want anything, I think. And that’s the problem.”
He could feel Sebastian still glaring at him, could hear his angry breathing.
“Why did you even suggest all this? Do you like it here?”
Jonathan shrugged and looked up into Sebastian’s face.
“I don’t like it out there,” he replied. “I just didn’t want to go back to—all that. Here I can just be … nothing.”
Sebastian regarded him for a moment. Then he nodded one small nod.
“Yeah. I don’t like it out there either.”
They stood looking at each other for a second. Then Jonathan’s eyes dropped away and Sebastian walked over to a low dresser. A basket full of the Admiral’s chocolates was on top. All around it, and spilling onto the floor, were wadded-up empty gold wrappers.
Sebastian unwrapped a chocolate and popped it into his mouth.
“You want one?”
“No, thanks.”
“They’re almost gone, you know. The chocolates, I mean. And without the damned key, I can’t get into the Admiral’s office to get any more.”
Jonathan looked up at him. “I’m glad we can’t get in there,” he said quietly.
Sebastian’s brow furrowed. “Why?”
Jonathan didn’t blink or hesitate. “Because our files are in there. All the lists of the bad things we’ve done. The bad things we are.” His eyes dropped to the floor. “I like it better like this. We’re just the Scars, together. Whatever we did out there doesn’t matter.” He looked at Sebastian. “If that door opens, we just become our crimes again.”
For a moment, there was only the sound of Sebastian’s noisy chewing. Then he asked a question, but his mouth was so full and sticky that Jonathan didn’t understand it at first.
“What?”
Sebastian swallowed.
“I said, why are you so damned sad? I never seen a kid as sad-looking as you all the time.”
Jonathan looked away, around the room, then over at the window. Through the thick glass, he could see gathering black storm clouds.
Instead of answering, he asked a question of his own.