“He said he probably wouldn’t see me again but made me promise I’d check in on you and the boys. I had no idea why the hell he would say that, so I asked him, but he said he’d be leaving.”
A howl comes from my throat as I fall apart. My hands cover my face and Jeff’s arms encircle me. “Why?” I ask again, trying to make sense of this.
“I thought he meant leaving town, not this. When I heard, I couldn’t face you.” He rubs my back. “I’m so sorry. I never thought he was serious. I didn’t think he meant this.”
Jeff sits with me for the next hour as I process everything he says. He’s struggling with guilt, and I’m battling to get through another minute. We talk about how bad off I am financially, and Jeff offers to help, but when he hears the numbers, his face says it all. There’s no way to fix this. It’s not just a simple cut, it’s an artery ripped apart. The utilities will be off soon, the bank will take the house, and there’s no way to stop it.
It’s clear that from this day forward, I have to leave the dependent girl I was behind and stand on my own feet.
Three Months Later
“I’ M NOT GOING.” CAYDEN STANDS at the door with his arms crossed. “I don’t want to move. I hate this.”
He’s not the only one. I feel the same way. Logan has been the only one handling it somewhat well. Since being told that we had to vacate our home within sixty days, our lives have fallen apart. I’m barely keeping us together with Scotch tape and bubble gum.
“I know you don’t want to go. But we have nowhere to live, Cay. Nana and Papa have a big home, and as soon as we have enough money to get out of there, we will. This is temporary.”
At least that’s what I’m deluding myself into believing. Last night I spent two hours sobbing as I packed the rest of our things. I had to sell all our furniture and anything we couldn’t fit in the small trailer. Basically, we’re bringing nothing but clothes and personal items.
“You’re making us go! This is where we lived with Dad! This is where he was. Why are you trying to make my life miserable?”
“Yes, Cayden. That’s my goal, to make you miserable. We have no choice. We have nowhere to live.”
He grumbles under his breath before he puts his headphones back on. This is the new normal with him. All he does is watch videos or listen to music. He’s angry, while Logan is depressed and clingy. At times, I wish I could behave like them, but there’s been no time for me to feel. I’ve spent hours trying to find a way to avoid having to go back to Tennessee.
But, it’s inevitable. I have to live with my parents, work on the ranch, and face every person who told me I’d be back. The only good thing is that he’s not there. It’s going to be bad enough, at least I won’t have to face the boy I ran away with.
Angie grabs the last box as Cayden and Logan reluctantly get in the car. I stand in the doorway with conflicting emotions. This is the home we brought the twins to. It’s where they took their first steps, learned to ride bikes, it’s where so many memories were made and where I saw our future, but it’s also filled with pain. I haven’t used the master bathroom since I found my husband there. I can’t go in there. I see his body, even though I know it’s not there. My heart races from simply touching the doorknob. Instead, I use the one in the hallway, where no memories haunt me.
I close the door with tears in my eyes. No matter what the last few months have brought into our lives, this was home.
Angie leans against my car door with her sunglasses over her eyes, even though it’s overcast. “Hey.” She attempts a smile.
“This isn’t forever,” I say the words with such conviction I almost believe them. “I’ll be back.”
Angie steps forward. “I know.”
“I swear I will. I want updates on the bakery, even though I’m not an owner anymore.” It was the first thing I had to sell. Since we aren’t really profitable, there wasn’t much to make off the deal, but it got me through until now.
“It will always be part yours!” she admonishes me.
“Tell Patty to lay off the extra sugar. Remind Beth that she has to make smaller batches for the banana cupcakes,” I ramble, trying to avoid saying goodbye. “Oh, and get a dog or something so you don’t become a recluse.”
She smirks and wipes away the tears under her glasses. “I remember when you showed up from bumfuck Tennessee. You had your cowboy boots, painted-on jeans, and your hair was . . . well.” We both laugh. “You had the year we don’t talk about, and then you met Todd. I remember wishing we could be sisters. I never knew it would come true. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I would give anything to keep you here. You’re my best friend.”