“She didn’t want me?” Love me?
“Not in the way a mother should want her child,” she corrects as if that will make a difference. I lean back on the couch, the rough fabric of the cushions digging into my raw skin beneath the thin cotton of my shirt. “The first time I held you, I knew you were mine. I didn’t give birth to you, but I would raise you. Love you. I would save you from whatever bad you had escaped, without you knowing the hell you were brought into.” When I open my eyes, she adds, “I would love you so much you wouldn’t know anything but goodness.”
“All that went away when you died.”
“I couldn’t tell you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t, but I couldn’t. You wouldn’t have been able to carry that silently inside.”
“So it was easier to have me mourn your death?”
“Yes.”
That simple. I walk to other side of the room and stare at a family photo that must have come with the house.
“You’re angry,” she says, keeping her distance. “I understand. You have that right, but please know it was to protect you and your future.”
“Not my future. My fortune.”
“Yes. They’re one in the same, Alex.” She stands and when I dare glance back, she runs her hands down the front of her jeans. “He would have killed you eventually. Anything to hold on to what he didn’t want to share.”
“It always comes back to money, but without me, he had no one.”
“That money was rightfully yours, and he would have spent every last cent until his dying breath if he could have gotten away with it.”
“But he killed himself. Why?”
“My guess is because he couldn’t see any other way out, and his pride would not allow him to concede his guilt. When you discovered April, you brought his worst nightmare back to life. He knew she had motive and anger to want revenge. She would not go quietly. She hadn’t after twenty-three years.”
“He wasn’t stupid enough to think she was dead, was he?”
“No. Not stupid. But arrogant. And a coward. Even I was surprised to hear how cowardly he was to kill himself.”
Taking a breath that fills my chest, I absorb her pain, her desperation that fills the air. “You had the perfect plan. Stage your death before you were killed, smothered by the corruption. Then come back to stake your claim with evidence of how they murdered you. But why did you wait so long?”
“I didn’t expect you to start digging into my murder. Suddenly there were rumors of April and her partner, Garvey, colluding with Nastas O’Hare and Connor Johnson who had staked their claim blackmailing your father before he shot himself, his plan and your fortune unraveling before his very eyes.”
I squeeze the bridge of my nose. “I brought all this on. The more I uncovered, the greater the domino effect came into play. I awakened a line of tragedies.”
“They never saw me coming, but they saw you. You became a target, so I had to change the original plan—”
“And rescue me.”
“The Kingwoods are long gone and you were having to pay for the dirty deals they made. I’m giving you a way out. Garvey’s gone—”
“That was him back there, wasn’t it?”
“There was no way he could live.” Exhaling, regret crosses her face. “He was the one who captured you.”
“What?” I find it hard to believe that piece of shit had the balls.
“This is a lot, but I need you to hear what I’m saying and trust me.”
“Of course I trust you.”
“April had you kidnapped. Garvey is not your cousin. He’s not her nephew. He’s a squatter she used to live with.”
I squeeze my eyes closed. Memories of him looking at the clock on the mantel and how he seemed to be casing the place come back to me. “They planned this together? How would they benefit? Neither had access to any Kingwood wealth unless they . . .”
“Unless they had leverage. Yes. Neely worried April would hurt Sara Jane to get you to sign over everything to her, so she watched out for her. Taking you and not Sara Jane was their first mistake. And then they took Cruise.”
“Mom. How could she?”
“She didn’t love you like a mother should,” she says, repeating her earlier sentiment.
Fuckers. “They’ll pay for this.”
“Well, as I said, Garvey’s dead.”
“And Jason?”
“Jason has been a valued associate. I first found him two years ago.”
“He works for you?”
“He’s his own man, and a free agent of sorts. I hired him to help me out. He’s been invaluable.”
“He’s in love with my girl.”
She smiles. “He might be partial. I’ve not seen him care for someone like he does her. But you have nothing to worry about. He barely exists to her. All she sees is you.”
“Sara Jane, is she okay?”
“Sara Jane has shown enormous strength in the face of horrible trials, but that won’t last. We’re concerned it won’t take April long to figure out what’s happened and act. Go shower so the doctor can examine you.”
I shift, anxiety coursing through me again. “We need to go now.”
“No. You’ve suffered blood and weight loss. We need to ensure you don’t have wounds that need immediate attention. Jason will head back to the manor to watch over Sara Jane after he wraps up his business at the garage.” I don’t want him to be the one who protects my girl. It should be me.
“And you trust him?”
“He’s been loyal to me and the cause. We made sure Chad found him when looking for someone to watch over Sara Jane. You thought you were the only one looking out for her, but we wanted all our assets protected.”
“She’s not an asset. She’s my heart.”
“That’s why we wanted her protected. It was all coming to a head.”
I can’t sit here. “I need to go to her.”
“And you will.”
“Fine. I’m leaving in ten minutes though.” I’m going no matter what, because if I have only one breath left to give, her name will fall from the end of it.
34
Sara Jane
Alexander was dangerous.
When I met him I had no idea the trouble he’d bring to my life, but reflecting on the years we’ve shared—I’d welcome it with open arms all over again. Alexander is my puzzle piece. We fit together by design.
“We can go out to dinner,” Shelly offers. “You need to get out of this place even if for only an hour or two.”
“I can’t. What if he comes home?” I walk onto the balcony, searching the dark for the lake in the distance. I know it’s there. I have the image memorized, but I hate that I can’t see it. So much like Alexander.