It wouldn’t have mattered if he was.
None of the boys in our year could fight like Joey, because, unlike the trivial fights they got into, when my boyfriend fought, it was a matter of life and death.
Because when someone threatened Joe, it sent him right back to that house, where he had to fight for his life against a man who had caused so much post-traumatic stress inside of him that I doubted a lifetime of therapy could fix.
I doubted Joey was even seeing Mike’s face as he bludgeoned him with his fists.
All he could see was his father.
“Stop!” I commanded, unafraid to get right up in his face, when nobody else would.
Because as sure as the sun would rise in the morning, I knew he wouldn’t harm a hair on my head.
“Joey, stop!” Kneeling down on the ground beside a bleeding Mike, I caught ahold of Joey’s face between my hands and forced him to look at me. “I told you to stop!”
Wild and unrecognizable black eyes stared back at me.
Great, not only had he lost himself in what I could describe as a violent bout of PTS, but he was strung out, too.
“Stop,” I commanded, keeping a firm hold on his face, as I kept his gaze. “You’re not there, you’re at school. With me.”
It took a long time for him to process my face, but once he did, I watched as the tension dissipated from his body in a sudden rush, and he slumped forward.
With his bloodied hands hanging limply at his sides, he let his head fall to my shoulder. “They hurt her,” he slurred. “They hurt my sister.”
“Who hurt Shannon, Joe? Was it Mike’s sister? Was it Ciara?”
I felt him nod against my shoulder.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, wrapping an arm around his back, while I cradled his head to my shoulder with the other. “It’s okay.”
The commotion around us was all too familiar, and I knew what was coming before it even happened.
“Joseph Lynch,” Mr. Nyhan bellowed, pushing through the crowds. “My office. Now! The Gards are on the way.”
KNOCKING ON HEAVEN’S DOOR
DECEMBER 17TH 2004
JOEY
Laying on my back, I stared up at my bedroom ceiling and ignored the screaming going on downstairs. I didn’t have anything left in me to go down there and be thrown on the front line like I always was.
Instead of her screams, I concentrated on the sound of Bob Dylan’s Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door as it drifted from my stereo.
I was so fucking dead inside that if you cut me open, my insides would spew black.
That’s how dark I felt, how truly rotten I felt on the inside.
How far I’d fallen.
Turning my head to one side, I stared at the tinfoil, lighter, and broken pen on my mattress, as my mind drifted in and out of focus, in and out consciousness.
“Another suspension. Do you want to ruin your life?”
“Joey, help me, please!”
“You’re off the hurling team. Don’t even think about stepping foot on a pitch until your suspension is lifted.”
Bang. Bang. Bang.
“Where’s your precious son now, whore?”
“You are such a disappointment…”
“What did you take?”
“Why are you the way you are?”
“Oh, Jesus, Teddy, that’s heroin!”
“Don’t you ever think about anyone other than yourself?”
“Joey, baby, can you hear me?”
“It’s okay, Joe. It’s okay. I’m here.”
“He’s off his trolly on drugs, Marie. There’s no talking to him when he’s like that. Wait until he comes around and I’ll give the little prick a good talking to.”
“I wish you were never born.”
“I love you, Joey Lynch…”
“Don’t leave me, Darren.”
“Close the door. I don’t want the rest of the children seeing him like this.”
“No, Daddy, I’m scared.”
Footsteps retreating.
“I want to die, Joe.”
Door closing.
“Stay with me, Joey. Stay right here with me.”
Alone in the dark, I couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and wasn’t.
Shadows danced on my bedroom wall.
I couldn’t feel a thing.
I couldn’t hurt.
No more pain.
No fucking more...
TOO STUBBORN AND TOO IN LOVE
DECEMBER 19TH 2004
AOIFE
Joey was escorted from school by the Gards on Friday, and it had been radio silence ever since.
His phone was constantly off, and none of the Lynch family would answer the door to me when I knocked.
And I had knocked.
Repeatedly.
From what I had gathered from the gossip spreading around school, Marie Lynch had pulled Shannon out of BCS with immediate effect and had enrolled her to start at Tommen College after Christmas break.
The jury was still out on Joey’s future. His latest episode had been taken to the board of management, who, from what I heard, were due to meet up sometime in the next week to discuss his possible permanent expulsion from school.
Therefore, when I received a random text message from Joey at half past eight on Sunday night, asking if I wanted to meet him at Biddies for a drink and to talk, I had practically cracked my neck in my haste to get ready.
Running late, due to innate amount of time it took to blow-dry and straighten my hair, I managed to make it to Biddies for just after nine.
I couldn’t stop the rattling in my knees when I made my way into the back lounge, and when my eyes landed on him, sitting alone in the corner, it wasn’t just my knees that rattled.
Every inch of me shook.
Joey was sitting at our usual table, with his signature vodka and Red Bull in front of him, and a bottle of Smirnoff ice with a straw poking over the rim on the opposite end of the table.
The minute his eyes landed on me I felt a rush of heat flood my belly that quickly crawled all over my skin.
“Hey,” I said, taking a seat opposite him, and unravelling my scarf from around my neck.
“Hey.”
“Thanks for the drink,” I added, as I shimmied off my coat and set it on the chair beside me.
“Thanks for coming,” he replied, watching me warily from across the table. “You look beautiful.”
I know. “So, how are you?”
“I’m not too fucking good, Molloy,” he admitted quietly. “How are you?”
“Not too good, either Joe.”
I watched him watch me for a long moment and soaked in the feeling of having his eyes on me.
“I’m suspended again,” he finally broke the tension with.
“I heard.” Picking up my bottle, I wrapped my lips around the straw and took a sip. “Have you heard back if they’re expelling you?”
Shaking his head, he took a sip from his glass and set it back down. “But Shannon’s moving to Tommen after Christmas, so at least something positive has come out of it. She won’t have to deal with those girls anymore.”
I already know. “She is?”
He nodded slowly. “Mam took a loan out from the credit union for the tuition. Herself and Shannon have been over to the school to meet the principal and look around and she seems to be excited.” He shrugged. “Could be a life changer for her.”
“Let’s hope so, huh?”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Let’s.”
“So,” taking another deep sip from my drink, I forced myself to get down to business. “What’s happening here, Joe? I get that you’re mad at me over the whole talking to the authorities idea, but it’s more than that, isn’t it? I feel like there’s a distance between us that wasn’t there a month ago.”
“Yeah,” he agreed quietly. “I guess there is.”
Oh fuck.
This is it.
This is where he breaks your heart.
Tossing my straw aside, I put my lips around the rim of my bottle and continued to drink until I had every drop in my belly.
For the nerves.
“So,” I roughly cleared my throat and met his gaze head on. “What are you saying?”
“I suppose I’m saying that I’m not intentionally trying to put distance between us, Molloy.” Knees bouncing restlessly, he reached for his glass and tipped it back. “I’ll get us another.”
With that, he bolted to the bar, returning a moment later with two new drinks. “Where were we?”
“You were saying you weren’t trying to put distance between us, and then you legged it away to the bar,” I offered wryly.